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Original poster

Opinion please! School absence due to parent working abroad

216 replies

TheGreenEye · 26/02/2019 23:30

I've suffered clinical depression for years, including a couple of suicide attempts. I'm recovering, been back at work about a year without any serious episodes.

Work have assigned me to go to work abroad (as in different continent!) for a fortnight in term time. I'm wary of the effect that might have on my mental health, but there's no-one else can do the work. This is one of the reasons I've decided to take my family with me. Being together as a family is hugely important to us all, we do everything together.

We have never taken an unauthorised term-time holiday before, and likely never will again.

The work trip is last minute (10 days notice) due to financial restraints being lifted after a risk assessment of the alternatives. It will be the trip of a lifetime for my kids. Primary school are supportive "oh yes, you must go!"

The secondary school seem less so and I'm worried we will face a hefty fine on our return.

Guidance on what constitutes "exceptional circumstances" seems difficult to come by.

We've sent a letter from my employers confirming this is work, not pleasure. Is there any other evidence I should be presenting to the school?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:01

@everydaymum

I have nothing against the school - it's the interpretation of "exceptional circumstance" that's the problem. The Supreme Court ruled on what "regular" attendance means - it means whatever the school determines that to be, and by whatever time period they choose. Which ends in a ridiculous "our school says 90%", "well we'll do 91%" and so on.

OP posts:
FleeceDetective · 27/02/2019 01:58

All of that would be just as relevant if it were Disneyland.

Or Benidorm.

Or the Lake District.

If anything more so, as their dad would actually be present for it and not filling in the gaps between working.

ineedaholidaynow · 27/02/2019 01:57

It’s a family holiday for your children, who are the ones missing school. So not exceptional circumstances.

Our Primary School used to have an exception in their unauthorised absence policy for holidays of a lifetime. But then removed it, as what was a holiday of a lifetime for one family was just a normal holiday for another. And some families seemed to have a holiday of a lifetime every year Grin

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 01:55

@IM0GEN

I'll pay the fine for our differing opinion on what's most important.

Mine is Family > Education

And it is certainly

Family together on the greatest journey we are ever likely to make is MUCH more important than two weeks of Year 8 education.

My D has already planned which museums, art galleries etc etc she wants to visit.

Her grandparents are "pleased-jealous." I've always wanted to go to Australia they say, in their late sixties, and believe me, they know about the importance of education.

And we are apparently deserving of a fine for this???

OP posts:
everydaymum · 27/02/2019 01:46

How is this situation bizarre OP? You have to work abroad, you have a wife who could stay at home and keep the kids in school. Of course everyone would love an OS holiday (including teachers), which is what this is for your wife and kids. The teachers however need to abide by the rules set down.

What are you actually looking for? You've been given the answer by the school. You don't agree with it, which is fine, by it is what it is. If it's the fine you're worried about, have your employer cover it. If you're essential to the work that needs to be done OS, and you can't work without your family, then they should cover it.

IM0GEN · 27/02/2019 01:41

Your wife and kids going away on a holiday with you while you work abroad because you like to be together isn’t what most people would consider exceptional circumstances.

Most people would think that to be things like visiting a grandparent who is dying or the child getting medical treatment abroad.

If you are worried about the effect that working abroad might have on your mental health then seek medical advice. Trying to persuade the HT that your children have to go on holiday to stop you getting depressed or self harming is not going to work.

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 01:37

I'm working for a start.

OP posts:
FleeceDetective · 27/02/2019 01:35

we wouldn’t contemplate take them out for a family holiday.

What exactly will this be if not a family holiday?

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 01:33

@FleeceDetective
We know what they are set as - anything morbid. Speaks volumes.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 01:32

@AdultHumanFemale

Again, though, I come back to this "exceptional circumstances" point. Just because it's a choice doesn't make it unexceptional. There's nothing exceptional about people dying - it happens all the time. In fact none of the prescribed "exceptional circumstances" are any more exceptional than those that are considered "unexceptional".

We made a choice not to take our kids out of school for a family funeral. We wouldn't contemplate take them out for a family holiday.

OP posts:
FleeceDetective · 27/02/2019 01:26

Exceptional circumstances are usually set to cover deaths in immediate family, terminal illnesses, some schools would consider weddings to be so but a considerable Amount wouldn’t. Events which are beyond reasonable choice/control.

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 01:18

@FleeceDetective

I wouldn't do that. They are the most amazing company to work for. I'll take the fine if I must. I'm interested in what other people think about these words "exceptional circumstances".

The only 100% sane response so far, at least to my mind, has been "Go enjoy the adventure" which is exactly what I plan to do. But I'm not the kind of person who thrives on the "to hell with the consequences" mentality either.

The whole thing is a cognitive dissonance minefield for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 01:09

@donquixotedelamancha

No, I haven't - I've explained my circumstances. I didn't stoop to superiority-complex fuelled sarcasm with her at all. I didn't make it personal - in fact it isn't at all personal.

She encouraged me to take my child on the trip, noted that it is likely to be highly educational, but conversely said that she would not authorise the absence officially. The whole situation seems quite bizarre frankly.

It seems many are quite happy to be the victims of statistics and arbitrary rules which fly in the face of what should be unique interactions between unique humans.

And yes, I am special and different, and I hope you are too.

OP posts:
FleeceDetective · 27/02/2019 01:07

Why don’t you have a go explaining the exceptional circumstances to your workplace and get them to cover the fine.

Adu1tHumanFemale · 27/02/2019 01:00

My own dd is in y9, top of the class in maths, science and English, in the top few for all other apart from PE and I genuinely used to feel like you, that a week or two would not impact on her education and husband often wanted to take her on holiday in term time but she herself didn't want to miss school because she knows her education is the only thing that's going to get her out of the shit hole we live in.i also didn't want to take the risk and I'm pleased I didn't.

She works hard and doesn't need prompting to do homework and seems to have an ability to not struggle understanding her work like I always did, however last year she had four days off one week due to a horrible bug and was struck down with an ear infection the following and was absent for another three days. Her marks have suffered. Her school have said she's still achieving 9s in tests but her marks are not as high as they usually are. Had I let my husband change my mind she'd have missed almost four weeks of lessons. I can see why schools say no. She's almost caught back up now and back on track.

I genuinely do understand you all wanting to go away and you sound like a very close family but sometimes family are at different important parts in life and can't always do the same things at the same time.

CoachBombay · 27/02/2019 00:57

I understand your reasoning and why you believe it to be an exceptional circumstance, but in the eyes of the Head Teacher and the guidelines I can also see why it is not an exceptional circumstance.

The children are going with you because you want them too, not because they must. It's a choice.

If say you were a lone parent and had no other childcare options then I could see that as being exceptional.

If you were in the Armed Forces and had been deployed/stationed elsewhere for a period of time and were granted some leave to see family, then that would be exceptional for the children to have time to spend with you thanks to the MOD.

Problem you have is there is ultimately a personal choice to your decision. Therefore it wouldn't be granted as exceptional.

donquixotedelamancha · 27/02/2019 00:51

True, but that is the sort of lazy, casuistic reasoning that leaves us with rules like this one.

Have you tried explaining to the head that she is being lazy and casuistic?

Our family dynamic is different to yours. For us, this is a very exceptional circumstance

Presumably you've also explained why you are special and different and she should ignore the guidance for you?

I can't believe one of these didn't work.

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 00:47

@GreenTulips

Ah...we find the root of the problem! Statistics and targets, the enemies of our ability to take individual circumstances into account

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 27/02/2019 00:39

Yes but HT have targets

Part of those targets is attendance

You are a small part of that issue and could reduce their targets below an acceptable level

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 00:33

@GreenTulips

LEA's and schools define "circumstances" arbitrarily. The law will have been carefully worded to give HTs some discretion. It is clear that to you and your family dynamic, working abroad for a fortnight would not constitute anything exceptional, because that is your "unexceptional circumstance"

Our family dynamic is different to yours. For us, this is a very exceptional circumstance.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 00:28

@EdTheBear

More circumstances - we're talking Year 8 - not exam courses. She's top set across the board. School want here to do eBAC, she's chosen options of Food Tech, Art, Geography and Health And Social Care.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 27/02/2019 00:25

Circumstances are clear.

The rules are clear.

That’s their job to follow the rules. They can’t bend them because you haven’t been aboard before.

EdtheBear · 27/02/2019 00:25

Sorry but I'm with HT.
Primary is probably fairly easy to catch up, take work with the child.
Secondary less easy maybe 6 or 7 teachers all trying to ensure your child doesn't miss stuff. So extra work for them.

TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 00:24

This reply has been deleted

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GreenTulips · 27/02/2019 00:23

If you were the HT, what would you do?

Follow the rules laid out by the department of education.