Stay or go in secondary - child with high functioning Aspergers

Large comprehensive where the kids have known each other for 2 years would be madness IMO. Another private school with a big year 9 entry a possibility. However, there are few private schools where sport is not important, some but not many.

But I would think all change would be very disruptive. He is too old for prearranged play dates, if he is happy at home on his own then so be it. I think you need to rethink the holidays you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Playing on the Xbox and exchanging a few words is normal when friends come round. I've a DS that struggles socially. It can be heartbreaking. Have a DD that is super popular but even then in the hols she only goes out a few times with friends.

It maybe that he would struggle socially anywhere but I agree if you're going to move him then it has to be sooner rather than later. Maybe explore all your options and ask Ds what he thinks. I had hoped my Ds's school might be able to come up with some solutions to help him but they are useless!

I definitely can understand how you are feeling and you not alone in worrying about this. I hope you find the best way to support your Ds.

They will as they get older.

However, a bigger school does mean a much larger pool of potential friends and possibly much better provision. My bog standard comp provides social skills tUtoring, a quiet inclusive space to have lunch and other provision. Maybe give him a week trial at the local school to see how he gets on? Or encourage him to join clubs-loads of coding and computing, maths, duke of ed etc?

My DS is 12 and probably ASD and he also can't cope with playdates - he changed areas for secondary this year and he is only just settling and only one good friend.

He will sometimes do cinema / bowling and waffles / ice cream with friends but its only about twice a year and he won't invite new friend still just his old 3 best friends.

Think a new school would unsettle him and socially he will probably always struggle. Maybe you could ask him if he can think of any activities he would like to do with a friend - my DS is better if its all planned with set times for everything - he suggested bowling, cinema, "cocktails" (obviously mocktails) and cake. Quite normal for that aged boys just to go on x-box, we don't have one but DS reckons we cant have a sleepover here as he hasn't got one. Or does he like football, some boys are happy kicking a ball around in garden. Its hard though gave up on playdates as DS would ignore other child and watch TV and DD would end up playing with them.

I don’t see why you are thinking of changing schools? Changing is always disruptive for ASD and a larger state school Could be too loud/rowdy and more boys in a class means less supportive for your son. And there’s no guarantee that he’ll find a group of nerds to hang out with and suddenly develop A big friendship group with. If school will get him the academic results then maybe better the devil you know?

I think we are going down the formal diagnosis route as it got to a point with our Ds that things were becoming more and more difficult, especially the social/communication aspect and the isolation he feels.

I guess if your Ds is reasonably happy at school then maybe he should stay there. State schools may have more resources but budgets are often tight and many can't afford to offer much support. Of course there are some state schools that are good and have great pastoral care. But others like my son's school are not and are large overwhelming places that are not good for those children with ASD or possible issues.

My Ds is awkward in pretty much every social situation. He is also rigid in is thinking and has sensory issues. He would not like it if I tried to arrange another child coming round to see him. It is not easy but I guess you can't force a child to be social. I worry terribly about my Ds and it is heartbreaking to see him so isolated but I'm learning that I can't change him it's the way his brain works. I just need to help support him through these difficult times and hopefully one day he really will find his people. I guess that's really the only advice I can give.

Well..I'd feel awkward if I was 12/13 and my parents orchestrated a "friend" for me to come round! Maybe you should relax a bit and let him find his own way for a while?

Have a child in y7 who is undiagnosed ASD and similar. We are at state and tbh he is on the limit of what they can cope with and no funding for any support. Advantage is its free. If you could say get into a state school that gets good results and has specialist autism provision that would be considering but its very rare.

If he's happy and you can afford it would stay put. Not sure a more academic school would help. If its just friends you want for him we found David Lloyd helped him meet other kids and get to not hate PE.

Maybe look round schools.

Hi OP, not sure if this will help but sometimes when you have so many choices,it all gets so confusing and you don't know what to do for the best. Does he seem content?
My son is 11 and has asd,high functioning. He is going to the local comprehensive in September which is large compared to his 70 pupil primary. I'm a single mother so short of money but I have calmed down and feeling quite positive about it now. I spoke to the senco at the new school (who has loads of children with special needs) and he seems to know what he's doing?!
Chat to your son,he maybe quite oblivious to any concerns you have and maybe happy.

I'm not sure how much I can advise you but our Ds is similar. He is year 10 and currently undergoing assessment for autism. Ds seemed to cope at primary so we didn't go down the diagnosis route. Unfortunately he has not coped as well at secondary.

Ds attends an all boys state grammar. He is bright and was not tutored to get in. I also thought he would find his 'people'. Unfortunately it has not been a good fit for him at all. The behaviour can be quite poor and the school does not seem to value academics as much as I thought they would and has very little pastoral care. Ds finds the whole place overwhelming not so much the academic/school work more the culture of the school. I have tried since year 7 to get him to move schools but he says he couldn't cope with doing that.

I too worry about social skills, Ds doesn't have a diagnosis yet so school are not particularly supportive . Sorry, I'm not much help but I would say if you are going to move him do it soon. It's too late to move our Ds now. I would definitely look for a school with good pastoral care.

Is his current school supporting him and willing to continue to do so? Tbh you have left it quite late to consider alternatives for September now.

Is he happy there? Is he doing well academically? Sometimes it’s us as parents who want their children to find there tribe. The kids are quite happy as they are especially if the feel accepted.
Obviously if he unhappy it’s a different story.