Have we got a starting Secondary School Support thread?

If you emailed school senco about possibly having quick chat/meeting with them about a few things how long would you wait before either leaving a phone message at reception or emailing them again if they haven't been in touch?

It's been 9 days and I'm wondering would you phone tomorrow or am I being unrealistic in expecting some contact within a week?
Just had 5 years of the worst senco at primary who never ever got back to you and can't face 5 more years of chasing people

"Penguin* dd's primary school were happy to support her as if diagnosed before she had her diagnosis and do IEPs. So no diagnosis, no support is a cop out. However getting the support at secondary seems very dependent on school. Getting an EHCP is a battle. We can't even get them to assess. Although I'm fighting that as we speak.

Thanks, we have spoken to the senco a few times - very nice but not much use. School have just replied to say they have no budget for any help.

The school may not be able to access specific support, such as Autism Outreach, without a diagnosis, but I'd be very surprised if there were no other services available. E.g. the Ed Psych service and there's usually a general behaviour support. Dig around your LA website/local offer. The schol may be charged for some services though and likely to be a waiting list.

I'd try ringing IPSEA or SOS!SEN - they are impartial. www.ipsea.org.uk/ sossen.org.uk/ I've always found it easier to get through to SOS!SEN. They'll be able to give you advice on the EHCP process - both websites have information. I wouldn't worry too much about what the LA EHCP form says. DS is currently really struggling to attend school at all and it sounds like his needs are complex and beyond what the school are able to manage themselves.

Penguin, have you spoken to the SENCO there?

Thanks very much Frayed Got a message from the school saying no to flexi schooling as premature which is fine - would prefer that as a last resort.

They are also saying they cannot access any support without a diagnosis and we need to get a diagnosis before they can help him more. I am trying to get hold of someone in the LEA and struggling but that can't be right - in old area could access everything without a diagnosis. We can go for a diagnosis but told them it can be very slow and you should be able to access support without. Have called Parent Partnership to see if they can advice. LEA would only tell me how to apply for EHCP but says on EHCP form school have to have exhausted all their own support first. School do seem to want to help but don't seem to have a clue. Trouble is in y5 and y6 he had no support so they need to put support in place before trying for EHCP.

You don't need a diagnosis for an EHCP as it's needs based. It can help, and I'd always recommend getting a referral for a diagnosis, as it offers some protection with the Equality Act etc. EHCP's take a while, the school may have access to other funding but it sounds like they could do with some outside guidance.

It's unsurprising that a child that's had trouble attending would react how your DS has at being banned from a lesson. I can understand why the school has said no to him participating, but I can't help but feel it could have been handled a bit more delicately. Not that helps now!

The problem with flexi-schooling is that the school has to take a hit on the attendance as it's no longer permitted to be put down as educated on another site, as was previously with part school/part Home Ed. Which makes them unlikely to agree.

I'd ask the school if they're able to access any input from Ed Psych or Behavioural support etc from the LA.

Thanks Frayed He was supposed to go to the support room and do the theory of making a fruit salad with the Head of House - she's fairly senior and then she was going to take him early to canteen to see if could persuade him to eat something other than plain pasta there. He's only eaten on 5 days there so far, 1 roast dinner and 4 plain pastas though he eats as soon as he gets home and before but ate school dinners fine at primary. He said no to packed lunch - when upset he won't eat, that happened at primary.

I don't know what solutions are available if he won't go. I've just offered to home ed part-time but doubt that's acceptable and would need to learn quickly, whether he would learn here don't know either. He only refused about 2 days for whole of primary so no big issue there. This is the third day since September here plus they sent him home on two. I suspect he's thinking by banning him from the lesson they don't want him but don't think that's true, its more they don't know how to help. Trouble is he has no EHCP and no diagnosis. Last school did full time TA at one point but through own budget and budgets are very tight atm. Yr 5 and 6 he managed with nothing though.

Oh dear penguins. What were they planning on him doing if he couldn't participate?

Got a phone call last night from school saying he was banned from making fruit salad today as they use knives and could I explain to him. I explained but today we have school refusal, argh. He screamed and got very distressed and they've said we aren't allowed to touch him but we also have to get him in.

Thanks. Your answers have helped me figure that probably local park with known friends for a bit can be occasionally ok. Randomly walking around the streets aimlessly in a big group of unknown kids who seem to do little else- not Ok!! Seems pretty obvious now I think about It!!

Straight home here too, either I pick her up or she get the special school bus (not a public service one) home. No chance to get off and on again!

Homework angst currently in motion. DS2 wrote some homework in an exercise book but was supposed to write it on a piece of paper. So he needs to get on and copy out what he wrote as it has to be in tomorrow. Instead there is dramatic sighing and flouncing about.

Mine usually comes straight home, although he and his friends occasionally pop to the shop or call into their old primary school (which they pass on their way home) to say hi to their old teachers. His friend knocks for him more evenings than not and they go out to play in the park or in the cul-de-sac just behind his friend's house - he's currently out there with a Nerf gun dealing with a zombie apocalypse. I don't mind him making the most of what light we have left in the evenings.

dc comes straight home, though sometimes meets up with a friend in the neighbourhood.

my youngest often goes to the park after school but its 3mins walk and where we live is very central 10mins top walk to school

sometimes he drops his stuff of before the park.we are very lucky we live right in the centre of everything,i know some mums are finding it tough as they live further and there son wants picking up from the park later etc but she has a primary pick up

im fairly relaxed about it but i do have two 19yrs olds so been through it with them

DD has to come straight home from school (3 miles) for the moment. We are in an average suburb and I don't want her hanging around in town. In a couple of years maybe. She is allowed to play with her friends from the neighborhood on the street we live on and walk down to the local shop.

My DS is also super scatty with homework - he's suspected ASD and loses everything, seems completely hit and miss on noting homework and their homework online system doesn't work for us. I have raised it via form tutor and head of house and they are being fairly relaxed with him.

He's also having issues in lessons so I've asked them to deal with one issue at a time and we've had a couple of school refusal days. Had a meeting this morning - they got me to interview him last night as he won't communicate with anyone at school. He answered everything but we had some very silly answers and an awful lot of giggling but at school he had just been sitting between 2 chairs with his hands over his ears most of the day so just glad he was happy and talking.

Re freedom we had this issue and I initially gave her freedom as our area is super safe rural but school reckoned not to so we've taken it back. It led to some terrible out of character behaviour from DD though now we are having the I've got no life battles. I'm only agreeing to 3 x per week at activities adults are running or at so army cadets, gymnastics and school gym. We are completely new to this area so know no-one from the school which makes it hard, school said to meet all parents first but that's not easy so have gone with adult led things. Some kids do seem to have no rules though here but I know at my comp kids like that would sometimes end up pregnant etc very young but doesn't make you popular with your child.

I have a new phone that isn't trying to stop me looking at MN. I really will try and catch up now.
Sorry about your friend Witch

Ah I have found the thread I need!
May I ask how much freedom your yr7s get?
We live in central London, busy and safe area. Dd gets bus home from school and many of her friends get off half way. She wants to get off with them go to tuck shop then get back on her bus.
Sometimes in a Friday they go to McDonald's I was horrified when I picked her up once and they were wandering the streets around McDonald's, bits on bikes doing wheelies.
Now I see it is always the same kids who have this routine. I have no idea what is normal and what isn't but I feel I need to insist she stays on her bus and just comes straight home... cant work out the right balance (except definitely no to wandering around associating with anti social behaviour!)
Really hard not knowing who the new friends are or any of their parents....

Yes cheminotte he does have an ASD diagnosis already and we took him for an assessment at a sensory clinic who said they are 99% sure he is dyspraxic (although wanted more money to diagnose him officially) but after the ASD diagnosis noone's really bothered to find out about dyspraxia. Even the OT's he has seen shrug it off when I mention it. Either way I did talk to the SENCO about these issues before he started and his teachers are all aware of his ASD but I don't think he'll get any leeway for it and I'm not sure how much he should be allowed really. He does need to learn but how capable he is of learning is another matter. We've assumed many things of him in the past and been proven wrong so I don't want to hold him back assuming that he can't do it but I don't want him ending up being punished all the time if he really isn't able.

Well played with the detention Titsy.
Could you speak to the form tutor about the organisational issues so they are aware before he starts getting put off by getting detentions. They might be able to suggest something

Too much YouTube in my dds case

Those sort of problems are linked to dyslexia, dyspraxia and ASD TitsyWoo

So the school did listen to DH and switched the detention from DS to DD! DD went along gladly as she felt so bad and has pulled her socks up now with regard to getting ready for school. Thank god as I thought DS was going to start refusing to go in due to his upset over the unfairness of the whole situation.

Homework is up and down here. I've really got involved this year in organising them and it is paying off. They do 30-45 mins a night and everything is getting done in time and to a decent standard. However DS is struggling with organisation so sometimes the homework isn't getting back home - he might write in his planner that a subject homework is due in on a certain date but not write down what it actually was then he'll forget what the teacher said or he'll not write it down and forget all about it until reminded the day before. So for example yesterday his French teacher gave him (and half the class) until this morning to hand in the homework due in yesterday. He hadn't written in down in the first place. I asked him what it was and he said "oh I don't know". Argh! He vaguely remembered seeing someone else hand in a poster with some writing on it. At this point it was too late to call the teacher and I'm worried about him getting detentions right now as he is kind of enjoying school finally and I don't want to push him over the edge. So I said let's just do something based on what you are learning now and hopefully it will be right! Will see how he got on with that later. Tonight we have to make a model of a cell as he forgot to write that down too! It has to be in tomorrow . I think I need to talk to someone about these memory/organisation issues but not sure who! I don't want to cover for him constantly and he does need to learn but it is a real problem for him. It's honestly not laziness.