The old private v state - we have to choose!!

Over 25% of exams awarded 7 or above - comp

44% 8, 9 or A* at the private school

Er, that's a huge difference. Not as gigantic as it would be at the most selective independents, but still very significant indeed. Seize the opportunity with both hands!

The independent school certainly isn’t particularly selective with those results. The comprehensive sounds ok but no better than that.

I think you have to look at far more than academics though. Independent schools should offer all sorts of extra activities and opportunities. Often sports scholars get kit bought for them. It is the norm for independent schools to like sporty children. So she will find other girls like her and the teams may well be stronger as a result of that policy. Independent schools often have specialist teachers for sports so that can be a bonus too.

Other posters are overlooking that independent boarding schools usually have new girls in Y9. Often day girls have very long days though.

If you started on this route, and your DD wants to go, you owe it to her to try it. It’s a bit flaky to back out now and suggest it’s because the other pupils might change your DD. They won’t. If you saw the Redcar programme on the BBC recently, look at the upset caused by the girl who got to the private school with a 90% bursary but still couldn’t go. There were many reasons why that process should never have been started, not least the total absence of funds for the 10% of fees and transport costs, but if you have done your sums, then go for it. It will make her feel successful, confident and happy. She deserves this.

Just to reassure you - if you think she'll no longer be 'lovely' and tolerant if she goes to a private school. My dd goes to a selective girls private school on a bursary, but she's kept in close contact with her old primary best friend and other friends from church and youth group who go to ordinary comprehensives and she meets up with them regularly. She's very accepting of all types of people.

Also, the girls school doesn't sound as selective as my daughter's - GCSE results were around 80% 8/9/A* there. I say that because one of the struggles at a selective school is feeling inadequate and my daughter does sometimes feel that a bit, but we're trying to encourage her not to compare. I'm thinking it might not be such an issue at the school you're considering though.

One benefit of this sort of school is the high expectations - I think they're generally pushed up by the peer group. I don't think it matters that much at GCSE, but I do think they're more likely to push themselves towards an 8 or 9 if they think that's normal and achievable. My dd did comment that her old best friend, who is very bright, has already assumed she's not capable of more than a 7. She definitely has lower expectations because only a handful in her year will get 8s and 9s. Having said that, I'm sure her school will push her to achieve her best.

I would keep her where she is going on what you have said. She seems to be happy in all areas which is so important. There is an argument that children who are able academically will do well where ever they are as long as the teaching is to a good standard and they are happy in their environment. Personally speaking from experience I am not convinced by single sex schools. I work in child protection and believe the balance with both sex schools is healthier and more reflective of the mix of society in general. Some girls have some great friends who are boys too. I am not saying this is the case everywhere but some girls schools I have visited have had problems with self harming and girls with an over fascination with boys especially as some girls do not always have the opportunity to mix with boys their own age on a regular basis in a single sex school. Obviously your dd's wishes are important too. Best luck with whatever decision you make.

I imagine the "huge difference" academically is because the private school is selective and only takes the top 10% or so of the population, whereas the comprehensive take a full ability range.

I agree you can't compare the two, but you can compare how these results compare based on the intake. (e.g for the comp, you can drill down into results by high/medium/low achievers on the education.gov site). For the private school, how does it compare with other schools with similar intake? What happens if your child is not a stellar performer?

Interesting that your DD originally mentioned being overlooked at the comp but she's now found her niche. Will she still have the opportunity to be on the student council at the private school? Will her teachers notice her, or will she just "be much of a muchness" with the others? Or will she just be pigeonholded as "the sporty one"? I'd want to consider these things very carefully.

That's a huge difference academically. And she wants to go, and it will play to her strength in sport and help you manage logistically as a family.

At this age she will likely change friends anyways, there are lovely girls everywhere, and smoking will certainly happen at a comprehensive too. It feels like you have personal concerns about independent education, perhaps?

I think you can compare but are chosing not to. 44% A* or equivalent whereas the other only has 25% A and above so considerably lower.

It is clear you do not want her to go private from the way you are posting. Eg. That she will no longer be lovely (why wouldn't she?)

She clearly wants to go there but from yiu earlier post your views are clearly making her dither now.

You need to support her education and if you don't feel able to do that if she goes privately then leave her where she is and give her support.

I don't understand why you started this route if not invested in it. Also be prepared for backlash later if she doesn't go and feels she missed out.

Is she an only child? How will the decision affect your others if you have them? I would sit down with your daughter and go through all the advantages and disadvantages (unknowns) and decide together.

Can she give it a try? Would she be able to move back if it didn't work out or will her place be taken? How oversubscribed is her current school?

These decisions are really tricky and you'll never know how it would have worked out if you took the other option. Girls do change a lot from year 9 anyway - as some have said, they often start to drop things they've been interested in, start to struggle more with image and self-confidence. We found year 9 to be relatively hard compared to previous years. Our dd had a few patches where she didn't want to go to school, having always loved school in the past. I'm pretty sure it was nothing to do with school - she was suffering bad acne and she also started to worry academically, with the start of GCSEs on the horizon. Also, some girls in her year started to change - parties with alcohol came in and she felt uneasy with some of the behaviour.

I say all this so that whatever you decide - if things start to get difficult next year, you won't assume it's because you made the wrong decision! From friends with girls the same age as my dd, things do start to get more tricky from year 9 onwards anyway.

As to what you should do - it sounds like the only real reason to move her is to make things easier for the family practically. That's quite a significant reason though. If she was going to be equally happy socially it would probably be worth it. Also, she can potentially keep all her old friends too so she'll have double the socialising opportunities! Of course it may not work that way. Good luck with your decision whatever you decide!

You don't mention anything about the academic results, which is a bit strange to me. I went on a music scholarship to an independent - it was an up and down experience but the biggest advantage to me was that as a fairly average student academically I was still able to achieve excellent results at GCSE and A level because of the extra resources of the independent school, and the higher standards. The results I got would have been some of the top ones at my (decent) state school, and I was not a top set student.
Going where I did opened up so many more doors at university level, it's worth considering this too.

Without being goady, why did you start down this path? I’m assuming you contacted the school and applied for a place? What was driving that? Are those drivers still relevant?

I do get the apprehension, our DD joined a private school as a boarder from her local lovely comp. at sixth form. Before we agreed to her applying we thought long and hard about whether we could agree to her going if the school offered the right package (no way to afford it otherwise).

But the point is we looked at all the advantages and disadvantages at the time of applying.
If DD had changed her mind part way through then fair enough, but I felt it would be unfair to her if we changed, after she had done all the work to get there.

I'd be inclined to leave her where she is.

Don't underestimate being happy, settled, well liked, confident and doing well in sport and academics on top.

My Dneices all went to a private school. The eldest did well (but not exceptional) and went to uni. The second did well (again not amazing) and is now at uni. The third struggled.
The middle Dneice is thriving at Uni and admitted to me last year in private that she didn't really enjoy her private school and felt she didn't fit in. Having met a huge cohort of state comp kids at uni she feels that she would have enjoyed a good comp much more.

It's horses for courses, but your dd's current school sounds great and more importantly she sounds really happy there.

and don't underestimate the cost of sports kit and how many sets she will need!

why did you apply? there must have been a reason.

The school's overall results don't matter, and often just reflect how selective it is at entry. The question is whether your dd will achieve her potential at her current school.

If she is happy and thriving where she is you'd be mad to move her.

Re the cost, if say it is £20k/year fees and you have an 80% discount, that is still £4k to find, plus trips/uniform/extras. That's a family holiday...

How big is the school? is it known for its sport? how many girls in regional development squads? will your dd continue to play with her club? (some schools dont allow this).

Are you prepared to say which school?

Knowing what I know now I would never move a happy child.

If she's happy where she is and doing well, don't move her.

Not saying it is true in your case, but she's also at the age where girls tend to change a lot and may start to lose interest in activities they've previously loved. (12 is a the big drop out age in girlguiding, for example). If the main reason for going to this school is the sports scholarship and the sports support, what if she decides she's not interested in sport any more? Or not at such a competitive level?

If DH is worried about costs, make sure you work out what they are - as well as fees there will be incidental extras, uniform (plus presumably lots of sports kit!), trips etc.

Is it the private school that will support her more in the sports? if it is then, that would be really good but unless the private school is better for her in other ways too, I'd keep her where she is because she sounds like she is really happy there. Although if you do move her, I'm sure she'd make lots of friends there too. I think children's happiness is massively important in education so I think it depends on where she'd be happier.

In all honesty, having had a DD who has suffered friendship issues, if she is settled, happy and is achieving well I really would be reluctant to move her to an unknown. Her being settled and happy is so very important.

Ultimately though, let your daughter make the choice but sit down and have a frank conversation with her about your concerns.