11+ waiting for results

The only thing my sons think is their residential trip to france. Tomorrow is the second 11+ test and the day after starts the trip. Both boys are super exited and I think it's a great distraction for them.

Actually because of the shape of Bucks there can be nice comps just down the road eg. Clement Danes in Herts is just down the road from Dr Challoners.

There are good comps just over the border into Berkshire, Northamptonshire and Oxfordshire too.

@PettsWoodParadise - I agree entirely about celebrating the effort before the result is know and am hoping to do something special with DS2 in the afternoon after the test.

@Brisklady - we are in a similar situation in that if DS2 doesn't get in we may have to consider an independent school. I don't think we would qualify for any bursary though so could be expensive.

@ShebaFelix - where we are we are not in a full grammar area but we have access to a grammar school if we want to try for it. Only around 4-5 kids from DS school will even take the test. For those who don't there are a number of very good comprehensive faith based schools and a few not so good non faith schools. There is therefore still a level of pressure for us especially has the pass level needed to get a place is very high.

Good luck and fingers crossed for everyone.

Yes def celebrate after the exam and before the results. They've done their best and out the effort in and recognition of that is so important for them. Any treats or rewards should be now, not on results day. It's amazing how many promise reaards based on results, without considering how that child will feel if they haven't been deemed of selective ability, or if they have, how for others who haven't, how hearing about others getting rewards at that point will make them feel.

It's really nice if the weekend after the exam, the children are able to talk about how they've had cream cakes or been out for a meal or a treat ....because it's all about their effort, which in the end,mis the only thing in their control.

Hope lots of lovely treats and happy family times have been happening or are planned for e next few weekends as exams end, and all the children are able to feel a sense of relief and satisfaction in having tried, and that being recognised by their families.

The wait is awful, but try not to talk about it too often......if you don't, for many children, it all slips away very quickly as they get caught up in being part of Yr6. It's hard when a lot of Open days are between now and results day....but I guess when you go to the Grammar alternative, it's a chance to really emphasise the positives that you like about it, giving them a sense that if this is the end destination, there are good things about it.....might be facilities or lots of local people going there or whatever....there will always be some positives, and knowing those just lifts the pressure a bit for the kids.

Thanks Soomaa. If we do get an affordable bursary offer it will add another choice, which will be easy if we don't get a state offer that we like, but hard if we do. But obviously it's an odd definition of 'hard' - it would be a genuinely hard choice for us, but we would also be extremely lucky to have that choice. But there are two big ifs before we get to that point!!

Don't worry brisklady, it doesn't sound entitled.

Sympathy to you all. DD did this three years ago. We had three lots of September/October results (Bexley, Kent and Newstead) to get and the wait was not the easiest, with the result of the school DD wanted most the last result of all. It was also our nearest secondary school geographically with the second nearest, a non selective school, being out of distance by about 0.2 of a mile so we would have ended up with horrid journeys for any other non-selective school.

In the end after the tests it was a case of ‘we can’t change the result so no point worrying’ and celebrated with DD that she had done her best and worked hard. It is really important to celebrate their effort before you know the result.

Good luck to all waiting

I would very much prefer not to live in a full grammar system - it’s such a pressure for 10 year olds.

I’m in Bucks too. Glad it’s over but the waiting isn’t fun. The alternatives to the grammar are not great at all. Going to some open days in the next couple of weeks - seen the grammar already which my DS loved....

I’m in too, test was today. It’s going to be a long 4 weeks, but I’m just mightily relieved to have got past today. DS came out pretty happy, the question area he was struggling with didn’t come up so all pleased about that!

Sorry, Soomaa, just realised how entitled my post sounded . It's not quite how it sounded - don't want to go into lots of details, but we only have one potential independent option, where we would pay considerably less than full fee, but it's at least as hard to get into as the grammars - we're certainly not in a position of 'if he doesn't pass we'll just go private'.

Brisklady, having lots of options can be overwhelming, but a least you have alternatives if your son doesn't pass and hopefully enough time to sort them out.

I’m in too. My DS1 sat the 11+ for a Berkshire grammar today. He was much calmer than me, though I hope I hid it. Now we just have to wait... not holding out much hope as we are in a super selective area so odds he’ll get a place are extremely low.

Yup, I'll join in too. Another Kent parent here. I really don't know which alternative we would aim for if DS doesn't pass. We have a very 'tame' vicar who would probably exaggerate our church attendance, but I refuse to play that game (and you shouldn't feel guilty about not playing it, Bluths!! You're modelling good values to your kids.). DS is baptised, so we might have a shot at St Greg's, but not a hope of Bennett. Too far from SKA. We're considering independent as well as state, which adds another school into the mix, so the number of potential options feels bewildering!!

OP, if you are in Bucks it will not be a 'comp down the road' but a secondary modern. Folks do seem to mix this up. Oxfordshire has comprehensive schools, no grammars, no 11+ stress.

You're right chocolate!

I'm still happy that my children are born in a country with free education and health care. I'm not born in the UK and went through a lot of aweful experience. My children will have a life way better than my own. That's the most important point. But I also know that (statistically) my kids don't have the best chances: black, muslim, EAL, low income single parent with many children from a deprived neighbourhood...
I see every day how much my older children flourish at their schools and I hear bad stories about our local comp. I just want the best for my kids (like every parent) and I can't help them a lot with school work or pay for private tutors. They worked so hard for the test and we all did our best.
Of course, school is not everything and we'll find a way whatever the test outcome will be. I try my best not to worry in front of my children.

We get our results on friday 12 October. Less then four weeks to go.

Good luck to everyone!

Sorry the schools I’m referring to aren’t the ones OP is talking about, it’s Bluths

I’ve not got twins and am through it but hope sharing my experience may help

I’ve one v bright and one borderline

V bright convinced he fucked it up and I actually didn’t sleep for the six weeks we waited for the result, terrified he’d end up in a school totally unsuited to him

He sailed through

The other one failed one paper by one point - Kent. She was accepted for the school I think you’re talking about in the next town but she desperately didn’t want to go there, literally all her friends passed and we had 9 months of all her friends being delighted and her sucking it up whilst we waited patiently to appeal. She went to the other school for a streaming test a few weeks before the appeal and I had to collect her early from the head’s office as she was having a panic attack. She was very unhappy when I got her “none of the girls are like me, I hate it here” etc.

No pressure for the appeal then

I have to say, apart from that day, I am enormously proud of how my DD handled it all. She was patient and showed huge resilience - she’s since won awards for this at both primary and secondary

She’s in Y8 at her chosen grammar now, appeal successful. She’s doing very well and is very happy

I was ambivalent about which school would be best for her but she was utterly unwavering in her choice and you know what? She was right

So if one DD scrapes a fail, I’d recommend appealing. It’s not for the faint hearted for sure, but our DD actually grew from the experience and I’m so glad we persevered.

I’d also consider the grammar in the next town etc - check which really is the best fit rather than which is the most local.

DD has hers today and I’m in bed wide awake worrying about it! We’ve prepared loads (I’ve tutored her because we can’t afford anyone private) but in all honesty I don’t think she’s quite ready for it. Her primary school isn’t great so there’s been no preparation there at all. She’s the only child in her class who’s giving it a go.
It’s actually fine if she doesn’t get in to our local grammar, the local comp seems perfectly good and she wants to go to the same school as her friends anyway. But I know she feels the pressure to make me proud and nothing I say about how I’m proud of her regardless seems to sink in. Really quite worried about her mental health if she doesn’t do as well as she wants.

*Bluth^ how is it possible that church schools get to discriminate like this! I’m in your neck of the woods too and remember hearing the saying you ‘pay or you pray’ to get your kids into a good school. It’s so unfair!

Can you imagine a system elsewhere where you could discriminate against a child because of their faith. Not only that but the only ‘new’ school for years (Trinity) is another blardy ‘faith’ school!! Can you imagine the uproar if they opened a new school and only aetheists and agnostics were allowed. If you went to church you wouldn’t be allowed in?!

Anyway I am missing the point spectacularly, I remember that dreadful wait for results. It must be even worse with the twin dilemma. Good luck bearing up through it everyone and fingers crossed your children all get the results they are hoping for

I invigilated the Bucks one yesterday, feedback from the children was it was quite a good one.

No tears going in (or out) which is great.

Good luck to you all

Waiting is very hard. I always think the key thing is that your child has a sense that things are in control, there will be a school for them and that there is a bright future for them. When the alternative to Grammar isn't great, it's hard to deliver this message,mbut it's so important that they hear this, because it's really not right for 10 year olds to worry that they have or might have let themselves down, or that their parents are let down or worried about future schools, or that their future school mig be a load of crap and their future crap. They really mustn't hear this message in the run up to exams, whilst waiting for results or afterwards.

I'd just say be very careful when speaking to your spouses or friends about it all.....those 10 year olds have very sharp hearing and you might think you're quietly expressing your worries and fears and they aren't listening, but actually they often are. Our job is to reassure them that the next stage might be unknown at the moment, but it will be okay.

And how to stop not passing feeling like the end of the world to us as parents? Remembering that having parents who care about education is a key part of the battle and children with parents like that can go onto do really well, that lots of children in all types of schools do really well and that actually often the alternatives are not as bad as we might imagine they are and lots of children do really well, when they've got parental support at home. And that school is one aspect of life and I the wider scheme of things there's probably a lot to be grateful for....compared to the issues of illness and disability and the struggles many people face on a daily basis, this whole thing is just such a little issue.....these children who are mostly in great health and with happy lives, have little to worry about a great futures.

Sorry if it all sounds patronising.....just, that a little bit of wider perspective sometimes does help when you start to feel very inward looking and as if you're becoming over-whelmed by is one aspect of life. They will still be your much loved children regardless and you will still help them succeed.

I think heart of the church means mum’s a Sunday school teacher, dad’s a church warden type of family, rather than just turn up most sundays. Actually I think it has to be a minimum of one Sunday in three to be considered a regular church goer for the school admission.

I'm in!!

My twins sat one test last saturday and another one next week. They have older siblings at grammar schools and feel a bit under pressure to join them.

Unfortunately, our local comp is not a place my kids could feel safe. To much gang activities and unsocial behavior. And the good schools are hugely oversubscribed and we don't know wether we live close enough for 2019 admission or not.