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Original poster

Opinion please! School absence due to parent working abroad

216 replies

TheGreenEye · 26/02/2019 23:30

I've suffered clinical depression for years, including a couple of suicide attempts. I'm recovering, been back at work about a year without any serious episodes.

Work have assigned me to go to work abroad (as in different continent!) for a fortnight in term time. I'm wary of the effect that might have on my mental health, but there's no-one else can do the work. This is one of the reasons I've decided to take my family with me. Being together as a family is hugely important to us all, we do everything together.

We have never taken an unauthorised term-time holiday before, and likely never will again.

The work trip is last minute (10 days notice) due to financial restraints being lifted after a risk assessment of the alternatives. It will be the trip of a lifetime for my kids. Primary school are supportive "oh yes, you must go!"

The secondary school seem less so and I'm worried we will face a hefty fine on our return.

Guidance on what constitutes "exceptional circumstances" seems difficult to come by.

We've sent a letter from my employers confirming this is work, not pleasure. Is there any other evidence I should be presenting to the school?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:34

@Soaringswallow

I have green eyes.

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Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:33

@JustaGirl

I didn't say other opinions didn't matter. I merely stated that mine do. That does not exclude anyone elses opinions from having meaning or credence.

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SoaringSwallow · 27/02/2019 02:32

Just he wants us all to pat him on the back and be jealous (interesting username). Only I'm most definitely not. In that situation I'd be staying home with the kids. But I've done that journey before and chosen not to again for a two week holiday (actual holiday!).

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:32

@Soaringswallow

I'm not spending that. Work are.

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Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:31

@SeniorschoolMum

The final two sentences are correct, entirely.

Yet our lives seem to always be blighted by casuistry - and it's often in this form: "Imagine if everyone did it"

It's the weakest of all arguments. It's the equivalent of "if pigs could fly" but people think it has weight for some reason. No action I take would ever make someone else do the same. The fear of imagining the impossible, never mind the unlikely.

My family don't NEED to travel, in that they will more than likely be alive and kicking when I get back, also alive and kicking. I freely admit we are in the realms of WANTS and DESIRES and HOPES rather than NEEDS. As I hope are all your days.

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SoaringSwallow · 27/02/2019 02:28

Why would I need to? You're spending £3,500 on flights for your family and the same for accommodation - or is your work paying for your whole family to go? If so, type of work do you do that is so niche that a) nobody else can do it in Australia and b) doesn't pay you enough to afford holidays abroad (not that there's anything wrong with holidays in the U.K., more that it's a very very odd combination) but c) will pay for your whole family to go out for two weeks?

Anyway, regardless of whoever is paying, two weeks in Australia is one week, maybe 10 days. Jet-lag is real!

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 27/02/2019 02:25

Op why ask a question or post on here if you don’t care about anyone’s opinion other than your own? Did you only want supportive pats on the back?

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:23

@Imogen

My opinion matters. No ifs, not buts, no sometimes. No "not on this occasion".

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Seniorschoolmum · 27/02/2019 02:23

Op, it may be exceptional circumstances to you but it isn’t exceptional in the wider meaning of the word. People work abroad all the time. Two weeks is a very short placement and if everyone took their families with them, a lot of schools/education would be disrupted.
Head teachers have clear guidelines around granting leave of absence for good reason. Your wife & children are taking a family holiday, they don’t NEED to travel.

But you have decided the whole family will go, and you accept you will pay the fine.
So go, make the most of your trip and don’t agonise over it too much.

IM0GEN · 27/02/2019 02:21

i'll pay the fine for our differing opinion on what's most important

No. You will be fined for breaching the schools policy, not for disgreeing with me.

That’s why I said my opinion is not relevant. Because I’m not your schools HT.

It’s not a general comment that applies to everything in the world for all time.

Sorry you find this confusing .

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:20

@JustaGirl

Erm. Both. And I think they should be taken out of school for this, and the fact I get the support I need is more than a bonus.

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Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:19

@Soaringswallow

And you'll be the first contributor on my "GoFundMe" page, am I right?

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Justagirlwholovesaboy · 27/02/2019 02:18

“I'm wary of the effect that might have on my mental health, but there's no-one else can do the work. This is one of the reasons I've decided to take my family with me. Being together as a family is hugely important to us all, we do everything together.”

You keep changing the reasons OP, is it for your good or your children’s?

They shouldn’t be taken out of school, you the adult here and should be thinking of them above your needs to have them close.

Or refuse and don’t go if you really need to have them close and two weeks is too much

SoaringSwallow · 27/02/2019 02:17

Yeah, because going back in holiday time when you can participate is actually a good idea!!

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:17

@Knitclubchatter

Finally! :)

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Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:16

@Soaringswallow

I have no words.

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SoaringSwallow · 27/02/2019 02:15

Ok Australia for two weeks! I'm laughing now. Half of that will be jet-lag!

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:15

@IM0GEN

It does matter what my opinion is. If your view of the world is that your opinion doesn't matter, you have a problem. Seriously.

I'll pay the fine AND have an opinion.

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Knitclubchatter · 27/02/2019 02:13

i see a family once in a lifetime trip to a different continent as educational.

go and enjoy the experience.

there is way more to "education" than the 3 r's.
this might actually fall into the category of cultural capital and all the nay sayers sound jealous.

SoaringSwallow · 27/02/2019 02:13

You're being you're selfish about this. Not re the school, but in relation to your wife and kids.

You're taking them out of their routine for a holiday which you won't be participating in. Your wife will be entertaining them alone. Abroad. That's not a holiday for her, just a change of scenery, except usually she's only have to so that evenings and weekends, presumably with you there.

Why not save the money from the inevitable fine towards your flight and go back there altogether in the school holidays? You can use your time after work to have a scout around for things they'd like to do when you're all together.

And as someone who understands the mental health aspect of what you've mentioned, if you're not well enough to go alone for a few weeks then you're not well enough to go. Taking kids out of school to support you under the banner of an "experience" isn't really on.

But as you've booked the tickets, you're not really up for listening to any of that.

The school is interested in stats because it's measured on stats. The head teacher gets measured on its stats. Their job isn't less unique than yours. And it sounds like they've been very reasonable with you.

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:12

If you want to put it like that, so be it. The point of the advert is that it's not run of the mill, it is exceptional. I rest my case.

Glad you find it amusing.

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IM0GEN · 27/02/2019 02:12

The green eye - you are a bit of a drama llama aren’t you ?

It doesn’t matter what your opinion is, or. One mine for that matter.

It’s the policy of the school / education authority / opinion of the HT that counts.

You seem to struggle to understand this basic point.

Every single parent like you who takes their child out of school will tell you that THEIR holiday is special and different and not like common people’s holidays, because theirs is EDUCATIONAL. And their reason for going then is superior to others.

You might as well tell the head teacher that the dog ate your homework. They have heard it all before and didn’t believe it then either.

Just pay the fine.

FleeceDetective · 27/02/2019 02:09

You’re quite amusing.

I imagine you speak like the marks and Spencer’s advert lady

This isn’t any holiday, this is an Australian holiday

Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:07

CORRECTION - Our holidays never happen in term time

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Original poster
TheGreenEye · 27/02/2019 02:07

@FleeceDetective

Your powers of logic are severely lacking. We'll be going on a family holiday in April. Two weeks in a caravan in Essex. Last year was the same. It was Dorset the year before that, but in a tent. Our family holidays always happen in term time and cost little more than a fine for unauthorised absence.

This is a trip to Australia, flights costing £3,500, accommodation the same. Yes I'll be working, but not 24/7. To me, the working will be the gap in between the important thing, just as it is at home.

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