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Original poster

Would appreciate secondary teachers' advice re difficult DS

30 replies

lilolilmanchester · 04/06/2007 19:44

Sorry, I know you've all had enough after a day at school, but would appreciate teachers' thoughts here. My Yr9 DS is bright BUT won't work, distracts other children in class, seems to have almost daily - and definitely weekly - notes in his homework diary. Regularly in detention and on report.Says he finds everything boring. It's a really uphill battle to get him to do homework, or to do it well, and we regularly get phone calls from school. He is very bright, but he's at a selective grammar school, which has loads of bright kids so it's not like he isn't being stretched. Story has been similar all the way through primary too. He's quite immature behaviourally and we live in hope that things will get better when he matures a bit - but that just doesn't seem to be happening. It's causing major problems between him and my DH - and between me and my DH. Any thoughts?

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Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 05/06/2007 19:44

I think perhaps you're right. Quite hard to argue with a 14 year old who thinks RIchardIII is boring! Will look out the other thread - many thanks to all of you for taking the time to try to help me with this.

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luciemule · 05/06/2007 13:12

well - that's good then if he does loads of sports etc - it could just be a self confidence thing and day dreaming. Perhaps he's starting to question 'life' more and wonder about the importance of things etc.

For my whole time through comprehensive school, I constantly questioned the teachers as to why anyone would need the sort of meths they were teaching us and felt I was wasting my time. Although I was capable, I didn't bother with maths as much as I should have as I just felt they weren't capturing my imagination and making want to learn it.

There was a thread a week or so back from someone who's son was very similar.

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 04/06/2007 23:07

Luciemule, he does loads of sport - rugby; cricket; squash. Seems to have lots of mates. Has been picked on over the years for being small, but not sure if that is anything to do with it.

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luciemule · 04/06/2007 20:54

Perhaps you could, as a family, focus everything more on out of school stuff so he gets very into just doing what boys love to do - kicking a ball the beach, climbing trees etc so the pressure of school is reduced a bit.

I don't mean that you're pressuring him - just that perhaps he needs his attention to focus a lot on something other than school to make him concentrate more when he's at school IYSWIM?

Someone on another thread suggested that early puberty at 9 can really change boys and their attitudes to school.

These are only my parenting thoughts - I'm not a teacher! I thought the terrible 2's are tricky now - looks like I've got so many other surprises awaiting me!

octo · 04/06/2007 20:49

Yes very true MB!

Blandmum · 04/06/2007 20:42

and 'The great smell of Lynx' Barff!!!

I quite like teaching the naughty boys too.

Sometimes they just muck about because they want to muck about!

Hassled · 04/06/2007 20:41

My oldest, nearly 20 year old, DS sounds exactly like your DS when he was that age - and I'm afraid for a long while after that. He is bright enough that he always did OK, although never up to his potential, he messed about, got into endless trouble at school (the highlight being the purchase of 4 cans of Stella on a train at 7.30 a.m. while on a school trip, and then lying about it - it's sort of funny now). Like you I was tearing my hair out. I have no solutions, because I never "solved" it, but I can tell you that now he's at University (after A Level retakes), he's suddenly mature, enthusiastic about his subject, is getting Firsts in essays, seems conscientious and ambitious - all the things he just couldn't be at school. What I'm trying (clumsily) to say is that these things pass, it has no bearing on how he will be in a few years time and as long as he knows he is loved and supported then really you've done everything you can.

octo · 04/06/2007 20:39

Is he being bullied? Has he fallen out with friends? does he fancy someone?

Oh the mind of a teenage boy!

I have three boys and dreading the teenage thing! All spots and trainers!

Blandmum · 04/06/2007 20:37

I think that can be useful diagnosically, IYSWIM. So, do they drop off the plot after lunch, are they eating lunch?

Is there a flash point with a particular teacher, is there a particular classroom dynamic that is not helpful, that sort of thing.

It can also be helpful if the parents are unaware of the level of the problem, good to get things down on paper (not the case here I realise) and it stops the 'Mrs MB just picks on me' line

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 04/06/2007 20:33

thanks again all, need to drop off now to do something else. Will be back again later.

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beckybrastraps · 04/06/2007 20:31

Not a huge fan of reports TBH. They have very little in the way of long term consequences IME.

Blandmum · 04/06/2007 20:31

Beacause I'm only teaching 6th form atm, I have a week with no teaching, because they are off on study leave!!!!!!!!!

octo · 04/06/2007 20:31

lil - teachers tend to make more of a fuss about kids they like not achieving because they really want them to do well - sweeping generalisation I know!

Blandmum · 04/06/2007 20:30

Agree 100% octo, see it all the time. Drives you mad, not sure what the solution is.

beckybrastraps · 04/06/2007 20:30

I like sparky boys. I don't really mind that much if they're lazy. Less marking

DH was dreadful at school BTW. Sailed through with no work at all. He's done all right

octo · 04/06/2007 20:29

Its very common for kids to do well on report then revert to bad habits straight away - its infuriating. Amber sounds good to me and chase them for that meeting!

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 04/06/2007 20:28

thank you so much for all of your responses, really appreciated, and hope none of you teach him (although actually, he has a very lovely side, I just hope some of his teachers see that side too!)

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Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 04/06/2007 20:26

Octo, I feel for his teachers, I really do. School has a 3 stage report card system - green, moving to amber and red if they don't respond. He's frequently on a green card, but seems to respond well to that and hasn't yet been put on to amber. Then they take him off report and his behaviour regresses. Speak to his form tutor fairly regularly, who says we just have to keep chipping away. Asked for meeting with tutor and head of year but it hasn't happened yet. We keep reminding them....
Scary thought - would be very easy to identify DS if any of his school's teachers are on MN. Mmmmm!

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Blandmum · 04/06/2007 20:26

also agree with becky.

I taught a boy last year who never did any work for me in two years. Got an A*. Hard to bollock a kid like that. I'm sure that your ds will be fine.

As a teacher he would probably have me tearing my hair out

roisin · 04/06/2007 20:25

Maths and Science SATs are out before the end of term.

English SATs are on the same day as GCSEs (mid-August)

Blandmum · 04/06/2007 20:24

Get him put on report. That way you can see if there are any particular patterns to his poor behaviour. It will also give you the basis for a discussion about his behavior.

Get someone with a hard, poorly paid job to take him to work for the day, so that he can see what happens if you don't get the qualifications that you need

beckybrastraps · 04/06/2007 20:22

It is early July. I'm marking them now

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 04/06/2007 20:20

Thanks Roisin, a lot of sense in what you say. Yes, he's happy with his options (not that they have a lot of choices, but going with triple science). He really wants to do engineering and we've got a good friend who's an engineer has agreed to give him a pep talk next time we're out walking/camping together and maybe even take him out to a couple of project sites over the summer, in the hope that he will become so enthused by the end results that he buckles down to do the work necessary to get him there in the end. I like your suggestions re what other people could say to him too, will work on that. Yes, we're extremely lucky with the school - and I've been really impressed with the teachers we've spoken to. Part of me hopes that he'll get really bad SATS results to shake him up a bit. Agree, better to be like this now than in GCSE years- but we've had it for ever and really getting very wearing. (Anyone know when we get teh Yr 9 SATs results? DS reckons it's late summer, after GCSE results are out?)

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beckybrastraps · 04/06/2007 20:15

To be perfectly honest, there isn't really much incentive for him to knuckle down ATM. He is presumably doing OK, as he's in the top sets, and in year 9 it doesn't really matter.

I tend not to tear my hair out with bright but lazy boys (in Science that is) because they almost always come up with the goods in the end.

octo · 04/06/2007 20:15

He is obviously bright and this will drive hie teachers potty - it is very frustrating as a teavher to have bright kids that don't work or put the effort in - but believe it or not they have a tendency to come out well in tests and put the effort in when required. Kind of the path of least effort. I would ask the school for a meeting between you, his tutor and head of year to discuss a way forward before he gets into too much trouble. He is behaving badly because he is bored, not putting the time into his work and therefore has time to mess about. The school need to implement some kind of report card that gives him say 3 targets for the week and if he achieves them he comes off the report. He will also see you mean business and that you and the school are united.

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