Private school - how do you afford it?

redsky that is actually kind of the Op's problem too . She has £800k equity in her house. She could sell up and move to where I am, buy a 4 bed executive des res in a top schooling area and send her DC to state school with all the DC of the professions for £400k outright and put the other £400k in the bank. She could then put her feet up / work PT / start her own hobby business and be at home to avoid childcare / tutoring costs and still be getting child support from her ex DH. She would be able to draw her corporate pension to top up her lump sum by the time her DC leave home.

Alternatively the Op could move her and the 2 approaching teenage DC to a City Flat for £800k and be mortgage free. This would make 2 lots of £20k school fees from an £80k take home plus ex DH child support easily affordable.

If that won’t do for your child then you are just a snob!
I am sorry if it came across like that, I don't really have a specific preference for the parents' occupations :) As I say, I was living a sheltered life of a shrinking violet - the first time in my life when I socially met an active drug addict, or an ex-convict was in the class parents' group. Probably it made a disproportional impression on me.

Silver cuckoo - you are living in the wrong area. The state school near me has every other parent as a doctor or lawyer or accountant. If that won’t do for your child then you are just a snob!

What I have actually found hardest is doing all the tutoring/prep with DS1, who is v reluctant to study.
Yes, same here. I am not a fluent English speaker, and therefore cannot do the prep myself (not even mentioning rarely being home before 8pm) - have to involve a tutor now for 7+, and the cost makes my eyes water.
My children are younger (KS1 and pre-school), but the education topic gives me real anxiety. I lived a very sheltered life since arriving to the UK - university, a techy City career, private nursery for the children put me in a social bubble and I was in total awe about how educated and eloquent British people are, so was convinced that my children will do absolutely fine. It was a real discovery for me when I started looking into the school system that the majority of people I knew and admired went to one of the top private schools, often boarding. Something that probably would be blindingly obvious to a British person, but I somehow managed to remain oblivious all these years
And then, when my oldest started in the local state primary school, I had another shock as to the education levels and lifestyle choices when I started getting closer with the parent population. I could not believe how such class divide is possible at all, and I figured out that private schooling might be the easiest door to a social lift - I cannot really give my children anything else, there are no connections, assets, relatives, nothing, and zero financial or non-financial help from elsewhere. Or maybe I am mistaken about how it all works, and will just put myself into a 15-year-long fee slavery for nothing? Should I be militant now about them learning an instrument / participating in sports so that their chances of getting a scholarship increase? Am I destroying their future by letting them watch one extra cartoon instead of practising non-verbal reasoning? I don't know.
Pretty much deciding now which kidney to sell.
Sorry for the rant, it was the first day back to school today and all the feelings of not fitting in came back suddenly and very sharply.

I'd say only keep them state if it really is a good school. That can cater adequately for the academic cohort your child is in. That they are not being short-changed to meet targets to bolster weaknesses elsewhere and that there is strong leadership and experience for when things fall down the cracks.

As someone who only ever went to terrible state schools (as in required improvements ancient or failing), the scars and impact on me has been lasting well into adulthood as I was academic in an environment where I was practically ignored and I was a minority. One never forgets a crap education. And the hurdles both soft skills, character development, cultural capital, depth of subject knowledge, all these things I had to work really really hard...to close the gap at 6th form, uni then my early career days. Going to a shit school is crippling. If I didn't have a bloody good comp or grammar school it would be 100% private for me no doubt. So whatever choice you make, you will do it for the right reasons because the wrong ones IMO - weighs far more heavily on the disadvantage scale & life impact. Sorry crap English as typing quickly on mobile.

I would keep them state rather than move them at that age because I can't see any advantage in moving them., for the GCSE years they are all studying the same subjects, using the same text books and sitting the same exams. Private schools should have smaller classes but the teaching is not necessarily better. You get crap teachers in both systems and if you get one you will end up with a tutor if you can't do it yourself. If a child is doing well and settled at a school it makes far more sense to leave them there and top up with tutoring rather than have them settle in somewhere new.

I''m not anti private schools, I have 2 DCs in and one finished at extremely good Indys but at the end of the day they are just schools. What happens at home is far more important.

Following your logic you would just keep them State altogether though surely cake? I wouldn't rule out moving for year 10 onwards but if cost were a concern then I struggle to understand prioritising Y7/8. Even the teen peer pressure issues don't kick in properly till Y9 onwards.

I never understand the thinking behind the "move them for 6th form advice".

Firstly, 6th form is the worst value for money in that you pay 6 terms fees for 5 terms teaching. It also has less teaching hours than any other school year. Add to this the cost of paying for exam entries etc in the final terms bill and it is by far the most expensive for the least return of any of the school years.

And I've never understood why anyone would move a pupil who has achieved fantastic results at a state school to private for 6th form unless it is for specific subject choices. Just why? Whatever happened to the idea if it aint broke don't fix it?

Also, by the time they are 17/18 they should be well and truly independent learners and capable of working on their own. Good A level results are dependent on someone being able to sit and work on their own, and or with a study group, outside of the classroom. Nobody gets top grade A level results by just working in the classroom.

IME 6th formers with free lessons are used extensively by schools to take potential customers/pupils around on open days, exam days, interview days etc. DS's school had 7+,8+,9+,10,11+,13+ and 16+ entry it was endless. These schools often also run "charity" compulsory voluinteering schemes and 6th formers are sent to help or annoy local state school teachers so that the private school can justify their charitable tax status.

IME 6th form is the worst value for money of any school fees and I just cannot understand why anyone would move then.

Hi just to add that I second the comment about hiring a tutor. I am a private tutor and I had a student last year doing GCSEs whose parents had pulled him out of private and instead invested in tutoring. This worked out excellently for him and he massively exceeded his predicted grades.

I would do it the other way round and prioritise saving for later years / sixth form - up to a third of private 6th forms come from the State sector. If you are already shelling out for private tutoring to bolster state provision you could carry on with that to give the safety net of knowing the DCs are progressing.

If your ex is on board with private education could you and he set up a joint prepayment account so that you know the funds are in place in addition to the £40k you have?

Random 2p worth
Living near your child’s school- state or otherwise is a huge advantage-
Love totally out of London and you’d have the life of Reilly
Northamptonshire, Warwickshire & Leicestershire all 1 hours into central London
If your house is 1.3 in London it’s probably 400k here, you’d be mortgage free and commuting would be c.7k year
Schools are good but private fees also considerably less
I say that as someone with a London centric career btw

Wow. We have 3 boys at public school. Similar income and mortgage to you. We do it because we want to and go without other stuff. If you want to do that for your kids, do it. Sacrifice your ideal lifestyle, don't whinge and just get on with it. Otherwise don't. Simple.

I totally get how all consuming this seems OP as I’ve been round this loop regarding secondaries a lot recently and there isn’t an easy answer.

What I would say though, is that secondary school in the grand scheme of things ends up being a fairly tiny element of life in and of itself, once looking beck. Moving your entire lives for an area and a school none of you know is probably going to negatively impact your DCs much more than either of the other decisions (scrimping for private or settling for the local comp).

It sounds like you live in a house and a place you love where you all have a community. You and the kids have already lived through a divorce. A move could be really awful for all of you and it’s so final you can’t tell if it’ll work out until it’s done!

It sounds like in a pinch if you lost your job or otherwise struggled you could (a) get a nice quiet lodger for £700 a month (2) fall on mercy of GPs to top up (3) convince ex to pay more (4) still downsize at a later date and release equity if fees were still the priority.

Unless you have total fees in the bank and ringfenced agaist every eventuality, everyone embarking on private education has a risk of their circumstances changing and not being able to continue. It’s a risk many people do take so you’ll be in good company.

In your shoes I’d do what I could to stretch for the fees at a school that keeps the DC in the family home, and trust that if things change one way or the other you’d deal with it, still in the place you all love.

*I am also trying to figure out

I am also figure out how to send my two privately, being a scared by the local state schools. I am also foreign with no connections to the UK or family money / support, so really want to give the children the easiest start in life here.

I am on just below 100K, can probably increase that to 120K if I switch to full-time. Ex is absent through choice, and in any case won't participate financially as he has some left-wing political ambitions (and apparently sending the children to a private school will bury them). Modest mortgage as for London, but still cannot see it all adding up.

Surely everyone suggesting the OP moves out of London is missing the point that she would not likely earn anywhere near that salary outside Central London?
Even the home counties/commuter belt would quite possibly mean long commute times (the clue is in the name!) and if children are young this won't be helpful or even maybe an option. Plus taking them away from their father and possibly family and friends.

Good luck OP in what you decide. We are similar situation - made simpler as we have one child rather than two

Don’t stop your pension contributions! You will need them

But you could ditch the private health insurance - if you are young enough to have primary-aged kids you aren’t likely to need it. NHS care is fine/better than private for emergency care, and you can pay out of pocket for stuff like private physio if you need it (though we’ve always had NHS physio for sports injuries and it was excellent, just had to wait a few weeks for the appointment).

Travel insurance: shop around. We have multi-trip annual cover with winter sports from Insure&Go for about £100, if you are paying much more than that you should cancel.

I think that with your £40K savings, annual bonus of £11K and £1.5k pcm (18K pa) maintenance from your ex, you can manage it going forwards. If you didn't have this triple combination fallback, I definitely would not commit to one set of school fees let alone 2 sets unless you either increased your income/decrease your expenditure significantly.

Focus on secondary school fees i.e DC2 should stay in state primary until end of yr6 which allows you another 2 years to increase your savings or decrease your expenditure.

We paid down our mortgage significantly in advance of DC1 starting YR7 and have technically paid it off in advance of DC2 starting secondary 3 yrs later. School fees currently total £36K pa and we're able to pay out of income merely because of our negligible mortgage. However, even if our income dropped in the future, we do have savings/investments as backup. The only obvious area you could reduce your outgoings on is your pension contributions since your income would be £6.5K net excluding them instead of your current £5.5K net including them

Regarding letting DS1 start at the local secondary, how do I know he is not doing well? I am not expecting any massive dramas but think he is at risk of coasting/underachieving. Not sure this would become apparent until we get his GCSE results!
This appears to be an increasing uncertainty for all parents with the very inexact science of yearly grading, especially by inexperienced teachers and with the new GCSEs. We all want the teachers who have the capability and experience to get the best out of DCs, whether that means pushing or taking off the pressure. Even better if they can awaken an interest in a subject. I also prefer teachers to be straightforward about their opinions of my DCs We we’re lucky with our DCs and their schools but from second hand experience paying for private education does n’t guarantee any of the above except in a minority of schools. It can all be a bit hit and miss for most schools depending on year and subject.
Parent evenings and talking to parents of older DCs give an insight into the teachers and their teaching capabilities in relation to your DC. There of course is not one size fits all.

Like a number of posters, DH and I both work full time. Small mortgage (have compromised a bigger house / mortgage for DCs private education). We could have moved but decided longer commute and stamp duty etc not worth it

Speak to the schools regarding help. Everyone has a different situation and you should look to be paying fees on your own, using any maintenance you receive as contribution towards the fees. Financial help income limits quoted by a PP sound like the limits for one DC not two.

The other option you have not talked about is to consider boarding school. You will qualify for financial help and it probably makes more sense for the 2DC to be away during term time. It will allow you to focus on your career and get your income up.