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Original poster

Worried about my son starting highschool

36 replies

Miracle29 · 22/01/2018 09:15

Hi everyone I'm new here. My son turned 10 in August and he's the youngest in his class he'll be starting highschool in September and will only just be 11. I'm a little worried as he's such a shy quiet boy always has been. He's ok if people approach him but not good at making friends himself. He tends to put his head down around kids he doesn't know. He's so nervous about highschool. The teachers love him in primary school always complementing his manners which is lovely to hear. Another problem the teachers have is if he doesn't understand something he won't ask for help he'd rather struggle then get upset or embarrassed if questioned. He has also been bullied in the past it was awful to see him so upset and scared to tell the teachers. His primary school is only small with 200 pupils and the highschool is over 900. He's not very sporty and does get shouted at by kids in pe sessions for not passing ball or missing the goals ECT and he takes it all to heart. We have visited the highschool and it took him 1 hour to start to explore on his own or join in with the tasks there I understand help be nervous it's a big step maybe I'm more nervous than him I don't know. I'm just not sure how to approach the highschool talk or prepare him. It terrifies me. Anyone with any advice will be much appreciated thankyou.

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 22/01/2018 11:56

The main thing is to try to 'hit the ground running' so's to speak. In the transition days and first couple of weeks everyone will be feeling new and out of place. So if he can make some conversation then (perhaps approaching other people who appear quiet and on their own?) it will be easier than if he waits and then people get in to groups.

I think it really helped my DD that she didn't have firm friends from primary, as she wasn't tempted to stick with them for safety, and the friends she has now are much better suited.

Look around now for what coats & bags the younger boys have, so your DS can feel more confident in having the 'right' stuff as it varies from school to school.

Original poster
Miracle29 · 22/01/2018 11:49

That's a really good idea I will try that thankyou. I've tried the whole club thing as there's quite a few in school and out but he's never been interested in doing them. We do take him to places with my partners work friends children and seems ok with them but we have to push him to go and play which seems really mean but if we don't he would just sit there and not move. Once he's joined in he's ok so I'm just hoping and praying he'll be the same at highschool. I'm on the lookout for people in my area who are going the same school or who are already there

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 22/01/2018 11:31

Our primary was single form too, going up to a secondary where there are 250 in her year.
He can be a 'new person' at secondary. Everyone will be new and feeling less confident.

Could you find a drama club out of school, or any other club at all where he has to mix with some others? Or a holiday club not based at current school? He could practice approaching people?
"this is fun isn't it?"
"have you seen the new fifa game on xbox"
"what football team do you support"
"have you seen the XXX film yet"
"what's in your lunch"

"the English teacher's a bit strict isn't she"
"do you know where the school bank is"
"which tutor group are you"
"which primary were you at"
"those y11s are big aren't they"
"have you tried the bacon rolls at lunch time"
"what's your tutor like"

Original poster
Miracle29 · 22/01/2018 11:23

Thankyou teen times two lovely to hear your dd2 settled. I'm not sure if everyone's primary school is the same but my son's primary school as it's so small only had 1 class's per year so he's been with the same group for 8 years and the only time they mix with other year groups is dinner time. It's so hard to see him so nervous. I'm trying to get him to put his hand up and mix with other people at dinner and he does say hes trying. I just need to put faith in him that he'll be ok he does have a tendency to go off on his own or eat on his own so he doesn't have to approach anyone I think out of fear they'll say no you can't sit here or can't play with us.

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 22/01/2018 10:50

Random thoughts:

Hopefully the new secondary will have good pastoral care, when he starts encourage him to get to know the pastoral person for his year.

These days there are usually 1 or 2 transition days in July for y6s to get to know classmates and their way around the school.

The good thing about moving to secondary is there is more choice of friends, so your DS is more likely to come across kids of similar interests and outlook.

You need to stay positive about it, don't let him pick up on your fears. Exciting new subjects, subject specialist teachers, more choice of friends etc.

But also work this year in the background on some basics like asking for help if needed, conversation starters etc.

My DD2 never made good friends at primary, and was not very confident as she struggles with so much. But since going to secondary (now y8) she has a group of similar friends, and has grown in confidence with lessons.

Original poster
Miracle29 · 22/01/2018 10:12

That's fab hanging rock so glad she's enjoying school now. It makes me feel so much better hearing these stories

OP posts:
HangingRock · 22/01/2018 10:08

My dd used to come home and say she was unpopular at primary. Also young in the year. She was very quiet. The cool ones and their hangers on weren't that nice to her and she'd been bullied a bit. Didn't have many friends. She moved to a comp with 1500 kids that most of her year went to and has enjoyed herself and thrived from day one. Her class is nicer and she's integrated well with them and she no longer blends into the woodwork. She's grown in confidence. She's still not one of the cool ones but has now got a lovely big group of similar friends and the cool ones don't give them any grief at all. She comes home happy now. (Year 9) and is in good spirits the last day of a school holiday. Doing well academically. I dreaded secondary and it used to keep me awake at night but it's been such an improvement for her.

Original poster
Miracle29 · 22/01/2018 09:51

Thank you do much for your replies I feel much better knowing I'm not alone. He does walk home now from school with a friend but won't walk to school in not sure why though. He likes lego and one thing he said to me awhile 3 back is 2ill I not be able to build lego when I go highschool? I felt awful ad I don't want him grow to quick but don't want him be bullied for his interests the lego he's in to is like character making and cars ect and he puts them on his shelf. The one way I've managed slightly to get him out of his shell is his Xbox he talks to friends on there but there are times kids have been cruel on there as i don't allow violant games and he has a time limit where as some of these kids are on it all night. They do a transition at highschool so mayve I'll feel better after that. He likes the science lab at highschool so looking forward to that. The main worry I have is bullying which I know is everywhere unfortunately but he's not good in confrontation situations and gets so upset and takes everything to heart he always says people dont like him as he doesn't get picked for a partner for pe ECT, I have explained some children are very competitive so will pick the children that like these things and to not take it to heart. He will be walking school with a few kids in the area who are in his class but he doesn't seem to play with them in school he goes to the other quiet one who's not going his school. I'm going to be a nervous wreck come July but I don't want to pass my worries to him. The teachers are all preparing them for sats and he's worried about them so dont want him worry about highschool yet either but at the same time want him prepared before hand. Ill definatly try your advice though by giving him more responsibilities hopefully it'll work thankyou

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 22/01/2018 09:44

Does he have a friend going to the same school? If so, try and keep in touch with the friend over the summer holiday, just so they don't lose touch. Maybe they could go together on the first day at least?

Seeline · 22/01/2018 09:23

They do grow up a lot in the last few months at primary so try not to worry too much.
Do all the children from his school go to the same secondary - if so you may find that there are transfer days in Y6 to help the transition. There will certainly be at least one transition day.
Help your Ds become more independent now - eg make him responsible for packing his school bag each evening ready for the next day, sort his PE kit, packed lunch etc.
Can he/does he walk to/from school on his own?
Can he go to the local shop to get a few bits?
Is he used to going on the bus/train (whatever he will need to get to secondary). Make sure he practices on his own nearer the time.
Has he got a front door key - will he need one - can he use it (my DD was quite small and had problems unlocking the door).
Don't forget the secondary has hundreds of new kids every year. They will be keen to make sure that all are happy and settle quickly. they will have come across all types of children before.

Twofishfingers · 22/01/2018 09:19

This is really hard and I will have a similar problem with my DS next september. He is so shy, quiet and an introvert.

Luckily our secondary schools has lots of clubs he is looking forward to, such as maths club, science club, lots of music (orchestras and bands). Is your DS into anything? What does he like doing? That might be a good way for him to meet other kids with similar interests?

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