Opinion please! School absence due to parent working abroad

This is actually a really disturbing thread. The OP seems incredibly controlling, and the way in which the wife and children seem to be reponsible for his/her mental health is worrying.

And the intransigent determination to be in the right despite having asked for opinions doesn't bode well for any marriage.

(Glad I wasn't the only one who thought that those subject choices seemed oddly limiting for a top set child, too).

There's nothing exceptional about people dying - it happens all the time.
My husband only died once. The children were allowed 3 days off to travel and attend his funeral.
It is absolutely not necessary for your children to go on this trip. You are having a family holiday and trying to justify it by mistakenly thinking you have a 'trump card' of your mental health.
Just go, if you think you're right and you're justified. Just go, enjoy it. And pay the fine- you are not exempt from the rules.

I don't have a strong opinion on whether or not the trip will be enjoyable for OP's DCs - but given their ages they are more than old enough to have an opinion and maybe they are telling him they want to go. And if the school is going to impose a fine then that's tough for OP.

But the tone with which some posters here discuss missing a few weeks of school is so strange to me. How can any adult actually think two weeks of school (unless it's literally the run up to key exams) matters more in life than a great experience with your family?

If you Google "fines for missing school" you will find almost all of the results are about the UK. Other countries don't seem to need to use this method to enforce attendance. It's draconian.

Familyofaliens, I agree. This could potentially turn into a nightmare holiday!
Flying long haul with children can be horrendous, not at all the pleasant experience OP is thinking. It will take at least 2 days to feel normal again upon arrival, and OP will be working, leaving wife and kids stuck in the hotel, trying to get to grips with a strange city alone. Unless his/her firm believe he/she is amazing, they will be expecting OP to work fairly long hours, so evenings may well be. A quick dinner then bed. Perhaps the mid weekend may provide opportunities for some sightseeing, but then week 2 will be a repeat of week 1. And make no mistake, jet lag upon their return will be a very real thing! For some people, it has minimal impact, maybe taking a couple of days to recover, for others it can be horrendous. I returned from a coup,e of weeks in Thailand and went straight back to work, it took 3 weeks to get my body clock back to normal. Australia will be so much worse.
This won't be the holiday of a lifetime that OP is suggesting. It will be a bit of an adventure, first flight, first time abroad and all that, but it won't be worth all the other crap that will ensue.

@Thatsnotmyotter

Not sure what you mean by “snobbish”?

What I meant by my comment was that taking children out of school for two weeks long haul, to support their parent’s poor mental health and when they will be tired and jet-lagged and unable to do anything as a family, doesn’t strike me as “holiday of a lifetime” material.

HTH

The law doesn't define "exceptional" in terms of what is exceptional for the individual family, but what is exceptional in the context of the general population. Most people take holidays every year, as do you, OP; the fact that you don't normally make a big trip like this doesn't change matters..

It doesn't seem like this would be a family holiday to benefit the DC. Your basically using the kids as some self comfort to feel better while your away which I think is unacceptable. Toughen up, they'll still be hear when you get back

Lot of ‘jobs worths’ on this site, OP. Other countries (who have better educational attainment than the UK) don’t have the ridiculous rules and fine system that has been imposed on our state schools.
Enjoy your trip of a lifetime with your family. As your children’s HT’s have said, it will likely be hugely beneficial for them. Have an amazing time!

Does your DD’s school not have a buddy system where another child and your DD have to help one another catch up if one of them is absent?

I can't see that being practical, In year 8 (like iOS dd) my Daughter had more than enough on her plate with her own school work, most days she'd be doing homework from the minute she got in until 8pm because she wanted the weekend free to relax. Children shouldn't be made responsible to give other children the education they've missed because their parents chose to take them out of school. The parents should be the ones supporting their child catch back up in my opinion.

Again, though, I come back to this "exceptional circumstances" point. Just because it's a choice doesn't make it unexceptional. There's nothing exceptional about people dying - it happens all the time. In fact none of the prescribed "exceptional circumstances" are any more exceptional than those that are considered "unexceptional".

My dds primary school wouldn't authorise her a day off to attend my Dads funeral. They wouldn't authorise her a day off to attend my brother's wedding either.

A day off for a funeral is very different from a two week holiday. I know you said it's not a holiday because you're working but your children won't be working with you and I'm assuming they won't be sat in an apartment all day every day so it sounds very much like you're wife and children will be having a holiday, with you joining in when not working. More and more schools don't authorise holidays during term time, a holiday to Australia is a once in a lifetime thing for many, yes, but it's still a holiday.

A Dad being offered work at Butlins for two weeks could feel the exact same way as you do, he could see that as a big opportunity for his children to experience a holiday because they've never left their little town due to not having funds. He'd be told no too.

If you don't want schools to have any weight in when you can remove them from school have you considered homeschooling?

I interpret that to say that the absence will be recorded as unauthorised and that she cannot influence the LEA decision whether to fine

That interpretation is definitely wrong. The LA don't decide whether or not to fine. The school does. The LA simply issues the penalty notice and collects the fine.

Enjoy your trip, mine loved it and fortunately it was before fines etc and HT was positive.

I don’t actually care if you take them or not, I have taken mine out for a couple of days but I think you are coming across as ‘one of those people’ who think that the LEA should change all thier rules just for them.
You know the rules. They are there for a reaso, if you want to break them then fine break them but don’t preach about how you are right and everyone else is wrong.

Also you come across as the sort of person who will complain bitterly
to the school when your child does poorly in a test because the subject matter was taught when she was away or that she missed the auditions for the school play/ sports
team try outs!!!

Surely every family’s holidays are ‘exceptional’??

• Someone on benefits manages to get a £10 sun holiday but can only get term time dates. They don’t normally get a holiday as can’t afford it so for them this is an exceptional holiday. Doesn’t matter that it’s to Bognor Regis. It’s a chance for thier children to go somewhere new and spend time as a family as normally mum works 2 jobs
• someone from India needs to go back and see thier family as parent is ill. Need to go for a month, some of that is term time and want to take children in case it’s the last time. That’s exceptional to them.
• someone company either dishes out annual leave or the policy is so strict about how many people can be off that all the school holidays are already taken meaning thier family holiday will have to be in term time. That’s exceptional circumstances to them as it’s not their fault.
• family can only go to disney land in term time as can’t afford it other wise - to them that’s exceptional circumstances!

I really cant see any reason AT ALL that your family holiday is any more or less important/educational/needed/wanted/family orientated than anyone else’s!
You are being discriminatory saying that ill children, or children that struggle are less deserving of a holiday. In fact if anything they need holidays more for thier mental health.
If everyone in DSs secondary school took 2 weeks off a year younare looking at 2 children in every class across the school being off every week. Teachers just can’t catch that many children up and maintain the momentum of learning.

@thatsnotmyotter I think some of us have been more concerned about the fact the OP is placing huge amounts of pressure on his family to assist with his MH issues - in which case 2 weeks in Australia in those circumstances is not a holiday of a lifetime...

@Familyofaliens

Was your comment meant to be snobbish?

Go, enjoy, make a family trip of a lifetime out of it.

Two weeks in Australia a family trip of a lifetime? Hilarious.

I don't think you should be fined. However, I'm not a politician, I haven't made the rules, and therefore cannot negate the fine that you will probably receive. That's just the way educational attendance works at the moment.

She [HT] encouraged me to take my child on the trip, noted that it is likely to be highly educational, but conversely said that she would not authorise the absence officially. The whole situation seems quite bizarre frankly.

I interpret that to say that the absence will be recorded as unauthorised and that she cannot influence the LEA decision whether to fine. However she is supportive of the absence, which suggests to me that she will encourage your child's teachers to work with you on the material that your child will be missing, will provide ideas of how your child's education can be continued during the break, and will generally squash any dissenting remarks she hears in her staffroom. I'd say that is pretty good of her.

Yup. Pay the fine if you have to... but definitely pay the tax you absolutely have to pay.

MNetters are really weird about absences. Go, enjoy, make a family trip of a lifetime out of it. Pay the fine if you have to. Simple.

My dh works abroad sometimes. Wouldn't even think to take the dc out of school for that tbh. My 5 year old has regular medical appointments and procedures and the school isn't happy about him having time of school for those. I can only imagine their response if we asked to take him on one of dh's work trips.

I see why you would take your family as it is a great opportunity, however it isn't exceptional circumstances as your wife and children do not have to go, it is a choice you are making.

So whilst I don't blame you for taking the opportunity, you are not exempt from the rules of being fined.

Is your wife a Mumsnetter OP? I would imagine she's a regular.

I'm very glad my parents took us on a 6 month trip abroad to do with their work when I'd just done my O levels. We went to school in the other country and it expanded my mind like nobody's business.