Unhappy Daughter in Yr7

@user1andonly I’m seriously thinking about it.
We are all just hanging on for news this week.
@sassh goodness I’m so sorry to read what happened to you and the long term affects it has left you with.
I agree totally that not all girls are suited to all girls schools as she misses boy friends too x

Do you have to send her back after half term? Could you just withdraw her from the girls school and say you are going to home educate her until the place is available at the new school? I guess this might not be possible if you are at work full time but I'd want her out of there asap, poor love.

Please move her.

My parents not moving me is something that I struggle with 40 years later. I'm sure it had an impact on my education, I had a lot of time of sick that wasn't really necessary.

By VI Form I was so unhappy I became physically sick and had to be admitted to hospital. I still was not allowed to leave so spent upper VI wandering around town rather than attending lessons.

Even as an adult I would drive the long way round so that I didn't have to drive past my school.

Not all girls are suited to girls' schools.

Nothing I have had to cope with since has been anything like as bad as my school days. I say that as someone who became permanently disabled, suffers with mental health issues and has had huge debts.

That school has completely failed your poor DD. How can they live with themselves?

Well done OP. So glad to hear this.

Good luck to you and your DD for the second half of term.

Hi 👋
Ohhh your message hit me. The words ‘loneliness and sad’ just summed it up for me.
I showed my daughter it and she said ‘that’s me’.
We are now two weeks since my post.
We have applied to move her as her school have refused to move her to another class.
We have collected all of our paperwork together to move her (which then was lost by council 🙈) so we are now just waiting to hear that it’s all been processed.
DD has half term this week and she is able to laugh and have fun but the dread of next Monday is still there.
With us it has been the overwhelming saddness, loneliness and just watching the fun and sparkle drain from our daughter that has been so upsetting.
She has got off to a really bad and negative start that we don’t think she can claw her way back out of.
Fingers crossed she moves shortly to be with her friends that love her, accept her for who she is and to have fun whilst learning.
We couldn’t leave her there to fade.
I wish the best of luck with your decision. It’s knowing when enough is enough.
It’s not about being over protective parents to snowflakes but just knowing that this is not what’s best for your child. 5 years is a long time x
Sending you and him best wishes x

So glad to find this thread!

Very similar situation except the bullying for DS...a very good school, older brother goes there, DS was always a super-confident child, I had no concerns before he started. His issue is loneliness. Only two friends went from his primary school and his new school split them up. So they are all with people they don't know. I did flag this up as an issue well before he started, but the school never replied.

My heart breaks for how sad DS has become and I am considering moving him to an "inferior" (if you go by Ofsted) school where most of his primary friends are.

I am undecided, but don't see how he can learn properly feeling so upset all the time...

Some of the replies to the OPs post have been helpful and just what I needed to read . It's hard to contemplate removing your child from a school that is sought after and oversubscribed.

Hope all is still well, @cissyknowsbest56 @thatssobetty56

So glad for you and her... onwards and upwards!

My DD (Y6) has decided she wants to go to a different school to most of her yeargroup, not that she's been unhappy, but she's not top of the social pile and fancied a change and I'm quite pleased as I did think if she went to that school there would be a big risk that the bullying girls would turn her current mates against her, as kids have a habit of turning against the 'weakest link' because then they're not on the bottom of the pecking order (and unless DD has a personality transplant, she'd never bully anyone, she just doesn't understand why someone would do it).

Happy to see your update. I would make it very clear to the school why you are removing her. Go into detail of every incident, and highlight how it wasn't dealt with. Send it to the head of year, the person in charge of pastoral care, the head teacher and the chair of governors.

Bullying happens in every school. A good school doesn't brush it under the carpet, but acknowledges that it happens and deals with it effectively.

I have walked in your shoes and the long term effects of bullying are devastating.

We moved our child's school (primary) because of bullying. It was the best decision we ever made. We were so cross that it was us, and not the bullies, who had to go but hey ho. Interestingly, despite moving from an 'outstanding' and high achieving school to a normal one, my child's marks improved too.

Brilliant news, OP (even if there may have been a slight name change fail there).

That's brilliant news for you and your family...I am absolutely disgusted with the schools poor handling of the situation...your daughter will always remember that you believed her and took action!

I've only just caught up with your thread but I too feel you've done just the right thing.

I angsted over moving my DD from a very 'good' school which just didn't suit her - and also a bit of bullying. I was waiting for her to tell me she had had enough and am ashamed of how long it took me to realise that I had to make the decision - I was the parent. Before, she was happy in spite of school. Now she is happy because of school. Crucial difference. And her situation was no way as bad as your poor DDs.

Still can't get over the anti-ginger day. WTAF??

Good, I hope it all goes well and that your daughter settles in quickly.

Thank you all so very much for taking the time to reply to my post. I really wasn’t expecting so much help.
A morning break and lunch break call from DD in tears and panicking that she was on her own again today was the final straw.
We have tonight applied to move her to our local secondary school to be with her friends where she will be calmer and happier.
It’s going to be a rough few days but I feel happy (so does she!) with the decision.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart xxx

Moving her doesn’t just get her away from bullies, it also says to her that you believe her and you hold her state of mind and happiness close. She needs you to act because you are the very people who she must be able to trust.

Your poor DD and poor you, so stressful. Move her ASAP

She'll only succeed if she is happy at school.

Your poor DD.

Move her.

And kick up a stink about how shit the current school is being too.

Fridaydreamer, you are spot on - the true worth of a school is how good it is when things go wrong, not when everything's fine.

Move her, mental health is very important no child of mine would stay where they were unhappy for a second longer than necessary.

I would move her in a heartbeat.

Move her - her mental health is more important.

We went through the same last yr when my dd joined yr 7 in a new school. We went with the best school but away from her primary school friends. There was no bullying as far as we were aware but she was excluded from friendships and spent each breaktime and lunchtime alone, texting me about how much she hated it and how afraid she was.

Her mental well-being deteriorated quickly, almost like she disintegrated. It was a terrible time for all of us, but most of all her. She talked a lot about wanting to die and to disappear. We sought input from the GP/specialist counselling etc, but honestly none of it made much difference and quite frankly there was nowhere near enough of it. She ended up refusing to go to school, going from a happy child in yr 6 to a child I didn't recognise in yr 7.

We made the mistake of not moving her quickly and waited until just after Christmas. Things did improve once she was moved to the same school as her close primary friends, but it took time. I am happy to report that now she is in yr 8 and is back to her old happy self, but I will never forget what she went through.

In short OP, don't worry what anyone else thinks, move her as quickly as you can. The school we moved our DD to isn't as well rated but she is honestly achieving more because she is so much happier.
for both you and your DD... things will get better