As the Tiffin results day looms, a second 2019 SW London grammars and indies thread

It's one of the reasons he's my ex - absolutely zero ability to read people, be sensitive or tactful, and a total insistence on his way of thinking about / doing anything.

He once got fired from his job as a CEO after a boardroom coup. He was so shocked, particularly with the fact that I wasn't in the least.

He's breaking his relationship with our eldest already who just says "there's no point in talking to daddy about anything - he's not interested in listening to anything I have to say...".

I fear the damage may be done re KGS now though and it's out of the running for DD - which I'm really sad about.

Clever girl and good question!

So, DD is now hell bent on Putney, just as I am more and more certain that KGS is the right choice for hr/us. Partly because her father has been being his usual bullish self about it - so she's rebelling. He's so f-ing tactless...

We'll go and visit KGS on Wednesday - I'll take her, and softly softly try and get her to see the advantages. Without her realising that's what I'm doing obvs. And thenI guess let her genuinely make her own decision.

On wealth discrepancies - I was a full scholarship girl with utterly skint parents at my GDST school. I got it - your DD isn't dumb, she knows the score, as I did and she'll get it too.

I relished the opportunity my school gave me, felt exceptionally fortunate to have it, and wouldn't have wanted not to have it on the basis of keeping up with the Joneses anxiety on behalf of my parents.

I know they felt bad about my not going on the more lavish trips - but I completely understood and it really didn't bother me. And I wasn't the only one, and she won't be either.

I found the wealth-gap at independent secondary far less than at state primary (though in a wealthy area).
Sure based on some of the holidays (and frequency) some people must be minted, but it is few and far between.

DCs tend to meet out and about, no "playdates", only a handful have been to our home. In SW London anyway a huge house in Isleworth can be way less prestigious than a small place in Wimbledon - kids really don't see it unless swimming pools and huge grounds come into play which is pretty rare in this part of the world.

You barely meet other parents, you don't have that daily chat in the playground where you see their latest bag / gadget. You don't get the daily waiting for the kids chitter chatter over whether they should buy the skiing apartment in Morzine or Verbier!

I guess wealth differences will become apparent post-school. When some dcs will have no student debt / help with housing / living costs post uni etc.. But at school it is barely noticeable. And I don't see the difference between us and friends who have chosen our excellent state secondaries.

They’ll be some on a bursary so should be a mix of wealth. I’ve told my dc that there will be some rich children with the latest phones/designer clothes and big houses. I’ve also not hidden the fact that we are making sacrifices as a family to send them to expensive schools and are prioritising that over a new kitchen or expensive holidays. I’ve also warned that we won’t be able to necessary afford the optional exotic trips offered by the schools!

I don't think you should worry about your personal financial circumstances unless they are of the kind that will make the school fees very difficult or impossible to keep up with. There will be a huge range of financial situations and it is likely, going on my own experience, that the children involved won't fully appreciate the differences until much later on, possibly even after they've left school. Though it is also possible that I was particularly dim, I think this matters less to the children than the parents.

The thing to concentrate on is whether or not you feel your daughter will be really really happy at the school.

There are plenty of recent threads about G&L. I shouldn't think many live in Hammersmith! No real difference in family wealth compared to other independent schools

So it's decision time. We've given lots of thought. And I've posted lots under a different name.
Can any one help with G&L?
We don't live in Hammersmith and would be at the lower end of the financial intake.
So I'm worried about DD.

@FlumePlume,

Just to say, I have sent you a message. I did not notice yours until just now!

Hi Flume.... a little more each year than the last. Pretty easy in MIV and UIV for most of the time. Reading week once a term (no written homework). Occasionally a big essay will take a little longer but always a long time set for those. seems about the same as other more academic indie schools mentioned on this thread really.

Haha Sweetnhappy, it’s funny to think how many of us have stood in the same queues over the last 6 months or so!

Jimjam68 are you my twin? Waiting for Tiffin, if we don't get it may get Nonsuch but would have to think about moving house. Erring more towards WHS. WHS would be 20 minutes door to door vs 1 hour to Tiffin but obviously thinking about finances.

Also, FlumePlume, if you wanted to ask about instruments and arrangements for borrowing one, I am sure they would be happy to answer any questions. Same with any other practical queries. I'd send an email and see what they say. I only really know about string instruments but I would imagine it's the same for other types of instrument. DD's second music instrument is voice, so only music to transport (she just started singing lessons this year and is really enjoying them).

We are waiting on Tiffin but I’m not sure we will be swayed from WHS at this point, although financially it would obviously be great! Also sat the Sutton grammars and if it’s a no from Tiffin it may be a yes from Nonsuch but that really is a pig of a journey.

DD has had between none and an hour or so. Very rarely a little more than an hour. They have a timetable for homework which is designed to ensure that they never get more than an hour and a half any night. However, I would say that DD has had far less than that. Teachers don't seem to set homework just because it is timetabled, only if there is something useful to do. So for instance DD is meant to have eg an hour of science homework a week in two half hour slots, but in fact has had actual homework about three times since the start of the year. The rest of the time she's had none or 'revise this topic for a test next week'.

Most of the time, DD's homework will take her about forty five minutes a night max. The homework timetable they get assumes they will do homework every weeknight and none at the weekend but DD would rather do a bit on Sunday morning and have less to do in the evenings. As long as it is handed in or learnt on time, there is definitely quite a bit of leeway.

There is no homework set in half term or holidays, which is nice!

the weight of MIV schoolbags is an ongoing joke at SPGS

DD's is honestly fine. Taking pictures of questions set for homework instead of carting the books back and forth makes a big difference. And not having to take her own violin unless she wants to also makes a big difference to how encumbered she feels.

Glaciferous - the weight of MIV schoolbags is an ongoing joke at SPGS... But you are right, they don’t at least have to carry their sports kit back and forth which is pretty unusual as most other schools do. Just seconding that the music (& music facilities( are absolutely incredible what with the Holst legacy etc.

We had a similar set of choices and opted for Tiffin in the end. For us the school has been wonderful and dd is thriving academically and socially. We have another dc in a top indie to compare, and I don't think dd is missing out. The demographic is different, as you'd expect, but she has plenty of art, music and sport opportunities and the teaching is great. There's also been a huge amount of fun, despite the school's 'hothouse' reputation, and she has less homework and fewer exams than many of her friends at other schools. The difference for us financially has been substantial and I'm 100% happy with our decision. Obviously I would say that, as it's too late to change our minds, but we agonised for weeks and actually paid an indie deposit before choosing!

A good friend of mine's exceptionally bright and able daughter is at NHEHS, and she can't speak highly enough of it, for what it's worth.

Glaciferous - thank you so much for your insight. Very helpful!

FlumePlume - we are more local to NHEHS but if DD gets on the tube SPGS is not too long a journey. I actually preferred SPGS as DD would fit better into a bigger school but we feel NHEHS has a more diverse crowded(social background, ability, etc.). We were also hoping to secure some financial support from SPGS given the level of fees but it hasn't made much of a difference while NH has awarded DD a sizeable academic scholarship. DD likes both equally hence the hard decision!

I think SPGS is the right school for dd in terms of fit
Then go for it. DCs get used to journey. It'll soon be part of her daily routine. I think you mentioned your DD loves music. As you probably know the school is great for musical DCs. Many girls wanted a place. Your DD has got it. Amazing.

schoolgirls are so laden with sports kit and heavy schoolbags (and possibly instruments)

Also, just thought I would say, this will not be a problem at SPGS (unless you have a giant musical instrument to transport that you absolutely must take with you). Girls have a locker for sports kit that fits lax stick, boots etc and all clothing that they want to leave there, plus they also have a books locker in their form room. As they are allowed to use their phones at school, DD will usually take a photo of any page she needs for homework questions rather than toting an entire book home. And many girls just wear sports kit all day if they have games rather than bringing stuff in to change into, at least in the younger years. If they did want to change, their sports lockers have plenty of space to leave things at school. DD often wears sports leggings under her jeans and changes into a school polo shirt and whatever else is appropriate for the weather at school. But she is a chilly beast so doesn't mind an extra layer!

Even if you have a giant musical instrument, there are lots at school to use if you want to. DD often uses a school instrument for a lesson or club instead of transporting her own. This is totally fine and completely normal. Nobody minds. There is an entire room for string instrument storage for personal instruments plus another whole area for borrowable school instruments. Other instruments may have different arrangements!

So it is definitely possible to do it without massive bags or carting instruments around!