Hostile initial contact with a Catholic secondary school

You are desperately trying to gain entry into a school using
A) Your Christianity
B) Your child’s special needs.

If the Catholic school had a poor reputation would you be as determined your son gets in? Every other parent whose alternative school is the bullying one. will be looking at alternatives. Catholics will naturally be ahead of you.
‘Christianity’ is too vague to hold any weight when it comes to a highly sought after school’s admissions policy.
Unfortunately neither appear to meet their eligibility process. You can kick up a fuss and argue your case. You just might get in. But I would recommend you start looking at alternstive schools too.

You could of course always have your son baptised. Many have done it before you for the same reason.

I made the decision about where to move Ds to when I saw how a class teacher handled a child having a “moment” (who clearly had similar issues to my Ds) when we were touring on a normal working day.

With SEN it’s so much more complicated.

Has OP read the current admissions policy? This is all the receptionist has to go on for admissions in 2019.

Of course you the admissions policy might change for 2020 admissions.

Is the school Voluntary Aided or Voluntary Controlled? That can make a difference.

Was the receptionist actually being “rude” or “offhand” to the OP in asking those questions? They sound pretty pertinent and civil enquiries from what OP has said.

What has OP really taken exception to? It’s a bit odd to say “we are Christian” without naming a denomination, and indicating how the family participates fully in its worship.

Had a similar experience with a faith school - basically we were told we'd only be able to discuss specific needs if DS was offered a place. It was off-putting but after doing the rounds of local schools, we still went for the faith school, got a place and they have actually responded very well since he started there.To be fair, if it's a very popular school, I can understand that they might get dozens of these requests which necessarily take teaching staff away from teaching.

Absolutely maisy

really
But she is seeking a 1-1 tour of the school for a school that has open evenings in October 2019. That means her child is in year 5 and it's almost a year until they are due to start secondary applications.

It's absolutely fair for reception staff to find out more before deciding to allocate SLT for a school tour. It's more than reasonable to have tours for in year transfers. It's not reasonable to expect a senior member to staff to book out time away from this year's jobs to give a tour for a parent who might want their child to start year 7 in September 2020?
It's entirely reasonable to suggest the family attend the open evening for their correct year group.

You say you are a Christian but not if you are Catholic. If their admission criteria is that you have to be Catholic, unless your son has an EHCP or he is adopted / LAC then you won’t get in anyway, so having a visit round the school is pointless (plus disruptive for the school). She might have sounded abrupt or been unpleasant in her tone, but her questions in that setting are fair.

where I live in the main church schools have the worst reputation for SEN - their faith doesnt reduce their need to be top of league tables and crow about having religon makes you better - not just selective...

however a friends dc are at an all boys catholic school and they have been good

she may have just been horrible/stressed /tired - but go to as many as you can feasibly get to see or get into and talk to the SEN inclusion people.... If he doesnt have an ehcp ask about safe places or where he can go for a break/quiet time... my ds found secondary quite overwhelming and stressful... and what support they put in for boys -

the school with the best support for SEN is the huge very comprehensive most mixed school - with a very patchy reputation otherwise but their SEN team and all over support is fantastic as is the head.....

ds school was ok but very under resourced so if no ehcp help was declining ....if I was going to go through it again I would look for the school with the SEN people that were happy to talk to you and had support for kids withput an EHCP - irrespective of church or not

You saying you're 'christian' just doesn't cut it!

The catholic schools we have applied for generally have the admissions policy that after catholic children and looked after children are admitted, remaining places then go to a) any other practicing religion then b) any other child.

So if the o/p regularly attends church and has a letter from her minister, if the school is not oversubscribed with catholic children then she will be next on the list. And it sounds like o/p has done her research and knows last year x number of non- Catholics got in and the distance (usually published on council websites) so can reasonably work out she has a chance of getting in.

O/p I would write to the head and ask if it is the receptionists job to grill enquirers. As it gives a poor impression of the school Etc.

Not the receptionists job to decide who’s worthy or not. I came across similar at an oversubscribed outstanding school- snotty receptionist telling everyone the school was so in demand only x y and z would get in. I thought it was a crap school and sure enough it’s been ofsted downgraded since. Went to the catholic school instead who made us feel very welcome.

It's embarrassing that we still have state-funded faith schools

Why embarrassing? To whom? Do you think that the rest of the world are laughing at you??

She could have just been a rude person. Or a normal person on a bad day. Or someone who might have had at least 10 requests this week from people who are out of catchment, non Catholics etc wanting individual tours for a school they would be bottom of the waiting list for.

A general parent meeting and look round would be an appropriate starting point in my opinion.

Plus, you've said the open evenings arent until October so by that means your child is year 5 now, y6 in 2019/20 academic year and starting secondary in 2020? If you're irritated that a school won't give you a 1-1 tour over a year before you are due to apply then I think you're being quite unfair.

Different schools have very different attitudes to potential pupils and parents. In my large secondary school, which is significantly over-subscribed we tend to allow individual visits during the year if it is for a pupil who is going to be joining mid-year but if it is for a pupil arriving into year 7, then we try to encourage parents and prospective pupils to come to the open evening and then to the scheduled open days which are always at the end of September, Early October.
You do need to be very careful of the admission criteria of faith schools because they can be very specific. Most catholic schools expect baptism within a few months of birth and if you do not have a baptismal certificate then it is definitely worth asking the school specifically what would be alternative for showing that your child is of the faith.

I can also understand why some catholic schools, through the priests, can also have issues with you not being married,so again you need to check rather than assume.

Yes, but if a school normally fills up from its faith, then wanting to know if the child fits the criteria isn’t unusual. CofE schools can be equally choosy. They are, of course, selective schools paid for by the state! Also this DC doesn’t have a statement so the catholic school isn’t going to be named as essential.

I think you have to assume that most schools are busy and chatty. Hopefully not chatty in lessons. Maybe a school with a distinctive “no talking” policy might suit? At least this can be checked prior to the open day and I would also suggest talking to pupils. They are usually very honest about good and not so good things about a school!

You are being massively unreasonable to think an individual tour during the school day is going to be happening- how disruptive for the pupils and staff! You'll have to go to the prospective parents evening like everyone else

It's embarrassing that we still have state-funded faith schools.

Why “embarrassing”?

When you have a child with SEN I’d say it was vital to see the school on a normal working day.

She was checking whether you were even eligible to apply / likely to get a place.

No she wasn’t. She was grilling the OP on their family/faith. The OP’s child might have had an EHCP or be a looked after/previously looked after child which would put them top of the admissions criteria and which is nothing to do with requesting a visit.

Personally I think if schools want to apply a faith-based admissions policy, they shouldn't get any public funding at all.

It's embarrassing that we still have state-funded faith schools.

YABU
You want an individual tour. She was checking whether you were even eligible to apply / likely to get a place.
"wanting" a place at the school isn't really relevant if you don't meet the application criteria. You say it is popular yet you would have got a place last year. Was it not oversubscribed with Catholics then?

The problem may have been you wanted an individual tour on a working school day. Imagine if every parent wanted that. It isn't feasible and it isn't fair on the current students or their teachers. Can you go to the open evening instead? I know you said about why you wanted an individual tour but I should think most parents would also want one all be it for different reasons.

I think the problem is that so many people fake it in order to get into a faith school the reception staff must be cynical.

Not sure if things have changed in 25 years but my ex was Catholic and couldn't take communion because we were living together unmarried.

YABVU and I think you are expecting too much.

Depends where you are, but round here catholic places are very very sought after. 6 catholic primary's are feeders into our nearest catholic secondary.

Criteria is very very strict to get in. Apart from children in care, higher criteria etc, you get siblings, with priest signing form to say regular church attendance, having done holy communion and also baptism.

You saying you're 'christian' just doesn't cut it!!

Check the schools admission criteria. Most catholic schools have a requirement for baptism in the catholic faith not practicing Christian. She was probably just checking you fit the criteria. All admissions policies should be published on the LEA website.

You need to check the school admission criteria. It’s not enough to just say you are “Christian”.