Teachers- are you surprised when you meet parents?

Malbecfan bawling

blessyourcottonsocks Your reply was so beautiful it made me cry.

OP, when I look at my children I see smart, precocious, strong, interesting, charming, confident, funny little people.

When I see myself I see fat, frumpy, failed at everything, on my millionth set of second chances.

I have no idea how they came from me. All I do is dress them, brush their teeth, feed them, put them to bed, drop them to and from school/nursery/activities and hope for the best (and that me being a single parent twice over and having no money won't harm their life chances any)

We need to stop putting ourselves down though, we taught those birds to fly and if their wings are strong and they're on the right flight path then we have already excelled at the most difficult job there is

Lol, I teach p/t at the school my kids are/were at. On Parents' Evenings, new colleagues who don't realise are often taken aback when I rock up in my jeans. If it's a non-working day, I don't give 2 hoots what I wear.

However, when there is a year-group evening meeting, it is a nightmare trying to put names to the faces, especially when the parents are there without their kids. Last week was one such event where I was collared by a nice but persistent mum. Luckily she dropped her DS's name into the conversation early and he is the only one in the year.

I did get a shock early this year when a year 8 I had known since they were in reception at my DDs' primary school turned up with their mum. The mum had always been utterly glamorous, driving her prestigious car and with a lovely figure. The lady before me was stumbling around, overweight and uncoordinated. However, I put on my professional head and greeted her warmly as she remembered me from primary school. Her first words were, "I'm sorry I'm a bit clumsy but I have a brain tumour". After that, all preconceptions vanished. The child is an utter delight, mum cried when I told her that. The child works really well, has a keen and inquisitive mind and mum cried again. I was getting a bit wobbly by then so asked child to get me a cuppa (my DD was serving tea). Mum confided that her prognosis was poor and she would be unlikely to make another such evening. However, she was really happy to know that her child was both doing so well and had teachers who knew about the situation and would look out for them. It really got to me (I'm still a bit choked now 4 months on and mum is significantly worse). My first erroneous impression was that mum had let herself go; how wrong was I and thank goodness I did not say anything or share it. It's what goes on at home in terms of support that matters, not what the parents look like and I'd be surprised if any teacher thinks differently.

You can call my kids sullen whenever they deserve it. I am not a snowflake will agree with you!!

@justicereigns

Apologies for poor choice of words - I didn't mean to dismiss the many problems that students can face. I always pass on concerns to the pastoral team. I don't appreciate your assumption that I 'dismiss' students' problems, or that I blithely go around telling students who look down to 'cheer up' Of course I know that's not going to help and it's not as simple as that!

The only time I have been surprised when meeting parents is when the parents of very sullen / hostile kids have turned out to be super friendly and nice and sociable. Not what I expected, but in a good way, and it made me feel more optimistic for the kids in that I hoped that their moodiness was just down to being a disaffected teen and that they would ultimately grow up to be like their parents!

@Esker, please don't call them "sullen". They may be introverted, anxious, depressed, hormonal. They may want to be just like their parents, but not have the lucky genes. There may be something going on at home, or they may just be naturally a little self-absorbed - not everyone has a naturally smiley face and, believe me, there's nothing worse than going about your own business feeling perfectly happy only to have people tell you to cheer up all of the time. If you're concerned enough to think there may be an underlying issue, and don't feel able to talk to them yourself, then refer them to your pastoral team - but in this day and age I hope we've gone beyond teachers dismissing students as sullen, even if it is anonymously on Mumsnet.

Thank you zzzzz. (I'm rubbish at Geography/Language!)

Judging from your ds I would have expected you to be lovely. I really couldn’t care less about what you look like. Your ds sounds like a delight to teach and every teacher in the world loves the parents of a lovely student!

To be honest, as long as you turn up and seem supportive of your child and me I’m happy. Extra points, though, if you bring a cheerful baby to cuddle during the consultation!

I can’t help thinking they’d be surprised to meet me and dh. We aren’t smart, business style parents

You do realise that anyone can buy a cheap suit from Asda to make themselves look "smart" - con-men do it all the time. What you wear is no indicator. At my son's school, the "top" boy academically (predicted 10 grade 9s and aiming for Oxford), is a right scruff, as are his parents who look more like they live rough rather than in a leafy suburb. As an accountant, my richest client is a millionaire, who looks and smells like a tramp - I open the windows before he comes and have to spray the air freshener afterwards. How you look is absolutely no indicator whatsoever of your wealth, intelligence etc. Anyone who makes judgments upon how you look is deluded.

I'm almost never surprised by the parents.

The only time I've been surprised was when the parents turned up speaking with the local accent. I was a little taken aback as their DD had a broad American accent - but assumed that they must have lived abroad for a while. It turned out that they hadn't. She just spoke that way .

I've never been surprised at parents' eve. One way or another, it always makes absolute sense.

I expect that you and your DH being hard working, taking schooling seriously and wanting your DS to do well, being proud of him, all came across (I'm guessing, but tell me if I'm wrong about those things).

I have never thought less of a student, or a parent, after a parents' eve. One way or another, everyone is doing the best they can with what they have.

My geography teacher was once shocked when he met my mum and dad at parents evening as my dad was also a teacher there and geography teacher hadn’t realised I was his daughter

I think dd13's teachers wouldn't be particularly surprised by dh and my personality, but dd is the same height as me and very slim, dh and i are quite overweight, so i did wonder if they were surprised by that.

My A Level English teacher commented that he was "surprised to see Dandelion's dad in a suit yesterday". I said he had come from work, and he replied "I just assumed you had a big country estate and Daddy didn't really do anything except buy you ponies and expensive wellies. I was a bit taken aback when I saw him on a blackberry" . My dad said he did seem a bit flustered for the first 30 seconds or so.

You sound lovely, please don't worry. (I'm still waiting for my daddy to buy me a pony and expensive wellies ).

After we had one parents evening for ds2, his English teacher said in class the next day that “the coolest dad we saw last night was (our ds2) dad” . DH was delighted. She also named who she thought was the uncoolest dad too

The only time I have been surprised when meeting parents is when the parents of very sullen / hostile kids have turned out to be super friendly and nice and sociable. Not what I expected, but in a good way, and it made me feel more optimistic for the kids in that I hoped that their moodiness was just down to being a disaffected teen and that they would ultimately grow up to be like their parents!

OP last parent evening I asked dd3 " so how normal do I have to be during this evening?" she responded.. " on a scale of 5-7?" me: "yes"
DD3 " about 7.9" apparently I managed.. close friend told me " tell her she is lucky my dd's has inked up mum with blue hair arriving. She and I have fairly similar parenting opinions just very different dress style

Georgie they will never do that. And don't put yourself down!

Except for one girl in my tutor group whose father is one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen in the flesh. I remember him alright!

One of the schools we visited for DD, a particular English teacher was one of the best looking men I have ever seen. She didn't choose that school but God knows how I would have discussed her progress with him - would have been difficult to speak while I was slathering.

I don't remember parents at all really, full stop. Sorry! But I see them once amongst sometimes 50 in a night and I have 6 parents' evenings a year. I've stopped saying 'nice to meet you' as if I've taught a sibling I've probably met them before and they sometimes look affronted...

Except for one girl in my tutor group whose father is one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen in the flesh. I remember him alright!

My DD has started this year at the same secondary as her older brother. He is tall, skinny, blond curly hair, very athletic, horribly shy and about as unartistic and musical as possible. She is small, plump, uncoordinated, straight brown hair, artistic and outgoing. Several teachers came over to me at a recent year 7 parents evening and were amazed they were siblings. But no one expressed any surprise at me! I am relatively ancient to have children at all and feel like a grandparent at school events against younger parents, so a lack of surprise is a good thing!