Have we got a starting Secondary School Support thread?

Oh god logic your poor poor ds.

That's horrific

It's all so hard..... That seems to be all I can say. DD2 seems to be doing ok, but I'm holding my breath for when it all builds up.

nologic that's awful - and very probably assault. If the school don't fix it then you could take it further. So sorry for your son.

DD is still doing OK, enjoying most days but has gone down with a bug of some sort!

Well after a excellent start we have been hit down to earth by my son having his pants pulled down by 3 boys on the way home after school. He doesn't know them at all and he was walking on his own minding his own business but they came from behind .

They told him they had a picture and they were sharing it and then started pushing him and asking him to fight.
My son tried to push them away but it ended in a wrestling match on the floor . Luckily he isn't hurt but it's now carried on in school time with one of the boys threatening him, telling him he will get someone to batter him and trying to change the story of what happened.

I'm so angry that they don't even know him but they have started on him and this will knock his confidence massively. He does have additional needs and he will not want to be independent after this.

School have been great so far and informed their parents etc, discussing sanctions etc but I'm hoping the fallout when inevitably they get home and tell their parents they didn't do it and what they will take out on my son next .

Why are some kids so horrible and start things for no reason?

had to help a y7 boy find his way this morning.
he got onto the wrong train and got stranded at random and busy london station. poor lad, he was distraught. I hope he made it to school not much too late.

I hope you can get to the bottom of what is going on with ds, Penguins

I agree with lougle - get the ball rolling ASAP if you feel it warranted, as wait times are ridiculously long.

I was told similar to loigle about my dd2 - that if I really wanted a dx I could chase one (implication, dd2 not that affected, wouldn’t necessarily benefit from a dx). I was able to go private for dd2’s dx, and would otherwise probably be in the same position lougle is now. Dd2 has, up to now, been able to paper over all but the most significant cracks, and keep a mask of normality firmly in place when in public.

She is still falling apart now, even with a dx, even with huge concessions from her old school and now from her new school. They really are trying very hard, and still dd2 is struggling.

Last week was a very difficult week. Signs of PDA are popping up again (she was extremely demand avoidant as a toddler/young child, but we have had it mostly under control for years now) - eg, as a music scholar she is ‘expected’ to join choir, orchestra etc. All well and good, and dd2 loves these things - they give a structure to her day, organised activity where she can join in without too many personal demands, etc. She has been missing going. Until she was told she ‘should’ go. Then it was all too much, too much pressure, too much expectation, not sure if she even wants to do them
Anymore anyway, etc. Hours of weeping and wailing. All because it is more ‘new’.

I managed to hire a new instrument for her, but that too is ‘wrong’ (ie not her old, slightly more familiar (she only had that one 9 months or so, having moved up a size from her starter instrument she’d had for more than 5 years!) one), so she spent most of the weekend ignoring it and refusing to pick it up. I did get her to do a bit of practice yesterday, and despite her protests she was calmer once she was playing, so that will come good in the end thankfully.

She nearly made it into school ok today - went into the classroom seemingly readily enough, but just as I was walking back with her form teacher, and in the middle of me saying ‘she’s not as settled as she may have appeared’, she came hurtling back out of the building in tears, and it took another 20 minutes calming to get her to contemplate going in (and even then it only happened as I had to leave her to get back to dd1 waiting in the car). I have a feeling this one will be rumbling along for a while...

DS went off happily today but without PE kit insisting he didn't need it despite having PE He seems to think the one he lost last week will magically turn up today and think he's worried about losing a second kit. Have told school.

Maths homework was sorted - DH is far, far better at explaining maths than I will ever be, and DS actually had a bit of a breakthrough and asked for more questions at the end of it!! :o

I got a plastic folder for DS to bring homework home in but it's not as nice as @Lougle's - I have stationery envy now!

A tip we were given by seasoned parents at our school, was to get a folder for homework. I got DD this expanding folder that she carries in her bag. She can put any books or homework in it, and keep the subjects separated. It seems to help her stay organised.

We had homework hell at the weekend. DD2 had 2 very simple pieces of homework but was quite furious that she had them, because she had been told that she wouldn't be given homework during the first 2 weeks.

That's such a long wait Lougle. Hope your DS can sort out French homework Frayed, my DD often gets them from others but DS doubt would be capable of that. Hope maths has been sorted now Spider and using meltdown is fine, mine just tends to hide, a bit like a cat would in the smallest space possible.

Just had a quiet weekend and took children to zoo today. DS wanted to feed the giant tortoise so booked for him and DH to do that as for some reason requires an adult. They had fun and we saw a quoll talk and the lemur was going crazy chasing its tail.

Hope the maths homework got finished o.k. spiderlight

DS2 has lost his French homework. Argh. He knew his planner would only hold one bit properly, but still kept 2 bits in there and has lost the French one. It's not due until Weds but it has various photos and stuff on it, so he needs the bit of paper. I've told him he will have to try and sort it out tomorrow, otherwise he'll just have to accept whatever the punishment is.

(Apologies for using the word 'meltdown' because I realise it's probably nothing like what those of you with kids with ASD experience)

How incredible are this girl's drawings?! She's autistic and has drawn how starting secondary feels to her.

First maths homework 90% complete. Meltdown over the last two questions so we're waiting for DH to get home to have a look with him because I have no clue about the method he's been taught

DS1 was dx with ASD in 2008, there was a 12 week wait once he'd been accepted on to the assessment pathway which was through the community paediatrician. I remember being picky about the appointment times as the first one they suggested meant he might be a bit sleepy as it was the afternoon . DS3 was dx in 2017 and there was a 9 month wait from the same point. Seems my area isn't too bad compared to others, though the SEN provision is pretty dire. The Community paediatrican takes up to 12 weeks, but I've never had to wait that long.

Oh it might help to add that she's a young in year child, so she's only just 11. So they are saying it could be 2 whole years yet before they assess and diagnose her.

Oh penguins do go and get the ball rolling. DD2 saw a paediatrician in November 2012 when she was 5, I was told she didn't tick enough boxes for an ASD referral, unless I really wanted one, and that she was just very passive. In December 2016, I referred to CAMHS on advice of her primary school. She finally got her first appointment in July 2017 and I was told she scored highly for ASD on their screening tool, but she needed formal assessment, so she'd go on the list for a key worker. And...... She's still waiting. In August 2018 I was told that they have no idea how long she might be waiting, and that, realistically, she might be 13 before she gets her diagnosis.

I am signed off work at the moment so could have him part time, don't know if school would agree. He won't really communicate about what would help but think he's just overwhelmed by it. I checked with DD and the boys said the boy who cries a lot has his name so think its him. Was hoping they had got mixed up. He normally never cries.

Oh penguin that doesn't sound good. It might be worth starting the process at least, then you can tell the school you've done as they asked so how about them giving a bit of help now! Is there any chance of him perhaps going part-time for a bit to build up to full time?

Good to hear one of the PE kits has turned up!

Thanks Cheminotte. No ECHP unfortunately. In primary he had no support until y3 then with someone 50 percent of time y 3 and full time TA y 4 funded by school. Y5 and Y6 no TA and managed with adaptions.

Hi Penguin. Do you have an EHCP for him? I’m guessing not. You can get one without a diagnosis as it’s about need and either you or the school can request the assessment from the LA. Probably a good idea to start the process on autism diagnosis too, it took us about 2 years.

Just got an e-mail back from Head of House saying they sent him home as he threw his book three times in French and there was a Fire Drill and he was upset in English. Not sure what a Fire Drill has to do with anything (assuming he didn't start a fire!). It just said we should take him to doctors for an autism assessment but that will take ages, we started it before but told us it would take 2 years and he improved.

Well done on getting PE kit back. No sign of ours yet.

It was an unofficial exclusion, they aren't allowed to do that. We had 4 Heads at his primary and one of them did this, thankfully she was only there for a year but its just they cba to sort out the issues so pass it on. Trouble is if you complain it can go either way so going in gently at the moment. We are rural here too so no other close schools, this one has an outstanding ofsted so in theory should be good. Looks like its great for DD but not sure DS will manage there. We haven't sold old house so could go back but his trial day at that school he had been seperated from everyone he knew and had a boy swear and shout at him all day long so that was worse. At least this one has nice other kids.

That sounds awful Penguin . Sending him home sounds like an unofficial exclusion to me.

Good news here - The PE kit has been found!

Thanks everyone. DH said when he spoke to school they said all staff are being told he's SEN today so at least that's a start but we had meeting with SENCO on Tuesday pre school and I told school he was SEN in July when we got places, admittedly it was only a few days before they broke up so they should have been told before today.

He is saying he didn't get detention or sent out yesterday so it could be the y7s got that wrong but I can believe it and no-one has yet given a sensible explanation for today. DD is very happy there and lots of friends so the things with her don't matter too much but don't really understand how you can just lose 2 children and be when they turn up but they were quickly added to registers and classes so clearly forgotten. Hopefully will get sorted soon and at least its the weekend. I hope they are wrong about him crying, he doesn't normally cry at all though is quite soft always cuddling so it's possible.

Bloody hell penguins is be inclined to keep him home until you can have sit down meeting with the staff and talk this all over. This is not acceptable