Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Moving from private to state Yr 7/8

134 replies

glindathegoodbitch · 25/02/2019 05:23

Dear All,

As you can see, the ungodly hour I am writing this means that I am stressed out if my eyeballs with worry.

Dd (currently yr7) is at a great private which she is flourishing at. She's been there since Yr2 and is very involved in every aspect. Drama and music scholar, but also very sporty (County at 2 sports) and bright- top set all round. She's in a very strong friendship group and is very loved.

Things were finely balanced. DH's wages pay household and running of, my wages pay school fees. The last year we have had a massive change of circumstance. I have had I'll health resulting in horribly long hospital stays, our youngest ds has been put on the radar for sen, so all in all, I took the decision to stay at home (he is pre-school) and spend more time with him. This has resulted in him making leaps and bounds with his communication and cognitive development. I'm over the moo and he is much happier and calmer. Middle ds (yr1) is making huge leaps because I am at home to read and spell with him and he is like a different child. So much more secure, less anxious and is loving school finally- reception he cried every single day. I feel like if I were to return to my very high pressured, long hours, long commute job, I would be throwing both boys under a bus. I have simply loved being home with them and to be there for when Dd comes home too.

Here comes the massive problem: we just simply cannot afford dd's school fees. Not even a little bit. I've been sticking my head in the sand this term hoping that money would some how magically appear out of my arse, but to no avail.

I'm going to sort out some part time, school(ish) hours work. Ds's school has no breakfast club and limited afterschool so options are limited.... but it will in now way make a dent in the school fees, plus... I'd actually like to live a bit. We haven't been on a holiday in years and we are always balancing every last penny. Our house is in desperate need of repairs, but there's just no money. Private school is a total pipe dream unless I am working to the point I barely see my children. We are very rural so everything takes so much longer and is so much further away- we can't move, tied to family property and could not afford to buy elsewhere.

Im just so sick of worrying about it. I'm up most nights. DH going to talk to bursar today, but we don't hold out much hope. They are a tightly run unit and have a strict 'no more than 50%' policy- which she is already on. I don't know of anyone who has ever exceeded it.

So I am looking at the local state today. The school looks great and is outstanding, but is in an incredibly rough town and there have been rumours of County lines drugs and there was recently a stabbing type incident in the school. I know no one at the school so can't find any further information beyond what is in the papers.

Both DH and I were privately educated so we are stupidly institutionalised. I'm terrified that she will be unsafe or bullied horrendously. That's no reflection on state education, just my own ridiculous ignorance.

If she moves at the end of year 7 will she be bullied for being the new girl? Will she settle OK? She's so funny and beautiful and I love her so much, but I cannot go bankrupt just to keep her at school. How do I go about all of this?

It feels like [redacted]'s choice. Either I risk my Dd potentially being unhappy (or she could flourish???... Some private to state success stories would be really appreciated) or I feel like I'm abandoning my boys to keep her in a school that we cannot realistically afford anyway.

I'm so so sorry if this is rambly nonsense, but I've been up since 1am with it all going round and round my head whilst googling 'local state school drugs/grooming/bullying'.

We should have pulled her at the end of year six, but we're swept up in the scholarships/ we can do this if we knuckle down/ isn't it lovely wave...

Please tell me that it's all going to be OK. I'm exhausted.

Identifying information edited by MNHQ

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Yale445 · 27/11/2022 13:24

@glindathegoodbitch - I remember reading this at the time and we are now in a similar situation.
how did your DD get on ?

Hanomi · 27/02/2019 15:25

Hi Glinda

Have sent you a PM. Hope it helps.

cestlavielife · 26/02/2019 22:38

Ask the schools where the leavers go... any decent state school will have stream of kids going on to great unis.
And as state school your dd may get more access to shadowing schemes etc

oldowlgirl · 26/02/2019 22:29

Oh Op, I really feel for you as I can imagine how torn you are. I don't know the area, but agree with others in that you should fully research as many state schools in the area & get on the waiting list for as many as possible. Definitely ring the schools personally too - you can go & look around them even if they don't have spaces currently.

I would say that bright kids who have decent parental support will do well anywhere, so she will be fine (as will your boys for having you around more). Good luck Thanks

PenguinPandas · 26/02/2019 21:25

If the sport is just for exercise then state plus a club like David Lloyd (about £30 a month for a child but adult needs to join to at about £80 a month) would give access to pool, tennis courts, gym, fitness clubs, aerobics etc. Otherwise there's lots of sports clubs outside schools for people who compete. DD is quite sporty and we did DL and a gymnastics club and that gave her about 4 hours of sport plus 2 at school per week. School waiting lists can also move a fair bit at times - people can be on several lists.

HotpotLawyer · 26/02/2019 20:02

I went to private school (on a scholarship). It had big playing fields and a well resourced Sports department, but my real sports experience and challenge came with training with the county club (Athletics) outside school, and competing through the AAA. Likewise Youth Theatres run by and within professional theatres often offer more challenging projects than schools. The Brewhouse in Taunton has a youth theatre.

My Dc’s State school has a far wider and more accomplished music offer than my school ever did. (The school prioritises music and private lessons are £150 a year, free to Music GCSE students)

SwimmingJustKeepSwimming · 26/02/2019 19:44

School sport really isnt the same in the state sector...or the stage for that matter. Much bigger schools too so usually less chance to represent school or be in plays. So really dont pin everything on that, do leave it as a nice to have.... and def keep up outside sport and drama!

Fazackerley · 26/02/2019 19:11

Leweston is very sporty and good at drama and not that far away and there always used to be very good deals to be had

Original poster
glindathegoodbitch · 26/02/2019 18:56

Thank you so much all of you for all of your advice.
Paperwork into bursar, application off the the big state secondary. We've definitely ruled out the middle school. It's nice, but it has a real primary school vibe to it and she'd have to move again in a year and to a school which is miles away and not one we'd choose. I know beggars can't be choosers and all that, but she's still my (big) little girl and it would totally destroy her. She's so sporty and very much into drama and music and there just isn't enough opportunity for her there. She gets her confidence on the sports field and the stage so without those being strong enough, she might totally lose herself.
God knows how long the waiting list will take, but we're just going to have to scrap through as hard as we can and maybe try and arrange to pay any fees we need until we have a place om a longer term basis? I just don't know.
Very stressed and another sleepless night, so it all seems rather bleak. Just trying to be super positive for Dd! x

OP posts:
BuildAParsnip · 26/02/2019 08:04

OP I'm really sorry about your health problems.
And I'm sorry to hear the situation you are in with dd. It's so tough.
We're all state educated and it's better than fine.
In terms of waiting lists they can really go down in year 8 if they wipe the list and people have to reapply. By then many are settled and happy in what were second choice schools.

RedSkyLastNight · 26/02/2019 07:41

MsTSwift schools can not offer places because they like a family. They have to follow their admissions criteria.

ALannisterInDebt · 26/02/2019 07:09

She will be fine and she will flourish, stay involved in her life and encourage decent friendships. Private schooling is an unnecessary waste of money. Please let go of the guilt, you are doing what's best for your whole family.

Fazackerley · 26/02/2019 07:04

I hope that comment about the young farmers was a piss take! They may as well be called the young Tories as far as the ones here are concerned

MsTSwift · 26/02/2019 07:02

Ring the school direct my friend did that a place had randomly come up the school liked the family so their dd slotted in mid term immediately school an academy so some flexibility

BertrandRussell · 26/02/2019 07:00

“Get her in with the Young Farmers group- all good fun! She's unlikely to end up making friends with the less salubrious types“

Grin You are Jilly Cooper and I claim my £5!

errorofjudgement · 26/02/2019 06:53

Also bear in mind that waiting lists are based on published criteria, not how long you’ve been waiting. Generally the closer you are to a school, the higher up the list you’ll be. So it’s worth getting on several lists.
Also the admissions criteria I linked yesterday does say the school has some flexibility on admissions. Have you tried contacting the school directly and asking for a meeting with the Head or one of the Deputies then you can discuss your change of circumstances following your DCs SEN, the fact you have 2 younger DC who will be attending the school in the future and your DDs particular strengths and skills?

HotpotLawyer · 26/02/2019 03:49

You have little choice but to keep looking for a place, get in tne waiting list, and take it as soon as a place comes up.

As a PP said, a state school will not hold a place d for a term, so you will either lose potentially a term’s fees, or else have to risk giving notice before you have a place.

Even in-year waiting lists are done in order of how far you meet the schools admissions criteria. People move house in the summer hols if they can, so it is perfectly possible that places will come up before September.

Look carefully at the schools, and go on the waiting list for all those you like.

Apply, appeal.

Study the way appesls work . You have to demonstrate that that particular school is the best school for your child and your child will be disadvantaged by not getting a place more than the school will be by taking an extra student. So, the school dippprtd your child’s sports / musical instrument/ has a club whic addressed her talents / ambitions.

You can appeal to more than one school.

Losing an appeal will not affect your chances on the waiting list.

1Wanda1 · 26/02/2019 03:04

I've never known a private school waive their fees if someone leaves without notice either.

When DD had to leave her school, I had already been in to ask if there was any financial help available. They said no but if I did get a state school offer, they wouldn't hold us to the term's notice.

DD got a state school offer in the June, to start in the September. So, on the terms and conditions, we should have been liable for a term's fees, but this was waived. I think an offer of a place to start in Sept, but offer made in the summer term, is quite common, as relocating families will usually be able to tell a state school before the end of the summer term if their child is not going to return in the September.

Blankscreen · 25/02/2019 23:27

Thing is by not moving until September you will possible have to serve notice at current school without having a firm idea of where she will end up going.

The state system won't hold a place, usually you get a week and then you start. The fees to the end of July are now due regardless but you need to stop being liable for any longer and plan accordingly.
If a state place comes up which you are happy with you've got to take it there and thrn.

GreyRoses · 25/02/2019 22:52

OP even if you plead extreme poverty, you will still be liable for fees. The best you can hope for is a small proportion possibly written off, and the rest in some long term repayment plan.

Do moving her before the summer would be counter productive. You could still be paying this next term and a half in fees for the forthcoming few years.

Concentrate on September entry into school and leave her where she is until then.

Wakk · 25/02/2019 22:34

I've never known a private school waive their fees if someone leaves without notice either.

It's usually a full term's notice so you may find you've got to pay until summer anyway now.

MsTSwift · 25/02/2019 21:29

Dd is year 8 and 2 girls recently joined from different schools now firm members of her friendship group - starting mid term not necessarily an issue socially

Dapplegrey · 25/02/2019 21:25

Will be judged on her own merits and have to develop her own work ethic and moral compass . It will be terrible. hmm

That’s quite a spiteful comment Barbarian. Also why would a private school prevent a child from developing a ‘moral compass’? Not sure what you mean by that.

littlecloudling · 25/02/2019 21:06

@glindathegoodbitch
Chard is chard. I know people from there but they all went to the same independent school as me. There will be different groups within the school. Get her in with the Young Farmers group- all good fun! She's unlikely to end up making friends with the less salubrious types.

Kilash · 25/02/2019 17:59

HotPotLawyer has made some very good points which I wanted to echo. A state school education can give a child many skills they won't get at a private school - think, being streetwise, knowing how to avoid potential trouble, mixing with a wide and diverse range of peple, being self motivated. If your dd is bright and hardworking, she will do well.

Dh and I were public school (dh, think major public school) and private school educated. We considered private school and ds was awarded a scholarship. BUT we chose to send my ds to what I consider to be a good state school. He has had amazing opportunities, came out with a full set of 9's at GCSE (surpassing many private school friends ) . But he has also turned into a resiliant and compassionate young man, politically aware with a range of friends.

Please have a look at as many schools as possible - there are many excellent schools. And when you think only 7% are privately educated and stack that up against the numbers of professions (law, medicine engineering ets, it's obvious that the majority are state schooled.

Good luck.