Gcse 2018 (10) The one with half term

The one that I'm finding difficult is the s sixth form college. DS does not believe that there are people out there similar to him. He thinks he'll be taking a huge risk, socially speaking, that he'll be in an even worse position than he is now. What he's got now is the best he's had in the last 6 years (being allowed to stand out sit with a group of boys even if he says that he thinks they tolerate rather than actively like him).
I think he'll take up the 6th form place, but he's quite scared of the challenge of having to start over.

I agree it would be good for him. The issue is in persuading DS to step outside his comfort zone. He's become very conservative/ risk averse when it comes to social situations.
I tried very hard to persuade him to do NCS this summer, but there was no way he agree.
When you get bullied like that, it takes away your right to be treated respectfully. So now I'm careful about what I insist on. I'm trying to give him the sense that he is in control of what happens to him. I even get him to approve every bit of the study timetable and change it if he wants even though I think he's making a mistake.

wonderwine so sorry to hear that your DS is also suffering.

mmzz and wonderwine given your DS's experiences and what it does to self esteem, have you thought about maybe sending them on an outward bounds holiday or similar as there's nothing like being forced out of your comfort zone in a postive way to boost confidence........just an idea?

@mmzz and @Wonderwine - feel for both of your DS. If it's any consolation I think my DH had very similar experiences at school but started to blossom socially in 6th Form and became much more confident at Uni ( where he met me).

It's horrible seeing your children suffer at the hands of bullies - the worst thing is the inability to make it right for them.

It sounds like we are in a similar place, wonderwine. Surely, things will turn around in 6th form. If give anything to be posting that DS is out with his mates again, and asking for advice about how to get him to take his revision seriously.

Btw, I've had the don't need to revise because no one else is argument. One boy in particular had indicated that he has only done a few hours here and there. I bumped into the boy's Mum and she mentioned that he's been revising for 2 hours per night on average since October. When I told DS that, he realised that people don't always tell the truth!

mmzz your poor DS. Moving for sixth form would definitely be the best thing to do. It would allow him to start afresh without the (very unfair) baggage.

Wonderwine and Rosie it's the dreaded half-term lull! It's so difficult to keep the momentum up over such a long period and there's a sense that they're missing out on their break. And it doesn't help that the weather is so good. DS has dragged himself through a maths paper and a biology paper today (having had a complete break over the weekend) but I can feel that his momentum/energy has dropped a bit. Doesn't help that it's a bank holiday either-there's a general 'holiday' feel about the place. Hopefully things will feel more normal tomorrow (and it'll cool down a bit!)

mmzz - so sorry to hear about that - it's awful. DS has suffered from bullying (mostly low level stuff) for most of his school life and it's heartbreaking. He also struggles with friendships and being left out of things. We also hope 6th form will be better.

mmzz that is truely awful what your DS has endured, I'm sure the new 6th form will be the fresh start he needs and deserves.

Oh dear, bad day here .
DS had Saturday off from revision, then did a couple of hours yesterday.
He got up late today and was faffing around - did a few Physics questions which DH had printed off for him. Then said he was going to do some English Language. Although I helped him sort it out at Easter, his English Language file was a MESS, with loose bits of paper and half-answered questions everywhere, so I ended up spending about 45 mins sorting that out with him instead of going for a run. He seemed to have NO understanding of the structure of the 2 different papers, so I also went through that (although I know they have covered it at school before).
Then he said he was going to practice planning out creative prose essays for about an hour before lunch.
At lunchtime it turned out he hadn't done anything at all (suspect he'd got distracted and ended up watching YouTube videos )
When I suggested that it was a bit unfair for me to have cancelled my morning plans to have helped him, only to have him do sweet FA I got a full nasty outburst about how nobody else was revising anyway (sounds like he'd seen some pics on instagram from some friends who had been away for the week) and it didn't matter anyway, they were stupid exams which didn't measure anything or matter really etc etc.
He wasn't in a mood to listen to anything I had to say, so I left him to it and went upstairs for a little sob.

Mmzz it's heartbreaking, poor lad and you and DH.
However, I do think sixth form will be a different experience for him and he's going to find people who are a much better fit. I can imagine he's just desperate to get to the end of the exams, though.
I think DS is revising music today. He's booked the computer for gaming at 6pm, though!

I've done some English Language revision with ds2, Victorian extract - so many words that he didn't understand - help, things like Lineament and "retirement" (Victorian sense).

no DLR, they have all gone back to their books now..

there was an article in the Sunday Times Magazine yesterday about anxious parents making their children anxious over exams.

Mrzz- so sorry. Awful. Little shit. I’m really hopeful that Sixth form college will be a chance for a new start for your son.

My son too has been bullied on and off by a couple of boys. Very low level but still hurtful and makes me

On a studying note I am fed up today!!! DS revising Science- looking at the page and half heartedly attempting a couple of questions. I just tested him and it was like he hadn’t done anything! I’m getting so frustrated that he can’t seem to work in a more efficient way. Making flash cards, notes, whatever. He’s been told a gazillion times but doesn’t bloody do it. Result -me a control freak basically teaching him it and testing him and having a shit bank holiday on the back of it. If only I could trust him to get on with it but he keeps going back to this half-hearted ineffective revision.

Oh mmzz I had no idea what an awful time you've all been through
As others have already said, your DS obviously has an extremely supportive and loving home life, so I would hope that will go some way to counter the effects of the bullying.
It is horrific what he's been through, but he's nearly out the other side. I am positive after such a thorough and conscientious revision schedule he'll do even better than expected and have no doubt he'll get into his new 6th form and have the new start he needs and deserves.

mmzz how absolutely awful for your poor DS, and you and your DH. I also hope that those who treated him in this manner learn their lesson and experience 'karma'

He is lucky to have such caring and involved parents. Please don't beat yourself up about not knowing as your DS is lucky to have your support now you do know what went on. It will no doubt take a lot of time and positive support for your DS to overcome this, and also be in the company of more mature peers!

Puts the exams in perspective when kids are dealing with so much else at the same time...

mmzz so sorry but I know that having a loving supportive family will have made such a difference. Children need to belong somewhere, at home or school so at least its clear he has one - and hopefully the work you have both put in will give him a good grounding to find the second.

That's really kind of you to write, HesmyLobster, and everyone else who replied. I have to admit, I worry about it all the time. I feel that DS has lost so many experiences already.
DS's bully came with him from primary to secondary and, for reasons that still baffle me, was put in the same form as DS. The bullying started in year 6. The bully's mother is basically a bully herself. I've seen her and her friend shouting at other parents in the street at primary school drop off and pickup times, when that other parent had complained about one of the mother's children's behaviour. I had the strong impression that the primary teachers and the primary school headteacher were a bit intimidated by her. She certainly wasn't afraid to give her opinions quite forcefully. So, DS's bullying started in year 6 at primary school, was not addressed by teachers just holding out for July when he left, and carried on for a few years at secondary school.
I got wind of it a few times, and tried to ask the school to help. They glossed over it. Then when the bully knew that I had tried to intervene, and failed, he would Mick DS for it and things would get worse. So, DS started to hide it. I knew something wasn't right, and. I knew the bully was involved, but I didn't know anything specific and I was wondering if maybe it was my imagination.

Eventually, after years, I came across evidence online. The bullying had become so normalised that the bully, and a couple if his henchmen, and decided to start making videos about it and posting them online. The videos included physicals assaults and stealing DS's stuff as well as really vile memes etc. The worst though was a sort of coordinated attack that encouraged as many DC as possible to ostracise DS.

DH and I forced DS to tell us everything. I've never seen DH look so pale before or since. We presented the evidence to the school and they stopped all bullying within the hour. DS went back to school, started to hang around with a nicer group of boys but he seems to have been pigeon-holed as an outsider. Hence, the forgetting to say where they were going on Friday.

I really hope DS gets the grades to go to this new sixth form and gets a fresh start. It will take a lot for him to regain his self-confidence. Maybe, since these have been the formative years, he will never be completely ok. I hope he will, but I don't know.

It hurts knowing how much he has missed out on. It used to be "hanging out", now it's parties and music festivals.
We've tried to give DS techniques for making friends. Things that he can say. Rules for always being interested in everyone else. But DS seems to need people to come more than halfway before he will reciprocate.
I've cried so often over this. I am horrified that my child suffered right under my nose and for years, not says or weeks. I just want it to be put right, and, tbh being clever is really a very poor second.

dore ??!!

Ha Ha DS yet to poke his nose out of the dore since Friday night - hoe he enjoys it.

Just a thought on Humanities for dyslexics - presumable there is a lot of reading too but I know some are ok with that (and text to speak technology is great).

The availability of technology and aids to help those with SpLDs at University has ben a revelation for us with DD1 and others we know and I think it is available in some sixth forms too. Todays tech savy teenagers (particularly boys) are much more comfortable with speech to text devices for eg than readers and scribes.

Stop press!!!

DS2 has switched off his laptop and is about to leave the house!

Local funfair and floating market.

Sticker I'm totally jealous that you're going to see the Rolling Stones, I would have loved to go!
DD2 has been keeping up revision a couple of hours at a time, mostly in the garden which is far nicer than indoors I think.
Her boyfriend is here today and they are preparing for English Language, which he really struggles with so she is acting as teacher which I suppose is good for consolidation.
They are off to the cinema this evening to reward their hard work.

Cblue My DD1 changed one subject on results day - it was fairly straightforward for her, and lots were doing similar.
The main consideration I suppose is what she wants to do after A Levels and what she needs to be able to do it.

MMZZ I meant to respond on Friday but things got busy and I lost you all for a while - but reading about your DS after his exam really struck a chord with me.
My DD1 was fairly lonely through the GCSE years. She just didn't seem to have anything in common with anyone anymore.
But 6th form has been completely different - although she still hasn't necessarily found "her tribe" DC in general are much more inclusive, and also place a far higher value on intelligence and working hard. Also, because the classes are smaller and they spend so much time in them, they seem to naturally bond more with classmates and develop a sort of family mentality.
So she has found herself socialising far more and has genuine friends now rather than just acquaintances.
I still hold out hope that she'll finally find truly likeminded friends once she gets to university in October.

Gosh dgd started when she was 10! jufus but my eldest dd was 16 when she did and youngest was 11 so varies. Weight has a lot to do with it. If you are under 6 and a half to 7 stone monthlys may stop or not start.. ( so I was told). My eldest dd had polycystic ovaries so I would get dd checked if I was you just as a precaution.

Thanks Loose - yes I still don't know why all those LS lessons focused on spelling as DS now realises happily that as long as most examiners know what he is saying he will be ok and he spells phonetically. So when he checks his typed work he now just goes back and makes sure the sentence can be understood and doesn't bother about spelling (not enough time) - and hopefully after GCSE's he will be allowed spellcheck !!!!! Can lead to some amusement though - he has an eggsam timetable and write's English SA's. Also on a childhood outing - eye, spy with my little eye something beginning with L (ellicopter). All made perfect sense to him :)