Pastoral care at Private Schools- what is yours like?

@Oneforthepot is right. I know which school we are talking about too, and my DD is there as well albeit in a lower year. FWIW, DD is an anxious child (has had support from CAMHS in the past over several years in primary) and has had absolutely stellar support from the school in a number of ways. I don't recognise the picture the OP has painted at all. DD's tutor, her head of year and the head of the school have all responded really well to any problems that have arisen. DD has been assigned a buddy in an older year who has been really helpful in untangling issues that have arisen.

It is true that it's not the right school for every girl. It's not true that they don't support children with mental health issues, at least in my experience which has actually been outstanding.

CraftyGin - but the OP is not blaming the school for causing her dd's mental health issues. She is blaming the school for not following school policies and for not responding appropriately to requests for help. I also don't think it is beyond the capacity of any school to let a child drop a fourth A-level without making such a song and dance out of it. It's not even as though the child had only just started at the school - she made it all the way through to the sixth form. Her mental health status should not be a surprise to anybody at the school after all these years.

Tbh it can vary wildly. Some Indies are amazing, others are woefully poor.

Definitely worth lots of questions when you view school.

It sound like your DD had issues that were not disclosed to the school at the entry point. This is very common as parents are often keen to get their child into a specific school.

Unfortunately, there ends up a delay in setting up the right provisions.

I think it is unfair to blame the school for her mental health problems. A selective school will be realistic about how high their expectations are for individual students. Not meeting these can be due to forces outside of school, such as social media and inconsistent parenting.

Schools do not provide CAMHS - that’s the NHS and it is woefully inadequate for the volume of mental health cases.

Hwyf, wow, yes very different set of circumstances and challenges. It’s Incredibly heartbreaking to hear of kids having to leave shoes at school. Agree, the issues at Dds school do appear to lean towards eating disorders or self harm, which isn’t uncommon in teenage girls and for which teaching staff have experience in identifying and supporting. Possibly more challenging for children on the spectrum as it becomes a very individual situation. Hopefully though generally schools do endeavour to work with parents for the best outcome for each child.

Oneforthepot The pupils in comps may face other challenges to their mental health. In my home town over a quarter of children live in poverty. Some of them have to leave their school shoes at school because they are worried their parents will sell them. I don’t say that pupils at expensive schools are not at any risk of developing mental health issues. Actually whilst I don’t have any Dds in private schools I do know a few people who do and anorexia and stress seem to be massive problems. However, the challenges in mixed comps are just as prevalent, if not more so.

Well, I don't think it's great pastoral care to try to prevent a child from dropping a fourth A-level a little bit earlier than the school would like when there are clearly good reasons to allow them to do so and the parents strongly support the child's decision. That stinks of trying to prevent other children from making the same choice because a precedent has been set - which stinks of putting a lot of pressure on children who are not thriving as a result, but who are creaking under the strain. And a child does not know exactly what they are letting themselves in for when they choose their A-levels; they find that out when actually doing them.

@travelban- the mention of outside councillors was in response to OP saying there was a waitlist for her Dd to see a specialist councillor, I think she was confusing Cahms with school counselling.

@hwyf I’m not suggesting she isn’t upset and hurt, we all want what’s best for our kids. My point was you can’t then go on to trash a whole school system and the rest of the pupils based on your own personal situation. It would be perfectly reasonable to say, “ it’s not working for me and my situation” but you can’t claim it’s failing all it’s students.
TBH your point about how large mixed comps manage mental health raises an interesting point! I’ve no experience with mixed comps but I wonder if being in a mixed non competitive environment with broader opportunities builds greater resilience and therefore self confidence which reduces mental health issues. Maybe the drawback of small, single sexed schools aimed primarily at intellectual pursuits is that it could be stifling, whether by lack of student diversity or fear of failure etc which leads to a greater risk of mental health issues.

It just having counsellors available is not necessarily good pastoral care.

Good pastoral care is having enough systems in place that allow teachers and staff to spot issues early and nip them in the bud. Is to structure things so that pupils are allowed time out both in and out of school.

Just because a child is very academic, it doesn't mean that they don't need nurturing, time out, caring and that they don't experience difficulties.

Of course dome young people sail through regardless but it's pot luck really, like saying your child doesn't need medical care as they never get ill....

I know a fair amount about schools across London and Herts and have to say that I don't recognise this school. Nothing is particularly identifying @oneforthepot.

OP I hope everything has settled down for your DD now.

The OP’s dd sounds like she has really suffered. A decent school cares for it’s pupils regardless of their ability.

Howeudufeel- The school doesn’t damage pupils, it has support for students utilising external councillors that are in school most days, available to students face to face at the click of a mouse. School takes mental health seriously.
If you accept a place at a selective, highly academic school then you are not looking for a mainstream environment.
Schools do have a duty of care but in this instance I think the communication rather than the system may have been the problem.

Can a single school cater to everyone?

Well thousands of comprehensive schools have no choice other than to try and a lot do it very successfully. Perhaps this super selective super expensive school should find out how they manage and apply their methods. Then, girls like the OP’s dd won’t be damaged by their education.

@howwudyufeel. No, more that some pupils, whether disabled or not thrive in a particular kind of environment while others are stifled etc etc. It’s imposdible to have a model which fits everything. Can schools help students that don’t fit in cope-absolutely, mine did. Can a single school cater to everyone? Not really.

Jessica

It is awful when a child is unhappy. I think you are right, given there are less than 4 terms to go, to try to see it through to the end. Give her as much nurturing as you can and perhaps a well planned gap year after, to give her a chance to decompress.

DD knew quite a lot of girls who were at the school you I assume you are talking about. There were a couple of real casualties, but similarly girls who appeared to thrive...or at least that is what they told their parents. I personally found the culture, both amongst girls and parents, quite odd. DD once described some of the ways girls she knew treated each other as toxic. Though equally Oneforthepot sums it up well from a different perspective.

Fit is really important. DD was at a nearby coed and did not have any problems but you needed to be quite robust. It was not a school for everyone. DS and then DD were at Westminster which suited them both perfectly as it was centred round learning, rather than results, and ran on boarding school lines. On the one occasion we needed help it was organised quickly. But again not for everyone. For example I understand it was not much fun if you were towards the bottom academically.

I hope you and your DD are able to hang on in there. Good luck.

Absolute rubbish. Good schools should be able to facilitate all pupils. What you are trying to say is that these schools shouldn’t take pupils with disabilities. I find that attitude abhorrent.

@howudufeel but it’s impisdivle to provide an environment that works for everyone. Different people have different needs. I liked a fast paced environment with limited supervision or input from staff. While other children need lots of contact hour and hand holding along side constant supervision and nagging. Treating pupils with different needs creates a sense of inequality but reducing the treatment to the lowest common denominator leaves more able students frustrated.

Oneforthepot You can’t be sure you are talking about the same school as the OP.

Girls schools can be absolutely appalling for pastoral care. Half the girls in my year suffered from eating disorders. Several boarders were raped while supposedly in the schools care. The school didn’t really care. So long as the girls looked good and the school came at the top of the league tables that was all that mattered to them. The headmistress even caused her own daughter severe mental problems by refusing to acknowledge that her daughter had special needs and instead insisting that she be put in the year above and forced through her exams and assessments with extra help from the teaching staff.

But my point is they DO provide mental health support. It is an academically very selective school which could be challenging for some pupils, it would not be suitable for all. It is an independent school hence a personal choice. To make sweeping generalisations about the school culture and the mental health of other pupils based on an individual experience is not a balanced viewpoint.

Your use of the phrase ‘for the right pupil’ is horrible. Schools should be able to support all pupils, even the ones with disabilities...

No, not attacking her, defending the majority that she has written off as all having unsupported mental health issues

What a vile post. The OP is clearly distraught because of her DD’s MH issues and you come on here just to attack her and her DD. Disgusting behaviour.

I know this is an old post BUT having followed it from the start it is still bugging me! Maybe because the OP, for all but naming the school made it easily identifiable and I don’t think it’s a fair representation of the school and maybe because a note pinned outside the school this week made me think the 2 were related.
My DD is at the same school and in the same year group and I think the OP has made a huge sweeping generalisation & this is not a fair reflection of the experience of the majority of girls there!
The school clearly states “ it is not suitable for all girls” and it isn’t, it is up to the parents to determine whether or not their child has the stamina and resilience to thrive in that environment. It is fast paced, academically challenging and whilst the girls are not amazing at everything each one excels at something.The school 100% does not place emphasis on exam grades nor does it put any pressure on students to achieve top grades. When compared with state schools that set minimum targets in order to proceed with A levels this school does not, consistently telling students to only take subjects you love irrespective of the grade you achieve at GCSE. My dd friend achieved a 4 last year in one subject and is taking it at A level.
The pastoral care is very active. No school has Cahms onsite, but there are mental health councillors on site, available to book online for an appointment the same week. I know because my own Dd wanted to speak with one and it was v straightforward and painless.
I don’t get the whole “ we are financially disadvantaged and can’t afford outside help” whilst in the same breath talks about wanting to hire lawyers!
The school is a school, not a mental health facility.
It was the OPs choice of school, having selected it after pulling out of a primary school that wasn’t doing enough for entrance exams. Her Dd took Art A level knowing the work involved from the GCSE ( actually the schools own art programme which follows the baseline of an Art foundation course and is a huge amount of work) Just perhaps in the first instance the school was not the right fit for the OPs daughter. I would hate to think other readers may be swayed away from what is a fantastic school... for the right student.