Bright enough for super-selective grammar but prefer comp

My dad had 3 brothers and a sister. This was when the whole country was a grammar school area. His sister and two brothers went to direct grant grammars. One brother went to the secondary modern. By far the most successful of them has been the secondary modern brother (and happier too). Like none of them did badly in life or anything. All the grammar boys have good middle class lives, families etc. But yeah, it’s not going to make or break anything if you’re there to support them. By far the defining thing in their lives was their mother more than their schools.

Not a Grammar area here per se but there a couple of Grammars in the next town so some kids do the 11+ ( including dd)
The one thing I noted that made a real difference between the kids that did well enough to get a place and the ones that didn’t was that THEY really wanted it. If your child doesn’t want to go to The Grammar unfortunately they May not be motivated enough to put the work in to get a place
A lot of dc we know didn’t want to go to The Grammar schools here because most if their friends weren’t and also the schools are older with worse facilities than the Comp alternative so very few took the 11+ and the ones who only did because the parents pushed them to do it didnt do so well no matter how bright they were.

Go to the grammar, unlikely that their position will change.
A good comp or even good private school can deteriorate over a short space of time.
All it needs is a new head, change in staff, and results can drop and the whole environment change.
less chance of this with a grammar as they tend to stay true to form.

I might not completely agree with BubblesBuddy that a grammar is the right school but I 100% agree with them that you need to support your child's needs and establish where he will be best served. I think you need to garner much more information about all the schools that might be appropriate before making a decision. Anything could happen at any of the schools before you need to be making a final decision in September next year.
I have to assume that the end goal here with younger son has got to be them going to university. I think things have changed in terms of it is not now a necessity to be at the "grammar" to get to university but you do need to be convinced that the "comp" has a thriving sixth form and is currently getting pupils into university. If that is questionable then you would be well advised to be looking to a grammar school.
As for doing 11+ prep, that is not going to be any bad thing to start doing to see how your son reacts to it as it may well give you a good indicator for which type of school will suit.

I can assure you that every child in a grammar cannot be a “geek”. That’s just impossible and is probably only a small minority of children. I bet the rugby team are not geeks! I would go and have a look when you can. You don’t need to decide until y6 anyway.

If there are two Grammars, the comprehensive doesn’t have a top stream in that these children are in the grammar. If your DC2 might get to a grammar, I would try and support his needs. The Grammars are not always “wow” when you first see them but you have to think of where you Ds’s needs will be best served. Definitely keep plugging away with the tuition and see how it goes.

Consider what it was you didn't like about the grammar schools. Was it the buildings - did they seem run down? Or was it the teaching staff - did no-one seem inspiring or particularly interested? Was it the head teacher and the way they talked about the school?

If it was me I would continue with the 11+ prep for now. You don't have to make it a massive thing but just keep going with it in a low key way. Then you can visit the school when they hold their next open days next summer. If you decide then that you really really like it then he'll have done the prep for it. If you decide that you don't and that you don't like the other schools either then you can stop the prep. Or he can sit the exam and you can have another round of visits and see what you think when you have the results.

same dilemma in our house. where will your DS be happiest?

I went to a comp and a grammar (parents moved) and the grammar education was in a different league. It’s only one comparison and it’s a long time ago. I can imagine it would also be much more convenient to have them at the same school.