Boarding School

Hi OP
Also have an academic DD, my two p's worth: she is at DH and loving it.

-Academic achievement definitely a priority here, and the GCSE-A-Level exam cycle is treated as the start of their 'career' (this may be the same in other schools, I am a bit out of date!) Extra exams and early exam taking can be arranged, too: my dd is taking early GCSEs.
-However, the girls seem to have enormous fun as well, plus the headmistress is incredible.
-My DD is very level-headed but happy to report no 'mean girl' nonsense / bitchiness / eating disorders, which was a concern of mine.
-If your DDs have sporting or musical talent as well: there are lots of very strong all-rounders here, and this seems to fuel achievement among the girls themselves, which I find very interesting - e.g. they are naturally encouraged to push themselves, as everyone else is.

DH topped all the others for me (was originally looking at St Swithuns, and WA) due to

• Academic ethos led by a very strong headmistress
• Cosy size and family feel
• Good facilities, but maybe not as impressive as the larger schools
• Great alumni network, very strong academic and career support

Good luck with your choice, it is exciting when you find the right fit!

I don’t know why you would assume parents at day schools are helicopter parents. Who has the time/energy?! Not what I see at all, although I’m not in London.

My children at day schools have to sort themselves out homework wise, except one son who has an hours maths tuition a week and you’d think that was a torture session from the way he moans.
I’m sure most state school/independent day school parents in the country are similar. My boarding school son has to work much much harder.

Surely there are 3 good reasons for choosing boarding:-

1. Your child will be in small classes with well paid teachers, lots and lots of support. If they have a learning difficulty it will generally be spotted and dealt with more quickly (and they will get extra time if they need it). There will be rigorous setting based on ability with teeny tiny groups for ‘strugglers’ and generally made to work harder - and hopefully see the joy in doing so. They will have amazing career guidance and a lot of help with their personal statements and if they’re really bright their will be Oxbridge coaching. This will all give them the best chance of good grades and university. That’s what I mean by spoon feeding and apologies if it offended. You can perhaps match a lot of this at a really good day school if you have nothing else to do and only one or two compliant children.
2. The totally amazing array of extra curricular activities on offer with luxurious sporting and cultural facilities. Your child is more likely to be in the Olympic team at lots of sports from one of these schools (although I think that’s all private schools, not just boarding) and, so it now seems, more likely to be a successful actor.
3. The fact you don’t have to do a school run every day, make sure there is food at home for your ever hungry teens, pick up their wet towels, wash their clothes etc etc and are therefore free to go about your working or social life as you wish.

However there is abother reason which I think sometimes influences parents to choose boarding and that is to ensure their children only get to mix with the ‘right type’ of people and thereby have a passport into a certain class of society. I always secretly hope their children drop out of it all and marry a brickie. No offense to brickies intended 😁

children at boarding schools are ACADEMICALLY spoon fed from supervised preps.
Not IME from some very selective academically successful boarding schools.
Teachers do not step in and help but they are there if the DC seeks help. Fixed prep times means that all DCs are at least given the opportunity not to be distracted at the same time and know that they are meant to work and how long for. For the younger DCs, house staff will do rounds to ensure that this time is not spent gaming or distracting others..
However it is up to the DC to get on with it, they take the consequences if they don't, they don't have parents or extra tutors to hold their hands. It is also up to the DCs at boarding schools to learn to ask for help and use the resource of staff there at hand in the evening or after lessons. That is a very valuable lesson for life post school.
Some schools like Eton take the self organisation a step further by not having fixed prep times.
That is why these schools select DCs who are not only are bright but also give the impression of wanting and being ablto take up opportunities themselves rather than being led to them.
Parents of day DCs may be tiger parents or feel the need to intervene and help or pay for extra help. Full boarders achieve what they achieve through their own efforts and self motivation. If they don't have the motivation they won't do as well as if they were at home being pushed / helped despite the privilege of having teachers around in the evenings. It is true that some types of boarding parents step in during the holidays with spponfeeding but that also happens with day schools.

Oh dear, Wycombe Abbey clearly did not do a good job teaching me percentages! Clearly I was not Oxbridge-material for maths!

Just to add my halfpenny's worth...I went to Wycombe Abbey thirty years ago(ouch!). Times have changed and I expect the school has too, but this was my experience:

I was one of the top fifth of my year and did have a very good experience, academically-speaking. What happened in those days is that , fairly early on, the staff decided which girls were likely to get into Oxbridge and concentrated on those. This meant that the other 4/5ths had a (relatively) mediocre education.

I remember an A-level French class where the four of us who were going on to do Languages at Oxbridge basically "led" the class and all the translation exercises done in class were given to us. The result was that the other ten in the class didn't do that well at A-level (relatively -speaking) because they just hadn't had the attention.
And I met up with a friend recently, who has done fantastically well in her career, who was saying how the school gave up on her fairly early on, and even made her do 2 A-levels rather than the three or four we normally did then because they didn't want her to skew their statistics by-"shock-horror"-getting a C or worse in one of her exams.

I would say about 50% were happy boarding there(and would/are sending their children there); 50% pretty unhappy(and wouldn't), with a small percentage desperately unhappy (the second part obvious!) Anorexia was a real problem, but maybe is is at all all-girls' schools.

Anyway, just wanted to give you a realistic picture of what WA was really like, but whether any of this still applies to the school today, I've no idea.

Good luck with your choice.

Rosie - what do you do regarding childcare for the school holidays?

Actually here's a sweeping generalisation for you. The OP sounds just like the kind of parent I dreaded having to deal with when we decided on our independent school for our DD. And I eat my words, most people are far more lovely and normal and not all the dreadful snobs I thought as I assumed they would be.

OP, how long have your daughters been boarding already? How old were they when they started? Is it working well?

As it's over 1.5 hours from where you seem to live to there, and you talk about Facetiming your DD at a weekend, I presume that they are already boarding, which is why you want them to continue?

It seems odd that you didn't mention this earlier?

I think the OP would be better off sticking to what she is looking for in a school rather than making sweeping statements about state. Every time I check back in on this thread there is something else that is inaccurate and insulting about state schools and I am speaking as someone who attended a great state school, have a good degree and have a daughter as a day girl at a top boarding school.

The comment about getting homework done and on time. Yes at my daughters boarding school they do prep from 4.45 but equally at our local comp they have enrichment activities every day after school and homework/study groups. It's fine to say boarding is what you want, that you wouldn't dream of sending you children st state but please be aware how you are coming across to some people. Generally these threads about boarding pass by on mums net with very little of this type of dialogue people respect a parents view of what they want for their kid, but generally the OP doesn't get people's backs up by making generalisations in this manner

The local grammars are in fact single sex and there is also a good state boarding school over in Maidenhead. Why on earth op is asking here with the level of help and support she gets from the staff at godstowe who know her children and whether they're more Bedales than WA we will never know. But it makes no sense. They will also be able to correct some of the startling inaccuracies in her thoughts about what goes on at state schools and at boarding schools.
Given that boarding schools have very long holidays she's better off practically speaking sending them to a good day school and hiring a nanny as presumably her hectic life and complex working arrangements don't end in the school holidays.

Sorry, Baubles, that wasn't clear. I know WHY the OP has discounted the local grammar school - it isn't boarding, and it isn't single sex. But "No one at Godstowe goes to a state school unless it’s a local grammar. This won’t be an option for the op." isn't true - there IS a local grammar.

I am absolutely fine with the idea that the OP will only consider private schools, and within those, only boarding schools.

What I find less fine is her casual, uninformed denigration of state schools when they simply don't feature in her world at all, and she knows nothing about them.

Bubbles, if she really does live where her name suggests, there is an excellent grammar school on her doorstep, so that presumably WOULD be an option? i appreciate that the Bucks one won't be. About 20% of Pate's pupils come from private schools as far as I can see from the stats, but of course it is more selective than the girls' boarding schools.

The DC is question are at Godstowe. That’s a boarding prep! They can try boarding. They possibly already board! Of course parents know if their child will like boarding if they go to Godstowe! It’s what the school is about. When my DD was there, only the girls who went on to Bucks Grammars didn’t board! Most of their girls go to senior boarding schools at 13, not 11. They have an outstanding reputation for getting girls into the top boarding schools. The school was founded by the same lady as founded WA. Many girls transfer seamlessly to WA and plenty to CLC and Benendon too.

Therefore I cannot see why the op would look at a state school. No one at Godstowe goes to a state school unless it’s a local grammar. This won’t be an option for the op. She didn’t ask about state schools. Perhaps she shouldn’t have even mentioned her views in her op. However, they are no different to many, many boarding prep school parents. It’s just the way it is. You choose a prep school that feeds the top boarding schools, not your local comp.

The op is right that boarding offers everything under one roof. (So to speak). At the best schools, there is a depth of talent and the education is broader with guest speakers, alumni networks etc.

I think if the op visits a variety of schools, the differences will appear and a favourite or two will emerge! I would look at the destinations of Godstowe girls and see where other parents choose for their bright girls.

Boarding schools can have day pupils and these are day boarders. They do their prep with the boarders and have supper with them too. It’s a long day and then there is the journey to and from school. Both my DDs finished lessons at 4.30 and there was no Saturday school. They had long lunch breaks. They didn’t get noticeably more teaching and the terms were way shorter. 3 /4 weeks in the summer! What they did do was lots of extra activities and house events. Boarding is not all academics. It’s way more than that. Few boarders have tutors! When would this be fitted in? Just go for the best fit school, op.

Your post really resonated with me longtallwalker.

I was sent to boarding school. I got a full scholarship. My mum was dead set on me going private because I was bright, and although I can understand her motivations, I still feel a bit resentful and that she didn't trust me and my ability to succeed.

When I got to uni most of my friends had been to state school and I could see no difference in our abilities. In fact they were more focused than me as the world of pubs and clubs and all the freedom was all new to me and I went a bit mad.

Both my children go to our local comp 15 minutes walk down the road. It is a lovely school and they are both top sets for most things and do lots of after school activities. In fact dd does some kind of activity nearly every day after school. And I never have to make them do their homework. I leave it to them to do as and when they want and it all gets done. DS does maths GCSE papers for fun.

I hated boarding.

I can understand why you think boarding would be best OP, and that you enjoyed boarding yourself but do you have a plan B in case your girls don't like it?

RosieWoodChelt,

My understanding is that your wish for boarding is, essentially, logistical and because you enjoyed this 'family tradition', and also that (for a reason you have not specified) that you think single sex education would suit your DD.

I don't get the impression that you know a lot about state education, because you move in 'private education only' social circles and your need for boarding because of your work and your DH's rules even the most astonishing state schools out.

Can iI therefore suggest that you don't make statements about state education at all? Of course, if you have visited all the selective and comprehensive options available to you locally, and have ruled them out individually as schools, you can comment about them in particular - e.g. you have not considered Pate's Grammar because you need your DD's to be looked after by the school at night and at the weekend, and it is a M-F day school, even though it is (in terms of academic results and progress) superior to the boarding schools discussed.

However, it does feel as if you have not spent much, if any, time considering or visiting state schools, and your sweeping statements do come across as both naive and a little rude. They may be 'the opinions of your equally state-ignorant social / educational circle', but it doesn't make them generally true.

When I was at WA a million years ago, prep wasn't EVER supervised by teachers. It was done in the 'house study' and quiet was controlled by the older girls (y11 equivalent). However you were expected to be there and not e.g. in the dorms. If you needed help your peers were around or even older girls.

I wonder how much internet access and social media has affected boarding schools. On the one hand I can see it will make them less isolated, but on the other I can see some of the benefits being impacted by online distractions.

I think boarding school can be right for the right child in the right school. But you have to be very careful to get the fit correct.