Unhappy Daughter in Yr7

I also second the PP’s above who point out that a school not willing to nip these issues in the bud in year 7 does not strike me as a good school.

The measure of a school is how they react when things go wrong in my experience.

Seriously.... Move her.

She’ll get no education at all if she’s scared and depressed at school. This can lead to serious MH issues.

It’s more important for kids to enjoy school (or at the least not hate it) and therefore be free to learn.

Move her fast.

Who cares what any one else thinks? When is your daughter, not theirs, and you are her parent.
I'd move her, absolutely, and tell the school why you are doing so. My daughter had a rough year 7 in our local comp. We waited until the Easter term to look for another school, and didn't move her until the start of year 8. She wished she'd moved sooner - the damage was done and her self confidence was at rock bottom.

Also, I have to add that if the school cannot deal with a bullying problem at the start of Yr 7 (one of the most common times of difficulty for students) then they can't be that good of a school to begin with.

I would run through every single option with the current school and AT THE SAME TIME begin the procedure to move schools. If there is no progress or change between now and the deadline for moving, then I'd get her out.

Speaking from experience, the quality of the school as a whole is irrelevant if you spend all day being bullied mercilessly.

100% move her - the new schools sounds terrible and I would be sending a letter to governors on my way out to outline how ineffective the leadership have been at dealing with bullying.

I would move her if she wants to. Not because of the bullies, but because of the school's attitude. My dcs' school would both down on this sort of behaviour very hard. I'm taking suspension level of consequence. If school are trying to brush this under the carpet, then she's best out of there.

I understand what you’re saying and to an extent I agree. I think you need to kick up a massive fuss but I would still move her personally. They don’t seem to have the pastoral care to even stop ‘kick the ginger day’ and as much as it’s the bully’s fault, the school is at fault also. A lot of the time these schools that do well don’t pay much mind to situations like these as there’s always another child waiting for a space. I don’t think you DD should bear the brunt of you trying to fix a clearly larger issue in this school.

I understand where the others are coming from saying move her. But it makes me really angry the bully might 'win' and their behaviour result in another child having to take such a drastic step. I would be escalating this so hard. What has your older daughter's experience been like? Are there members of the teaching staff you feel you know better than others who could help?

Regardless of whether you move her (and it sounds like that would be the best idea, unless she can move into a different class and the bullies are properly dealt with) you need to DEMAND that the school takes appropriate action with the bullies. Because even if she leaves, other kids do not deserve to be subjected to this kind of toxic behavior either. Have you raised with the school? Are they oblivious to what is going on? "Kick a ginger day"--seriously???

Please move her, it truly is the best thing you'll ever do for her...I was bullied throughout Primary and Secondary my parents kept saying it's the 'best school' in the area the bullying was relentless apparently it would "toughen me up"...I suffer from serious depression and anxiety, it's affected me throughout life and have a lot of difficulty in trusting people!

I wanted to go to the other ordinary Primary & secondary school that had a real mix of people...please put your daughters needs first and move her for her own mental health needs!

How totally heartbreaking for you. If a move is an option I'd seriously consider it. The school May have good educational attainment but it sounds like a low score on the pastoral side. kick a ginger week?! I don't think so

Your poor daughter.

I would move her too. She has good friends at the other school.

And really, she will get the grades if she's good enough, regardless of which school she goes to. We have grammar schools in our area and it's very competitive to get in. Our local state school is just as good. One of their pupils got three A* at A level last year.

A happy child will learn more than a miserable child.

Screw what anyone else thinks!

Please, please MOVE HER!

My DD went to a brilliant girls school in Y7, she became a shadow of herself, she found it 'cliquey', and would cry very night. Previously I never woke her up as she loved school, I was then dragging her out of bed.

I moved her in the first term, within two weeks she was back to her normal cheeky, confident self. She is Y10 now, and she still remembers what it was like and how much she hated it.

She will not have the self belief and confidence to succeed in her current school.

Your child's mental health is more important than anything else. Whilst you could approach the school, whilst you are doing that your daughter is being traumatised every day. Also remember with SM there is not a break from bullying. I know of a child that committed suicide at my daughter's original school last year because she was being bullied and the school were acting on it but was just to slow for this young girl.

I do really feel for you, I cried when my daughter would go to bed, as my heart broke for her

Move her

Its also very early on in the year, she will easily look like the child that was just waiting for a space.

That school sounds shit (and horribly similar to mine growing up).

I join in the chorus of 'move her'.

I'd move her too. There isn't much education happening when a child is this upset and ad anyway. You could give the worlds best tutor to an unhapy child and it will make a marginal difference. I would move her before her self esteem is so trampled she'll struggle elsewhere. She may not stick to her best friends at the new school either but it's always nice to have a friendly face.

Unless the other school is the worst school in the world ever, then I would move her. It is very difficult even in the best school in the world if you are unhappy and being bullied.

On the other side of this my DD started a school in yr 7 with no one she knew. She said she was on her own at break times, she had only made one friend in her tutor group and the friend hung around with others at lunch. I asked her how the other people in her tutor group treated her, she said they were nice but just different in their interests. So no bullying. She said she really missed her primary school friends. I said see how it goes up to Christmas. After a few more weeks she made friends in a different tutor group and eventually became better friends with people in her tutor group. She now loves her school. In these circumstances I would say stick it out for a while.

Maybe see if she can move tutor groups, if not then I would seriously consider moving her. But if she is having to put up with bullying and nastiness and loneliness that isn't fair.

Move her. She won't get much of an education at all if she's this upset, but if she's happy in herself and able to focus, she'll excel elsewhere. . to you both x

Is the secondary school one that typically has spaces or do you risk loosing the space if you don't act quickly?

I'd ask for a copy of the school bullying policy. I'd ask for an appointment to see the the head of Year this week. Have your daughter write down every thing thing that has happened so far. Be sure to record every contact you and your daughter have said to staff as well. I'd then push the school for a concrete plan as to how they are going to tackle the bullying. Be very clear you will keep escalating this and expect the policy to be followed. I'd be inclined to give it a month meticulously recording and pushing the school to act if you think the current school offers a substantially better academic education while live bombing your daughter and getting her to see friends outside school every weekend. If your daughter is sporty or musical it can really help to make friends through school teams/ orchestra.

If your daughter is still miserable after a month I'd move her.

I agree with Sputnik.....if your DDs mental health goes downhill, it doesn't matter how good a school is

Move her. Good mental health will always outweigh educational opportunity.

Friends who are kind and love her and her good mental health is worth it’s weight in gold. Much more than her current experience. Plus being so unhappy could impact negatively on her learning anyway.

Move her ASAP. I was your DD and it ruined my life. I still suffer from anxiety and have difficulty trusting people and making friends. Being in a better school is pointless if it destroys her mental health and self esteem.