Have we got a starting Secondary School Support thread?

DD is going selective so I think she will be in for a bit of a shock when she no longer comes top in everything. Otherwise she appears to be quite relaxed, occasionally pausing to tell me there are things like gel pens she 'needs' for her school

1) Remind your child not to be negative about others e.g. Emma asks Jane what do you think of Daisy? Jane replies - she seems a bit full of herself. next thing you know Emma will have reported it back to Daisy. A non committal answer - 'she seems OK, I don't really know her' is much safer, especially initially.

Teentimes - great advice. This area of social interaction is so important but rarely discussed.

1) Remind your child not to be negative about others e.g. Emma asks Jane what do you think of Daisy? Jane replies - she seems a bit full of herself. next thing you know Emma will have reported it back to Daisy. A non committal answer - 'she seems OK, I don't really know her' is much safer, especially initially.

Yes this is great advice!

We have a saying in our house - "it's nice to be nice"
I've always taught my dd to be as pleasant as possible to everyone as you never know where future friends will come from.
She's managed well to (not yet) be drawn into any friendship dramas or fallouts. In fact, many of her friends from different 'groups' come to her for chats when they've fallen out with others. I sometimes worry that she's just seen as a counsellor but she's happy with her friendships.

In y8 she found a good friend that she thought she really disliked in Y7. Turns out she just didn't know her properly.

I've a couple of tips

1. Remind your child not to be negative about others e.g. Emma asks Jane what do you think of Daisy? Jane replies - she seems a bit full of herself. next thing you know Emma will have reported it back to Daisy. A non committal answer - 'she seems OK, I don't really know her' is much safer, especially initially.

2. Discuss what is acceptable to buy from the school canteen. We have a rule no buying drinks as before you know it, it becomes an everyday habit. Fine if you don't mind, but an easy way to spend £5+ extra per week.

Ds1 starts secondary on Tuesday. We've got a plain black tracksuit to get, and a watch as none of the clocks work at school!

American- we got a completely black bag from M&S.

Just to say, we got a black Adidas one from Sports direct. Fairly plain.

What are the rules @ Americans? My Ds has a mostly black Adidas one from sports direct z if you are in fb might be worth asking local people as most the children at my ds’s have Nike or Adidas.

Linda Stade writes brilliantly about how to help children who suffer with anxiety and also friendship issues.

5 Truths About Friendship that Will Save Your Children a Lot of Grief

What You Need to Know about Girls and Their Frenemies

Kids are Hardwired to be Negative

Jilted thanks for starting this thread.

I started a thread a few days ago asking for advice to help my anxious dd. There are some great tips here

Any tips on where to buy a plain black rucksack? Thanks.

Your DC sound lovely! I love getting new year 7s in.

Lurked and the popped in to echo what some posters have said about friends, some try to stick like glue to primary friends but remember there's some children who are the only one from.their primary and they have nobody. We remind all the children of that on transition day and on the first day and encourage them to say hi and introduce themselves if they see someone on their own. Being on duty, most of them do and it's really nice when they bring their new friends to say hi to their teacher.

Of course that disappears in 6 weeks but it's a beautiful term

And as a teacher, if you have concerns about how they're settling, always call up for a chat if you think it's more than normal nervousness. We want them to be happy too so if we can do something we will.

Helpful tips thank you. My eldest is going to secondary on Weds. He is so excited! He's very sociable and academically able, I think that helps him not feel nervous. It seems like a good school but I have bad memories of secondary. He such a lovely, innocent boy; I feel like he's going to change overnight! Finally got him a phone this week, which we'd been holding off until the last moment, obviously he loves having that too!

Brilliant advice Trampire!

I have the same situation as you icegirl but sadly ds will have no-one he knows except his sister in year 9 who will tolerate him hanging around for a while but will get fed up pretty quickly! He's not anxious but I'm expecting a rocky start. Dd had a really hard year 7 socially and year 8 wasn't brilliant but at the end of last year friendships starting shifting again. I certainly wasn't friends with the same people in year 9 as I was in year 7 and that had changed a bit again by year 11 so try not to worry too much. Dd was bullied a fair bit by her classmates and the school did sort it out but I wish I'd pushed harder to help her or get her moved forms but she didn't want me involved. She still is isolated from her whole form but has friends in other forms. I'll be more involved with ds. It's such a different environment to primary that you don't always know what the right thing to do is!

My youngest is starting in Tues

His sister will be in Y9. Fit some reason I'm way more anxious this time around.
When my dd went, she knew no-one I I wasn't worried thinking it wouldn't be a problem. It wasn't a huge problem, but it was waaay harder finding a small friendship group than I thought it would be. Alls good now though.
Even though I think in some ways my ds is slightly more confident than my dd I still worry.

My tips would be -

Join in as much as possible! Joining a Y7 lunchtime Drama club was a lifeline for my dd.

Help them check and organise their bag for the next day. After a few weeks they'll do it on their own ok. Same with homework.

Ignore all the Facebook posts from other parents (even at different schools) after the first day declaring that their little x is LOVING it and had taken to it like a duck to water.
These used to upset me the most as my dd was taking her time, having her wobbles. I felt really alone thinking I'd got it so wrong. Now 2 years on, those parents tell me that Y7 was very up and down and the first 6 months really hard. I wish I'd known that then.

Tell your dc that it looks as if everyone else is super confident and have a hundred friends already but often many children are feeling the same. This nugget was something my ds's form tutor told me when I wanted to chat about ds's settling in. I think it's very true.

So my biggest tip is .....time. Give everything time. Don't expect brilliance or immediate happiness instantly. It will come.

I'll try and tell myself this next week.

It's me panicking in our house, not dd2 who's starts secondary on Tuesday.
I thought I'd been super organised and got all the uniform etc.
However we have since has major building work down at home, which has overrun, and we are currently having her bedroom decorated too. As such everything is everywhere- we can hardly move at home and I've no idea where all her new stuff is. Plus everything is covered in plaster dust.

OP I thought my daughter was organised but yours beats her easily. DD is looking forward to it, she starts on Tuesday. She's bored at home now.

We've just got to stick name tags on everything. She's already organised her school bag.

We've just put a certain amount of money into DD's dinner money account and will see how it goes to start with. She enjoyed the food when they went for their transition day so hopefully that will continue.

My Ds starts school Wednesday. He is excited however last couple of days lots of emotional meltdowns so worry is coming out

Thank you Ggirl I'll definitely share that we my DD. She's definitely the sort that will try too hard to fit in.

GGirl that's fab advice, will share with DD, thankyou!

Thanks for the thread. My Ds starts Wednesday, I think I'm more nervous than him, although his stuttering has got loads worse which is a definite sign he's worried. He has very high anxiety, luckily his best friend who was from a different primary school is going and he's already making friends with his friends. Very relieved because some of the boys from his primary school were not always nice to him.
Now just have to sort out parent mail which I set up before the end of term which has now been deleted, I think because it was synced with primary school.
Luckily he's quite relaxed about going on the bus by himself for the first time.
Sorry this waffled quite alot!

DS1 starts on Thursday and I'm terrified. He has high functioning Autism and is a social nightmare. The good news is we have 2 brothers who he is friend with going too. They live 3 doors away. He'll have to travel 6 miles on a public bus!
I know his friends will help him...I'm just not sure how they'll cope if he has a meltdown!!!!
Eeekkkkkk!!!!!

From experience both of my DCs made friends initially but by Christmas had a whole different set. Everyone tries really hard at first but then as things settle down true characters becomes visible and friendships change. Please tell them that the people they chat to first don't have to be forever friends and most importantly to be themselves. I think friendships are the hardest part of starting as secondary school - I wish them all the best of luck.