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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Help m daughter has been banned from proms

115 replies

Catherineandoh · 17/05/2018 22:40

Please can anyone help me, I'm typing this message in tears, I feel like I've failed my daughter as a parent. My lovely hard working daughter which I adore so much has been banned from proms and it's so unfair, she was involved in an unprovoked attack, she was attacked by another girl who has behaviour issues, my daughter was held down when this girl was beating her up, she had bruises, when she finally broke free she was taken into the safety of an office but for some reason the attackers boyfriend got into the office and attacked my daughter pushing her and hitting her head onto a wall. When the fight was going on she couldn't breath or free herself to defend herself because her head was in headlock and another child was holding her down. When she finally broke free she acted on impulse to hit her attack but she ended up hitting a teacher by accident. The teacher even explained that my daughter hitting him was an accident. The school excluded her for 5 days and invited us to a meeting with the board of governors who have now decided that she can't attend the proms, we've even appealed but they still say no. My daughter is very stressed now, she won't eat and is complaining of severe headache, she's currently doing her GCSE and I'm sacred this can affect her performance. She's never had any problems in school and she's a good student, she worked in te school library, raised funds for charity, been a year and school council and even raised money for proms. What can I do now. This is no fair at all. Please can anyone advice me on what to do. Thanks

OP posts:

kesstrel · 18/05/2018 08:58

is only about the prom

No, it's quite clearly about her daughter's reaction to the unfairness of being deprived of the prom

Also, the school dealt with the attack in the way many schools do. Threads here are full of people complaining about parents overreacting to attacks by other children with behaviour problems (OP's own words), and insisting that such attacks be met with understanding. The attacker is now at a different school (and thus not a threat), and the boyfriend is presumably not considered a further threat for that reason. Why shouldn't the OP focus on her daughter's emotions and reactions, combined with worrying about her GCSE's (which is what she is doing).

Lalliella · 18/05/2018 08:58

Police. Safeguarding. Ofsted. But please don’t do an online petition, it really won’t help your case. So sorry for your daughter.

Veterinari · 18/05/2018 08:54

You night want to take the good advice you’ve been given here re:reporting the assault to the police and appealing to governers etc rather than asking CAB about prom ‘laws’ and starting online petitions.

You seem to have rather strange priorities.

kesstrel · 18/05/2018 08:53

For all those sceptical of the OP's account of how the school has handled this, on the grounds that their school would handle it differently: there are 3,300 state secondary schools in England alone. Approaches to discipline and incidents of violence do vary widely. It is not unusual for a governing body to routinely back up a head-teacher's decisions, even if those decisions can be viewed as unfair. After all, as many people have said here, the issue at hand is "only" a prom, and many would view that as not all that important.

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 18/05/2018 08:53

Thanks speakout, I agree.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 18/05/2018 08:53

The meeting with the board of governors was long enough ago for them to have appealed and as others are pointing out is only about the prom not the attack itself

myrtleWilson · 18/05/2018 08:49

If this had happened to my daughter I think my order of priority would have been a)attack on daughter/and ongoing safeguarding given second attacker still in school b) GCSEs and any impact on her ability to meet expectations and then someway down the the list prom... why the focus on the party OP and not the more materially important aspects?

kesstrel · 18/05/2018 08:48

Baroness

The original incident happened 3 weeks ago. However, the OP states:

"invited us to a meeting with the board of governors who have now decided that she can't attend the proms, we've even appealed but they still say no. My daughter is very stressed now,"

speakout · 18/05/2018 08:48

I was thinking of also starting a petition online

Please don't.

I mean seriously don't.

speakout · 18/05/2018 08:45

IsMyUserNameRubbish I agree.

My teens ( now 20 and 18) have never been in any form of trouble either.
I hate the idea that all teens are natural troublemakers.

Original poster

Catherineandoh · 18/05/2018 08:45

I definitely can't reply to all the comments but I'm really overwhelmed by all your replies and advice, I'm feeling very positive about this, you've all given me hope. I phoned the school this morning for the head principle's email and I was refused, so I'll be writing to the school's email for the attention of the HP. I wish I can post the name of the school here. I was thinking of also starting a petition online, any thoughts on how to go about it will be great. My dd managed an apple this morning and I'm so happy, she's only going to school because of her GCSE, she's lost weight suddenly, the school offered no help or counselling for my dd. She's really stressed but very determined to do her exams. 💖💖💖

OP posts:

Anasnake · 18/05/2018 08:44

The prom is not the priority

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 18/05/2018 08:44

My message was in reply to OP.

speakout · 18/05/2018 08:43

Catherineandoh also what reason did the school give for her exclusion when the teacher admitted he had been hit accidentally?

A few months ago my DD hit a teacher accidentally- she was carrying a piece of wood through a door ( part of a drama prop). DD and teacher didn't see each other and teacher got whacked on the head.

There was no exclusion or disciplinary action.

How does an accident lead to an exclusion?

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 18/05/2018 08:42

I beg to differ, my two beautiful sons never brought any trouble to our door. They were well behaved, done well at school, popular and now they've turned in to amazing fathers and husbands as well as amazing sons and brothers to each other. Their hard work paid off and now they own their own homes with great extremely well paid jobs, so no on behalf of every other parent with great kids, I refuse that just because one parents teenager gets in to trouble, then all teenagers must do, news flash! no, they don't and it's not fair to tar them all with the same brush.

speakout · 18/05/2018 08:39

Catherineandoh but can't you see that it seems odd that you are focusing on the prom rather than the fact your DD was assaulted.

I mean going to the CAB to ask about prom rights would be way down on my list of priorities if my DD had been assaulted.

speakout · 18/05/2018 08:36

Tell your daughter your taking her to the prom...
She might not be able to go inside and eat.. but there is not a dam thing they can do too stop her turning up to ARRIVE.. . So you can join the Que and get your photos

I am sorry but I think that's a terrible idea on so many levels.
You are taunting your DD. Maximising the importance of the prom, having your DD stick a middle finger up at the school and the staff, making other pupils and your daughter feel uncomfortable, and frankly making her look like an abrasive aggressive idiot.

Original poster

Catherineandoh · 18/05/2018 08:33

@IsMyUserNameRubbish she's a normal teen, and no teen is an angel. She's never got into a fight and not a trouble maker. She was attacked by another student known to have challenging behaviour

OP posts:

billybagpuss · 18/05/2018 08:32

KeiTeNgeNge · 18/05/2018 08:32

I don’t understand why u didn’t go to the police straightaway?

mummmy2017 · 18/05/2018 08:23

BaronessEllaSaturday · 18/05/2018 08:23

kesstrel I could understand if this was a recent occurrence i.e. yesterday/today but it's 3 weeks since it happened. 3 weeks is plenty of time to be cool and collected, the op was cool enough to see citizens advice about it.

Snowysky20009 · 18/05/2018 08:20

This sounds like there has been a few things happening, and the fact a teacher was hit, was the last straw for th school. I'm puzzled by them moving a child to another school to sit there exams?.......

kesstrel · 18/05/2018 08:19

A number of the most recent posters criticising the OP seem to have missed her statement I'm typing this message in tears as they criticise the OP for not taking the cool and rational approach to posting that they no doubt would have done in the circumstances.

Others seem to have missed My daughter is very stressed now, she won't eat and is complaining of severe headache, she's currently doing her GCSE and I'm scared this can affect her performance.

FATEdestiny · 18/05/2018 08:16

This is a one-sided story.

I am certain that the side told by the school would be significantly different than the one presented by the OP here. Likewise that of the other two involved in the violence.

I sit on governors disciplinary panels for excluded pupils. If the appeal has already been heard, the case is closed and will not be reheard. Stop wasting your energy. A police report is separate to any disciplinary matters in school. By all means report to the police if you feel you should, but it won't have any bearing on the decision to exclude.

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