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Original poster

Would appreciate secondary teachers' advice re difficult DS

30 replies

lilolilmanchester · 04/06/2007 19:44

Sorry, I know you've all had enough after a day at school, but would appreciate teachers' thoughts here. My Yr9 DS is bright BUT won't work, distracts other children in class, seems to have almost daily - and definitely weekly - notes in his homework diary. Regularly in detention and on report.Says he finds everything boring. It's a really uphill battle to get him to do homework, or to do it well, and we regularly get phone calls from school. He is very bright, but he's at a selective grammar school, which has loads of bright kids so it's not like he isn't being stretched. Story has been similar all the way through primary too. He's quite immature behaviourally and we live in hope that things will get better when he matures a bit - but that just doesn't seem to be happening. It's causing major problems between him and my DH - and between me and my DH. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
roisin · 04/06/2007 20:11

I'm sure there's a lot of truth in your last post too. You are lucky he's at the school he is at, where they are very interested in the results of every single child; and are not prepared for him to fail to achieve his potential.

roisin · 04/06/2007 20:10

Is he happy with the options he has chosen for next year? A lot of children do settle down a lot in yr10 - it's partly having ditched the subjects they really hate, and partly just growing up a bit.

He's probably sick to death of the same old stories/reasons from you and from his teachers; so I would enlist the help of all and sundry - especially males - whenever you can. Do you have relatives or friends that he looks up to and admires? Interrogate your friends, and see if you can find people to tell him the following stories. (If they can act, get them to make it up!):

"I didn't work as hard as I could have done at school, and I didn't get in to the courses I could have done at Uni, and because of my idleness I ended up working ten times harder later on to get where I wanted to be. ..."

and

"I didn't really enjoy school, and found a lot of the schoolwork pointless, but I realised it just had to be endured and got on with; so I knuckled down and got the grades I deserved. My family were really proud of me, and it meant the next stage was plain sailing ..."

and

"I used to muck around at school, and play the fool, and distract the other children. Then one day we got a new teacher who I really got on with, and he sat down with me and had a chat, and I suddenly saw things from his perspective, and realised what a pain I was being, and how my behaviour wasn't fair on the other students in the class who wanted to learn ..."

Do bear in mind too that if you're going to choose a time to rebel a bit then yr8/9 is not a bad time. Stress to him that next yr his GCSE courses are starting, and it is getting serious, and he must knuckle down and get the work done.

Finally! Try and relax a bit - especially if it's causing probs with your dh. Ultimately it would be great for him to learn a lesson that he has the responsibility for his learning, not you, his teachers, or anyone else. And plenty of bright boys do muck around at school, manage to scrape through with 'just enough', and go own to succeed and achieve great things in the future.

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 04/06/2007 20:08

Also, sometimes I think that if he was at a comprehensive or secondary school, his attitude/behaviour would probably be seen by teachers as more normal (not trying to be contentious here - I was at a comp so know what I mean even if I haven't articulated it properly). Perhaps the fact that he's at a high achieving school and not achieving his potential/applying himself like the majority of the pupils there is the issue? Or am I just trying to convince myself that he's not too bad?

OP posts:
Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 04/06/2007 19:57

Thanks Octo. A lot of people say "that's boys for you" but he is 10x worse than his pals. I regularly look through his books and am horrified at some of them. Occasionally he gets switched on by something and does really well. I'd hoped that at secondary that he'd find some subjects he'd love and therefore do really well in. And fully expected there'd be some subjects he'd hate and not work for. But even things like Maths and Science, which he's good at (top set, selective grammar), he doesn't seem to be making much effort in and his teachers are tearing their hair out. Tried the reward system, but doesn't seem to work. Had him on fish oil supplements. Not seemed to make much difference. Part of me says just stop worrying about it, keep encouraging etc but then we get ANOTHER phone call from school and it's hard not to worry.

OP posts:
octo · 04/06/2007 19:50

He seems to be quite normal! I have been a secondary teacher and special needs TA and lots of boys go through this. I know it seems babyish but how about a reward system for him at home. Would also have a look through his books and see what kind of effort you think he is making in his work - ask him about it - ask what he thinks could be better - do the same with homework and reward him - works wonders

If its concentration - some people recommend fish oils - personally know nothing about them but someone will!