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Original poster

Private school - how do you afford it?

135 replies

worriedandstressedAAA · 29/12/2018 00:25

In the process of applying to various private schools for DS as the local state secondary is pretty dire. Doing the sums now and, whilst we can afford to send one child, sending two children (DS2 is in year 4) is going to be very tight. I need to go through the sums in more detail but basically think it is doable with a lot of sacrifices, stress and worry. I am divorced so my ex and I will try to share the fees. We are both middle class professionals living in London. I earn 130k p.a. and DH around 90k. I think it's the fact that we are divorced that is making it so difficult as we are basically paying for 2 households. How does everyone else afford it? It's a sh*t load of money.

OP posts:
Sashkin · 31/12/2018 01:03

Annie, £7k is really cheap for a London indy. OP is looking at £20k per child, so £40k a year in total, which is unfortunately pretty standard inside the M25 now.

scotmum1977 · 30/12/2018 23:39

@CraftyGin wow that's impressive. I see mums at the school gate with four kids (never mind five) and think 1) wow that's expensive 2) they must love this school 3) how did you get them here for 855am 3) how did you manage point two and not look like sh@t 😂😂

scotmum1977 · 30/12/2018 23:34

@worriedandstressedAAA no probs. I'm sure you'll find a solution. Best of luck to you.

CraftyGin · 30/12/2018 23:12

We took a leap of faith and have managed to put five children through private school. We live very modestly otherwise.

Original poster
worriedandstressedAAA · 30/12/2018 23:07

Thanks Scotsmum. I was mulling it over this pm and had the crazy idea that, if things got very tight, we could always rent out the spare bedroom. Would probably get £700 a month as it's a large room on a separate floor with an ensuite. Not ideal but could be an option.

OP posts:
Original poster
worriedandstressedAAA · 30/12/2018 23:05

Thanks to the last 3 posters. Feeling a bit more encouraged that given the figures, posters think it should be possible. I will look at the scholarship info again - maybe it is possible or at least worth a shot. If/when we get offers, I will go through the figures again with a budget planner and work out how we are going to do it. My ex currently pays £1,000 per month towards both DCs which I currently use to cover after-school childcare. He said he can increase that to £1,300 when DS1 goes and to £1,500 when both go. IF he sticks to this, then, in theory, this amount per month should cover the fees for one child. I feel reasonably confident that I could cover the fees for the other child if I get into the habit of putting aside say £700 per month and if I pay off my credit card before then and reduce other outgoings. Also, both grandparents have said they may help although nothing has materialised yet and I don't feel it appropriate to ask. Even if they do say they will, there is no guarantee they will stick to it.

OP posts:
scotmum1977 · 30/12/2018 23:04

I suppose regardless of how much you earn you need to free up/generate the cost of the fees somehow. lifestyle changes work for some people and some private schools offer mortgage like finance deals spread over 20+ years too. depends on the school and where you live. Hopefully you can find a way to make it work.

anniehm · 30/12/2018 22:42

You have a very substantial income so not sure what the issue is - we manage on less than a 1/3 of that with a bursary - we pay £7k a year, full around here is £10k.

FlumePlume · 30/12/2018 22:26

On scholarships, what I meant was you can get a decent discount off fees without actually applying for anything. I hadn’t realised that until recently - it wasn’t obvious from the prospectus and was fairly well hidden on the website.

I suppose what I’m saying is that it’s worth him taking the exams, as it’s possible you might get a nice surprise in the offer letter which would make a significant difference to the financial calculations.

waterandlemonjuice · 30/12/2018 22:24

I think you should do it. Can you also

Ask for a discount- def worth trying
Consider paying monthly, makes it a lot easier
Put your mortgage on interest only

You really don’t need to have years of fees in the bank, that’s massively overthinking it IMO

Original poster
worriedandstressedAAA · 30/12/2018 22:15

Solidarity, you are not divorced though, right, so only one household? I think that is the key issue here that is making it more difficult. Good for the kids inheritance, bad for cash flow!

Re scholarships, DS is very sporty but not in the sports in which the school offers scholarships, which seems to be football or cricket in most cases. However, it says that to be considered, candidates need to be performing at a county or regional level which DS isn't although he is extremely good at swimming and gymnastics and very good at tennis.

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OhTheRoses · 30/12/2018 19:47

The other interesting fact is that quite a few parents separated as dc left 6th form. Very sad for some of the children's friends.

SolidarityGdansk · 30/12/2018 19:40

An interesting observation of the school parents is that there is a very low divorce rate. I am sure there are some. But I can’t think of any on either of my sons class.

That may be a big factor as running two households is a huge expense and parents need to work together to prioritise the fees.

SolidarityGdansk · 30/12/2018 19:36

Two at a London private here.

I love their school - but however great it is, it would never be worth the stress if now knowing whether we could see it through.

How do we afford it? Married and had kids late in life. So had two London properties which nearly paid off when we met and two good salaries.

Original poster
worriedandstressedAAA · 30/12/2018 19:03

Amma, I can assure you that I am definitely not spending too much on myself. Cannot recall the last time I bought myself anything! Look up the chain to see the breakdown of income and outgoings. I wish it was the case that I was wasting a load of money as pretty easier to cut back. Can I ask if you were running 2 households (2 large, London mortgages) and paying for 2 lots of fees at the same time? The issue here is the fact that DH and I are divorced so 2 households. If we were together then it would have been affordable fairly easily as they'd be at least another 2-3k per month in the pot.

OP posts:
FlumePlume · 30/12/2018 17:12

OP - Is there any chance your DS will get a scholarship? I hadn’t realised that they are just assigned (through exam performance) rather than applied for like music or sports scholarships, or like bursaries. Some schools go up to 50%, some max out at 20%, other don’t do scholarships at all (I know now, having looked it up) - what’s the situation for the schools you’re applying for?

Amaaboutthis · 30/12/2018 17:01

If private education is important to you and you can't find 40k p/a out of 220k then you're spending too much on yourselves.

Completely agree. We did fees for years and never drove a banger, sacrificed our standard of living or stopped saving. That’s with a reasonable sized London mortgage too.

NeleusTheStatue · 30/12/2018 16:39

If funding all the way through to 18 will be a struggle, I would much prefer spending money now and consider state for 6th form to the other way around, though I know it's a more expensive option...

OhTheRoses · 30/12/2018 14:15

I think you should start state and move if necessary at yr 9/10. You may be surprised at how many opportunities come up in these years. Save the money for later. I wd say 6th form is a key time to switch to indy or grammar. Spend your money to plug the gaps with tutors

Original poster
worriedandstressedAAA · 30/12/2018 11:48

Greensleeve, I think it will depend on what schools DS gets offers from, if any. There are two schools that I love that I think would be perfect for him and which I think it would be worth the stress of paying fees. Our two back-up options, much less so and I would have to weigh up very carefully the advantages of sending him there v local state secondary. Thing is, if our local state secondary was better, then it would be an easy decision not to send him private. I just think the local state secondary is not going to work for either of them.

Do you mind me asking which independent schools you were referring to in SW london? Probably too far for us as we are north but we had a struggle finding suitable schools for DS that are not massively over subscribed. Our two favourites are not academic hothouses at all but very popular so I am not holding out much hope of getting an offer.

I know going private does not solve all the issues at all. Just have a feeling that DS would do a lot better in that environment than in the local secondary. I did think about sending him to the local school but worried he will fall into a bad crowd and am certain that he will coast academically. Have heard numerous reports from parents at this school about various failings, serious lack of progress. Just seems such a wasted opportunity.

OP posts:
Greenleave · 29/12/2018 23:31

How much do you want to do it is really the answer. Tightening the belt, some things will have to give in. However you can afford it(we are in a very similar situation). Your DS2 might be able to make to grammar, you might get a promotion. There is saving for tough time, a large equity with the house. Although, everyone says independent schools dont automatically solve all the problems or be able to turn the kids suddenly into well rounded, happy children, there is no guarantee. You will have to chip in as much even more for the money to worth it. So paying the fee doesnt automatically solve the problem. If you live in SW London like me there are just so many good independent school choices, so much more than state and we also only have 1 grammar school which my oustanding primary didnt send any kid in last year.

Original poster
worriedandstressedAAA · 29/12/2018 23:21

OhtheRoses, your comments are spot on. Local state comp is exactly that. It should be a lot better and people are always a bit miffed that it isn't. It may be ok and could be a last resort but it is far from my top choice for either DC.

Regarding paying for private, yes, the plan would be to try to pay for DS1 out of income and keep the savings until DC2 starts. It's possible (but far from definite) that grandparents may contribute a bit but I can't rely on that. Just worried about what happens if I lose my job! And it's so much money to find every term.

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Original poster
worriedandstressedAAA · 29/12/2018 23:06

Panicmode, 4 x school fees definitely isn't affordable for us unless they don't attend at the same time. 4 lots of school fees is 80k p.a. so completely out of the question!

Also, we would only send each of the DCs for the 5 years at secondary then go state for 6th form. Loads of good state 6th form near us.

Some good alternative suggestions posted here including doing something with the mortgage. Not sure about offsetting but wondering if I could borrow more or get a secured loan if I need to. Or is that more madness?

OP posts:
Original poster
worriedandstressedAAA · 29/12/2018 23:03

Thanks all. We would, of course, do grammar if at all possible but it wasn't possible for DS. None of the kids in his school got in and it's a well regarded outstanding primary, even the super bright kids (which DS isn't) didn't get in.

The responses on this thread seem pretty split between going for it and moving so still in a bit of a quandry. As one poster said, I thought I may regret it if I didn't at least give him the chance which is why we went ahead with the applications and exams (still two more to go in January). TBH, I am not sure he will end up with ANY offers given how oversubscribed these schools are so my plan was to wait and see what offers he gets before we make a final decision. I have, for the last year, being driving myself crazy thinking we should move house (I viewed a million properties) but never went ahead with it as too much upheaval and not convinced it was worth the cost. We would be moving to a smaller property in an area further out of London and overpaying just to get in catchment so it's not a straightforward decision. I suppose I am getting cold feet at the thought of having to find 6k every term and also now thinking that we will need to go through the entire process with DC2 in 2 years whereas if we just move it is pretty much sorted.

OP posts:
Ivegotthree · 29/12/2018 20:21

We earn the same as you OP and go state. Could do fees if we had to but god life is so much better not having to.

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