How do I compare independent schools to state schools?

Your private school sounds a bit rubbish, to be honest. The small class sizes haven't worked in your favour if you were hoping to get into a grammar, and the teaching of the non-top stream doesn't seem to have been great if your DS didn't get offered a place in a grammar, assuming you think he's capable. Private schools are a business, first and foremost; before they go on about fabulous facilites and exam results they need bums on seats. They can encourage that by having a snobbish attitude to state schools, which your poor DS is finding out now, irrelevant of the real quality of the state school he's been offered. Nothing you say suggests that the private system has been beneficial for your DS.

I think you are coming from an assumption (like many people) that private is automatically superior, which has just been proven not to be the case for your DS. People automatically value things that they pay for more than free stuff (no-one is going to admit to shelling out thousands for a school and thinking it's mediocre). Teaching is not automatically better in the private sector; indeed, it's easy to get away with mediocre teaching in the private sector as you have interested kids who have generally been selected for ability.

Unless the state option is dire; your DS will almost certainly be fine, especially with interested parents who can afford tutoring and extra-curricular activities. This post probably does sound anti-private school and to some extent it is; but private schools have done a blinding PR job on the middle classes to get them to swallow the idea that it's somehow vastly superior and essential to your child's future. Yes, there are some great private schools, but state schools can be great too.

Is there any reason why your son can't just stay where he is so that you have more time to decide?

All your reasons for not asking the head are not based in fact. You are assuming that he will be of no help, you are assuming that he will just try and keep you at the school. It's just daft.

It's a simple move too just go in and ask. Then at least you will know.

And as for looking at other private schools. Most take boys from Y9, so you may as well stay at the prep and take your time. By all means go on the continuing interest list for the state schools that you want.

Also you will have probably missed the assessment for the indies that take boys at Y6.

You are actually in a much better position than a lot of people. You can stay where you are for the time being while sitting on a waiting list for state.
And you also have the time to really look into independent schools in your area. You need to go to open days and visits, you need to talk to the head, and you need to have a clear assessment of where your son will be happy.

completely agree with Bekabeech, although our Head would prefer a child to stay, she would absolutely know about all the other schools in the area and actually I would trust that she has the best interests of my child at heart and would recommend the best school(s). All the other schools, private and state are competition and its part of their job to know how they compare.

I hope your current school isnt one of the ones your considering - it doesnt sound that great if your child hasnt been streamed appropriately and if they couldnt get him through the grammar exam (asuming he was potentially brought enough). The parents and children sound elitist too. This isnt my experience of Private schools.

Why do you want to ditch your existing private school for a random private that has last minute places?

If you are happy to hang on for your preferred state school place then why not stay at your prep and move as soon as a state place comes up - some places may come up closer Sept

He doesn't sound an ideal head of a Prep BTW, around here most Prep heads can comment on the state schools. Children have to go to state schools for all kinds of reasons, sometimes it's the best choice, and sometimes there are personal/family reasons.

And comments about every state school made you suicidal and every Private were fabulous - are just madness. Of the State and private schools in may area - they are all so different. Some in both sector I would love to send my children to if it was right for them, others personally I would avoid at all costs (often because of gossip I've heard from parents who actually send their children to those schools or personal observation when working there).

I would so go private due to my background.

Went to private from nursery til year 8 then went to 4x state secondary schools and ditched classes at every school... never even made it tp GCSE.. i loved my private schools. The teachers wer better, the students were kinder to me.

I never once came home crying but every state school i went to made me suicidal.

I know not every situation is the same but for me.. thats how it was

I think it is unlikely that he will have info on state schools, I don’t think that is what Prep Heads do. But he should advise on 11+ private schools.

The problem is, it is in his interests to keep your DS til 13, and afaik the
CE curriculum is different from Yr 7&8.

Of course he is not going to put out info on state schools at an information evening!
You are at a prep school, the majority of parents will stay to Y8 and he has to cater for that. But that does not mean that he will not be able to help.

Stop trying to second guess him, go in and ask!

I cannot believe that you are allowing your feelings of embarrassment to stop you getting the best outcome for your child.

If your Ds liked the allocated school when you looked round, and it is ‘on the uo’ It sounds like a good bet to me! Go and see it again, talk to your Dd about prejudice and reputation and get him out of this snob-pit!

This is why parents should not slag off schools in front of kids. What do they think they are doing?

So your kid has no school because your embarrassed to ask your head, whose job it is.

To be blunt every day that goes reduces your choices. You won't presumably have much choice of state anyway so get him on lists TODAY. And ffs talk to your head.

You need to get over yourself and talk to the head. It’s a major part of his job to advise on next schools and any head worth his salt should be able to say: “this school will suit your boy, this one won’t”. There is no point getting yourself tied in knots over schools that are not right for your DS.

He will also know the local state schools. He will have seen parents like you before as there is a lot of movement from private To state that you might not know about.

You are throwing away the greatest resource that you have if you don’t talk to him.

Okay - my eldest got in from starting at at least 25th on the waiting list.

To consider how realistic try to find out: is this a "low" or "high" birth rate year (if you can find the present furthest distance and what it was at round 1 in previous years, this can help)? Are there any new developments? Is it a school used as "back up" to private or more desirable schools? How mobile is the population (eg. near Universities there is often a churn every year)?

I have friends who were shocked that at one private (very highly thought of) school near me, a lot of the teachers are trainees. Most DC I know seem to come out with very similar grades regardless of which school they go to. There are differences with some students and some schools, which is why I had a preference for the school for my DC.
But for very high ranking sports people the State schools might be better (more flexible and less sport in school gives time for training with clubs out of school); but for an average sports person the private schools might be better.

I just wouldn't panic into a private school you are less than happy with, as it might be a mistake. Especially as without "other people" you seemed okay with even the school offered.
Do remind your son that if parents are paying a lot for private education, then they have a lot invested in seeing it as superior.

LIKE for Like.

It's a bit like comparing 4 and 5* hotels.

Just don't have the same expectations, it's not comparing low for like.

I looked at private schools for my eldest. A key aspect for me was commuting time, and how long the effective school days was - and balancing this against advantages. It's worth while also considering time that might be spent on sport, music or extra tutoring.

Also where are you on the waiting list for your preferred school? How much movement is there usually? Do you have any grounds for appeal - hobbies or interests of your son which this school meets?

You can’t even generalise on things like music. Our local comp has a music offer that way outstrips many private schools. Every child can have 121 tuition, it is £50 a term, the orchestra and choirs are top notch...

I would say that the difference is not in quality of education, but things like class size, amount of communication parents get with the school, quality of facilities.

OP: sorry you got a knock-back over the Grammar and first preference school, and hope your DS is holding up through the uncertainty.

Im not going to get into the debate of whether private is better than state, and Im certainly not going to be rude enough to criticise someone for the decision they make for their child..

OP if you're looking for a grammar school type education then yes there are certain private schools that are waaay more academic than others. Mostly they are selective, with entrance exams and have waiting lists. They wont necessarily be the more expensive ones, youre not paying just for results.

Get a copy of the Good School Guide, they get remarkably good insights into school life and ethos and dont include schools just for their results. That said if your son is motivated and bright he should be do well in any 'good' school, so is it really worth £15-20k a year for maybe one grade higher results? Or do you value the other private school advantages too?

Have you asked the Prep school which senior school they think would suit him?

You my have more luck naming the private schools youre considering and asking for any knowledge of them.

Sunnyshores the Sunday Times most recent league table of independent schools results ranks Marlborough at 110 so I wouldn't necessarily call it a leading independent at present. Indeed its 2017 A level results (48% A*/A) are similar to our local non-selective state school.
I agree with the others that whether private schools offer a more rounded education is open to debate. The problem IMO is that the areas where private schools are stronger (such as drama, sport, music etc) are areas where state school parents-especially in London- can provide opportunities to excel outside school. Whereas many private school pupils -and especially those who attend prep schools instead of state primaries- have no experience of whole sections of society . I wouldn't accept that the wealthy foreigners at many private schools provide a diverse environment and at some schools they keep to themselves anyway. On the contrary the huge rise in school fees means that the types of British families who can afford private education has narrowed leading if anything to a less diverse British student body which has been supplemented by the international rich.