Boys attending top independent schools and playing console games at home

Ds has done well at school & university but still a fair amount of Civ 5 ( and others more shooty ) went on - may be I am lucky and he was self regulating - it's just down time. & he also read and took the dogs out etc. I am not sure gaming is bad per se - It's just one thing they like to do. Unless it is obviously causing a problem - I would leave it. When I read my Kindle I am not interacting with people.

Gaming is really not that bad! Just make sure everything is done and let him get stuck in. Maybe steer the game type to highly complex strategy etc.

Our son boards at a top school and they have a console in house which the boys are allowed on once a week or so. We don’t have a console at home and would never dream of getting one. He plays games sometimes on his phone, but we monitor it and if necessary it is taken away. It just about policing it or just don’t have one!

Not to worry either way, my teenage relative is in demand and paid £20 per hour to coach an American Overwatch team. I don't seem him very often but it seems his confidence and social skills are flourishing with the responsibility. He's teaching himself Korean to get into the more lucrative Asian market.

Try any of a number of grammars in Northern Ireland @ourkidmolly

Can't be bothered to RTFT but we remove devices when they've had enough time.

And judge those parents who don't. It's not rocket science.

That's to @bifflediffle

Yes at 6th form but that's any school. My local comp has fairly high GCSEs requirements for entry. Otherwise please point me to a state grammar that culls before.

State schools can refuse entry into the 6th form- my children’s state (not in London) school requires very high grades in order to stay.

My gripe (sorry!) with the thread title was that essentially the post was asking how to ensure avid gamers perform to their full academic potential, whether that be GCSE’s at Grade 2 or Grade 9. Whilst I’m sure the OP didn’t mean it that way the top London Indie reads as a bit of a stealth boast.

State schools can and do.

Grammars for a start

Yes you do. State schools can't exclude for poor academic performance. Privates manage their poor picks out.

You don't have to be at a top London indie to be asked to leave if you don't perform

Mine didn't go to a top indie in London but "Have you finished your homework? No? Well, get upstairs and get it done. Now." worked for me.

I am ancient and spent HOURS holed up in my room, reading not homeworking. If it wasn't the console it would be something else.

DS had homework and got on with it. Some boys spent hours on it and were tutored and struggled. Often DS did the bare minimum to scrape into 2nd top set until 6th form. TBH he barely had to do a hand's turn to keep up so it's all relative.

DD goes to a very academic school, is in Y7, and gets very little homework, maybe about half an hour a day or so. It might not really be an issue. I am completely happy for her to play games (either on her phone or her Wii) after she's done music practice and homework. Everyone needs some downtime. Not everything I do is improving in some way, either!

My DS goes to a very academic school and gets a lot of homework. I let him play when he gets home because he is desperate for some down time. He tends to try to get a lot of homework done at the weekends. He does too much gaming for my liking but his reports are good so I let him do it.

I think there is often an assumption that all children can self regulate because others can .

My Ds has Adhd . So while I have to set firm boundaries . It works.

I also agree with the poster that said that children need down time.

My DS hasn’t learned how to self regulate yet. We had to remove his Xbox after his first term at secondary as he would still be on it late at night and his home work would be done in a rush. The school he is at has high standards and he can be asked to leave if he does not keep up. So we will monitor closely and work with him to develop a better balance

Are those of us without DC at Top Academic Independent School allowed to voice opinion?? OP I do think your title rather snobbily implies that of course this is not an issue for children at Ordinary Schools since they never get any homework/do extra-curricular anyway; heavens darling! They probably spend most of the school day on games consoles!
Right, having got that off chest ..I have DS in Y7 and have gone on a bit of a journey with this screen time thing (as in so many other areas tbh).
Few years back I would definitely have agreed with the earlier posters here; Just Remove it, Be a Parent, No screens during the week, All tasks completed first (best of all never get a console at all etc etc.) And indeed, when DS was younger I did take a pretty firm line. But distracting him - with trip to park, train set etc- was fairly easy (and cheap) then, plus what he wanted to do on screen - basically CBeebies plus - much more limited.
Like you OP I would have considered just about Anything- reading (of course) but also sport, any kind of playing out, Lego, messy or soft play - a preferable use of his time. And there’s still little doubt in my mind that unlimited screen time from early age will negatively impact most boys’ inclination to pick up a book or anything else. You have to turn it off to get results, obvs . . Especially when they are little.
However when it comes to prepubescent gaming obsession I have come round to the views expressed by sethis, goodbyestranger .. . Much teenage gaming may be mindless violence but the more I engage myself the more I can see that an awful lot of it is much more than that. But even if it were . . To be able to work hard at school kids really do need (mindless) downtime at home!
Plus there’s the self-regulation point . . learning to take responsibility for own progress is a huge part of what secondary school is about imo. They can’t do that without being granted some freedom to abuse!
So here’s what we do:
DS gets home anytime between 4 and 6 depending on extra-curricular . . Straight off, he’ll (demand food and) start gaming . . I have mixed feelings, part of me would like him to work first, but I agree with goodbyestranger that it is a part of winding down/chilling out. Before hour is up - earlier if already 6 - he’ll have explained to me what he has to do this evening and when he reckons it is happening. And on the whole, it does. . Frequently between tasks he’ll give himself another little gaming holiday but (with my help) keeps his eye on that clock. It’s my only fixed rule; all homework, practice and screens done by 8pm.
My hope/anticipation is that fairly soon I won’t need to check schedule at all, can just trust him to get on with it by himself . . He’ll get more homework, probably, but I work on assumption that he wants to do well at school, do it adequately and on time. All he needs help with at this stage is scheduling.
From this school year he has had a computer in his bedroom- another former resolution of mine up the spout. But it is used for homework as much as gaming, during term time anyway.
So that’s it, all subject to review as the years pass. Finally, I have to ask myself. . I grew up with virtually no screens at all, even reception of the very few tv channels available then (early 1970s) was touch and go where we lived . . And yes I did become fairly voracious reader, as I still am. But do I think kids today dimmer, less creative, less clued up intellectually emotionally and every other way than we were at the same age? No, no, and absolutely not. On the contrary, the ones I know would have left us standing, mouths agape . .

Yeah I wouldn't worry either. My ds is allowed to play all evening after his homework but he is socialising shouting at with a big group of mates which I would rather he did in the house where I know where he is than out on the high street.

Once he starts going out in the evening I will look back on it as a golden time of less worry.

I think many of us wish our DCs didn't spend so much time gaming but the genie is well and truly out of the bottle, it is part of modern life, and the DCs have to learn to manage the amount of time they spend doing it.

My DS was at Eton and loves gaming, as do many of his friends. His cousin was at Westminster and was exactly the same. He is now home from uni and he still spends time playing in the holidays. It has never got in the way of his studies and other school activities.

Without wishing to stealth boast, I know many, many top executives who spend their downtime glued to the PS4/Xbox. It didn’t/doesn’t do them any harm.

it's just that gaming for long periods can be so very solitary and appear to be a bit zoned out. And I'm not sure what they have to show at the end of it- compared to for e.g 5 hours painting, or reading.

The same can be said for listening to music. Or watching films.

What exactly do you think someone has to show for 5 hours of reading that is demonstrable or quantifiable?

Like any other hobby, gaming is a way to relax, enjoy yourself, and reject reality for a bit. It's no more harmful than any other, and is more beneficial than many. Here's a few:

• Exposure to historical/mythological/ethical topics
• Increased fine motor skills and reflexes
• Better problem solving and lateral thinking skills
• Increased social capital i.e. he can instantly talk to other kids his own age about something they have in common
• A hobby that can be done solo or shared with other people equally easily

Look into games like The Turing Test, Talos Principle and Portal if you want non-violent games that demonstrably benefit his lateral thinking skills. Things like Civilization or Age of Empires to increase his knowledge of classical history and so on. Not all games are mindlessly violent, any more than all films are Hostel or Saw.

OP DS2 and DS3 now aged 21 and 22 have played on their x box for as long as I can remember and I didn't institute any rules, and didn't insist or even suggest that they did their homework before playing when they came back from school. In fact I'd tend towards the opposite: that they benefit from unwinding after school before starting homework. Anyhow, my view is that it's up to the DC in question. Both DS2 and DS3 did fine and got Oxford firsts and are still playing on the x box (even today: both went out to lunch with respective friends, came back, one played for a bit and is now working (I think!) for an exam he has next week and the other is still playing. They're both still doing fine. MN mothers seem to lay down incredibly strict guidelines and I'm not at all sure it's for the best. Each to their own however.