School Trips

Why are trips being run that arent open to everyone?

ACtually DD is being taken on a two week trip all paid for by friends parents ..... the other two aren't invited ..... WIBU to demand they are all best buddies and couldn't possibly be split up for 14 days? That it isn't fair that she gets to go and they should include the other 2 (free of ofcoarse) ?

I also wish to know what a Thanos-style selection system is.

But you'll sound like a three year old if you say to school "it's not fair"...

I would send the older one this year and the younger one next year. I don't believe it should be first come first served, that automatically excludes someone who may have been off ill and not got the letter the same time as everyone else, or the child whose parent can't pay a deposit immediately. Random selection is much fairer. Actually, booking enough places for everyone is the fairest way of doing it, but in the real world that doesn't happen.
I'm sure your youngest will get over it and you could always spoil him a little when the other is away!

You're overreacting, for all the reasons given above. Stupid of the school not to make its oversubscription criteria clear from the outset though. At my school we have this constantly about clubs, and we always make sure we are crystal clear about the process (apply by X date, then a draw if oversubscribed). Unfair to do first come first served, it favours SAHP or those in jobs where they're able to hover over their phone all day. Re the sibling thing, we patiently explain that we treat all children as individuals. Otherwise how is it fair that the family with four children in the school takes up four places in the club with a maximum of 20 places? We still get loads of complaints though . My favourite has been 'It's unfair that you made the booking start time 7pm, because that's my child's bath time'.

I organise school trips and would think you were slightly un-hinged if you waded in complaining about this. And it would achieve nothing. I agree that it is annoying that they changed the means of selection during the process (we never do first-come, first-served). But we find levels of uptake do vary from year to year so maybe they were surprised. We frequently have to disappoint friends (or twins) who cannot go together; it's unfortunate but part of life.

As far as I am concerned one of my Son's is being disadvantaged of the opportunity which is not fair or equal

I have twins - one went to Belgium one went to Wales

Both had a grate time - neither exploded!

Seriously get a grip ...... one missed out, if it wasn't himnit would've been one of his friends or some stranger

Maybe you could suggest a policy where you could judge who's worthy and who isn't?

It's a school trip ...... ask the parent who has to decide which one of her sons gets a kidney ..... and then come back and tell us about over reacting ..... nobody's died

Look, it's gutting for the sibling who didn't get picked, but life is full of these little disappointments and minor injustices. In the grand scheme of things, missing out on a school trip is no big deal - it really isn't!

The best thing we can do as parents is teach our kids to deal with these situations positively and constructively. Treat this disappointment as an opportunity to develop your son's resilience. Why not let him choose something else special that he can do instead of the trip?

Like you, I paid the deposit for our school ski trip within minutes of the payment system opening, as we had been told that it was first come first served. We were subsequently told that the trip was oversubscribed and that names would be chosen at random. Fair enough, I thought, not everyone has the option of paying straightaway. Even I might have struggled to pay as quickly on a different day. As things turned out, dd got a place anyway, but if she hadn't, I hope we would both have accepted it as being just one of those things.

Life isn't always fair, and you can't protect your children from every unfairness. Sometimes, you just have to help them find a positive response to a shitty situation.

That parent

I honestly don't care if I am that parent. It's always used as such a terrible threat on MN "don't be that parent 😱"... sometimes you need to be and it's important not to shut down your own instincts with regards to your child, for fear of being slagged off a bit in the staff room.

I have not seen Infinity Wars, can anyone explain what a Thanos style random selection is?

But no....apparently....a few days ago parents are advised that because of an influx of applications that children will be selected at random to go on the trip, in some "Thanos" (for anyone who has seen Avengers : Infinity War) style random selection system

This made me .

I don't know really. It seems the only fair way to do it but I would be gutted for whichever child didn't get a place.

Random allocation is a fair way to do trips, first come first served is not fair. Your children are not twins and they are in different year groups, you really need to let them develop different lives, your not doing them any favours.

They are more than old enough to comprehend and cope with the reason why one of them didn't get on the trip this year. There will be more chances for school trips.

Definitely over reacting. That parent.

Unless your school ski trip is wonderful, I would withdraw the DS that is going and go as a family. School ski trips are usually poor. Sub standard accommodation, miles from the ski lifts and hours on end in coaches. They’re not going to Verbier are they!? It will be some faceless concrete jungle!

Schools change ski trip destinations. Our school did USa one year, so that’s more expensive. They might be looking at Canada. You can give them a better holiday by doing it yourself. Then you know they won’t be separated!

I can just imagine the post from another mum... AIBU to be upset because my (only child) DC didn't get a place to make sure every pair of siblings both got to go...

Totally what NobleGiraffe said in the first reply.

You are completely over reacting.

From the outside, looking in, it would seem - with hindsight - they'd have been better offering it just to one year group in the first place, and there would be fewer disappointed, but there may be reasons I don't know about why they didn't do that. However, if you really have brought up and 11 and 12 yr old who aren't able to be separated from each other then your answer is to withdraw the one who was lucky enough to get a place, from the trip. Does seem a shame for him, but that's up to you if you want to spoil this chance for him.

Yeah standard way of dealing with over subscription.

Poor that they didn't say beforehand, but tbf it's not always easy to tell if a trip will be popular.

I would ask if the second child can go on a waiting list - every trip I have ever run has had people drop out (clash with family wedding, left the school, fell out with mates etc).

Ours isn’t random. It’s first come first served.

I’d not send either. Stupid of the school to split a pair of siblings like this.

Maranello No one is suggesting that it isn't disappointing and incredibly frustrating particularly when you were under the impression that it was 'first come first served' but you're not doing anyone any favours by suggesting that this decision is likely to have a long-term impact on your son.

At 12/13 they should be old enough to have a sensible discussion about what's happened and how to deal with it collectively to ensure that both boys have been given a fair opportunity to go on trips at the end of Y11.

MN is full of threads where children aren't selected for end of year awards, sports day events, milk monitor or head shepherd in the nativity. Yes, it's rubbish if you're the one who has missed out but as parents we have to help our children to deal positively with these setbacks and not treat them like the end of the world.

By all means speak to the school and ask whether DS could go on the waiting list for the trip or be given priority for next year but I can't imagine that school are going to withdraw another child's place so that both of your DS can go.

Fairly standard.

School trip goes live.
Parents pay a deposit (which is only refundable if the child doesn't get a place)
If oversubscribed then it's random.

Sadly, I'm yet to have been involved with or known of a school trip where at least one parent of a child who missed out hasn't done the same old argue why it's not fair because my child didn't get a place thing.

A ballot to allocate places is by far the fairest system. You have massively overreacted: it sounds like you all need to learn to cope with disappointment.

It's disappointing but you are overreacting. If it's so awful then don't let either go. The school can only take so many kids. They can't know in advance exactly how many will be interested.