Worried about my son starting highschool

If you go to the school website you may find a calendar of dates on there somewhere which might help you get your head round things.
If you are really lucky you may find a letters page with letters for the current y7s too.

At DD's school the first day in September is Y7s plus y10 'peer supporters' only. So they can be at the school on day 1 without all the scary big kids. Peer supporters are assigned to each tutor group and for the first couple of weeks they escort the kids between classes while they get to know their way around.

Again, at our school, the y6 primary teachers are asked to complete a short report on each child and this is one of the inputs used when deciding who is in which tutor group.

Top tip - take a copy of their timetable and have it on display at home.

Oh my lord this is so strange, i was speaking to a woman at a kids indoor centre on Sunday about this and her son was born in August too! She is the exact same as you about it all we had a little chat and we weere talking about my DSS is starting high school in Sept and he has some minor learning difficulties and is on the autistic spectrum and we have also been worried. i think it is natural for parents as a whole. My DD believe it or not - i'm not so worried about as she is always making new friends as she does dance comps etc and is constantly on show, making new mates...DSS on the other hand - is so shy, just wants to play on DS etc, not at all out going..how ever he has moved schools in the past 18months as his mum relocated to another town he had no problem making friends at his new primary as he found he had things in common such as DS, xbox etc. we are hoping this is the same with high school. How about you ask there high school about how the first day there would go, how they introduce each other etc. Honestly he will be fine, all the kids there will be in a simliar boat xxx

Miracle

A number (most) schools have a cashless system:

Either a card that you can top up on line or with cheque/cash at school
or
A cardless fingerprint system that is topped up the same way.

(The fingerprint system is better as you can't lose your finger or lend it to anyone else. The fingerprints themselves aren't stored, they are converted to a code.)
There is usually a limit on how much can be spent per day, and a way for you to see online what has actually been bought.

I've seen a number of y6 groups over the years. They grow up massively during y6 and especially during/after SATs. And then massively again in the holidays and up to the first half term.

Aw OP, tell him my mansized, hairy Y8 still loves and plays with his lego.

I think it is nerve-wracking - both thinking about it in advance, and the first couple of weeks - especially if they have been at a primary school that is quite cosseting.

But the thing about Secondary School is he will find his people. You're not stuck - usually - with the same people all day every day. You can leave the old assumptions of who you are behind. There's more diversity in the lessons and the cohort. There is lots to look forward to.

My y7 went from a one class per year primary to a secondary with 1500+.

He was very nervous and didn't believe it when his older siblings and I tried to reassure him on the social aspect. He's not particularly sporty but enjoys computer games and YouTube so lots of common ground to be had with other boys. He has made some good friends quickly much to everyone's relief.

He was very nervous about learning his way round too but they are given maps and there's lots of help if you can't find "Lab 2" or whatever.

I think the biggest shock is how much bigger the older teens are. Ds is about 5 foot tall so walking corridors with lots of 6 foot + kids is a shocker when you're used to seeing most people shorter than you. I know from experience that it won't be long until he's in the 6 foot club lol.

I just wanted to add a bit of reassurance
My Ds started secondary this sept(year 7)
He's a home body,shy,a worrier and a thinker.hates sport.he moved up friendless as his best mate moved away in year 5 and he coasted year 6 a loner
First month he was very quiet and a bit reserved.ovee the summer he started going out older sister and then practising getting to n from school by himself before sept started
He did find that first month hard,then some random kid in his class he had to sit next to in ethics ask him join his friends at lunch and BOOM.everything slotted together.he found his groove and he's doing ok now
It's a horrible wrench watching them flounder in a new environment but he will find his feet and I've discovered the non sporty kids tend quickly locate "others of their kind".my D's loves books and minecraft/lego.hs still does all these things at home
We used lots positive language
"Chance make new friends
Try new things
Etc and still do.sure he's discovered rugby truly is hell in earth but ethics and philosophy is his favourite class he avoids the mad lunch hall,but has a quiet spot he sits with his new friends.he still hasn't wanted contact with them outside of school but we aren't overly worried.he will be ok.our school has a six week review with tutor to address concerns.if your school doesn't operate this policy it's worth asking if you feel he's still really out of his depth at that point.and agree pp about finding who are the pastoral care providers

no major dramas that I have been aware of from his side
I've been pleased with that with year 9 dd and her friends too. I never hear of any fallings out or nastiness.

It's a massive change for them (and us !) when they go to secondary school. Most do cope very well though. He will not be the only child that is nervous and sensitive, although some are better at hiding it than others.

One thing I would say about it is, when I went to secondary is was a tough environment, teachers were not particularly friendly and there wasn't much support if you had any problems. However at my child's secondary school things are very different and it seems to be the case at other schools as well. It's very much geared up to support individual children, huge amount of pastoral care etc. The teachers are much more open with the kids. It just seems much more about keeping the kids happy, sometimes a little too much and I do sometimes think some of the kids use it to their advantage. I think the kids that need the pastoral care, sometimes don't ask for it though as they are often the shy, nervous ones so just make sure that when your son does start at the school that he is aware of where/who to go to if he needs help or just to talk to someone.

Also, most kids change massively in their first year or two at secondary. That's hard to deal with as a parent but is often necessary for the child to get through.

DS is in year 9. At primary he was quiet, nervous, often burst into tears if he couldn't find things, was good at maths and english but quiet. There were only 14 boys in his class including a few strong groups of friends and a few outliers, the outliers stuck out. He went to a big high school and hardly has anything at all to do with the children from his primary school.

His first term was traumatic, getting on the bus, losing his timetable, finding his way round, losing his jacket and PE kit (numerous times), bursting into tears in one class because he forgot his homework. With every new thing, he had a new hurdle to face. His tutor was an angel, kept an eye out for him, had a word with all of his teachers to let them know he was a nervous child and on one occasion emailed me to let me know he was OK when he went to school having no idea what class he was supposed to be in.

He made a few connections in his first few days which he clung to for a while but these were almost all replaced by real friends by January. Sadly at the end of year 7, two out of three of his best friends moved away, I was devastated but he has been fine. He has made new friends, they are a bit like him, a mixture of intellectual levels, he has some friends who play football together, some who he plays with on the XBOX on line, some who play board games when they get together.. some kids have come in and out of his circle but no major dramas that I have been aware of from his side... though I do know some of the other children (girls mostly) have had some challenges..

He has found his tribe, teachers like him and praise him for who he is, which never happened in primary school, he has a range of personalities he seems to show in different classes, from one of the boys who chats and mucks about a bit to completely and utterly engaged. I think all of this is OK, he is trying out his wings and I think his exploration of his social side is an important part of his development which was somewhat restricted in his small primary as there were fewer people to spar with, as it were.

He is happier and quietly confident in himself though still nervous in new situations but altogether, high school has been a good change for him.

It won’t help but, bullying is indiscriminate. I was an extrovert, most confident, loud but smart kid in my class. Was fine until age 13...then it began.

So it’s not just the quiet studious ones ... there’s no guarantee. Your son could very well thrive!

Really feel for you OP. My son is summer born and also very young with it. Not interested in sport at all. Going from a very nurturing small primary environment to a 10 form intake in year 7. He's in year 5 currently and I'm already dreading it. He is left out of so many things but thankfully he's extremely tall so I'm very much hoping the bullies will think twice.

It's hard to know how much to interfere isn't it. Learning how to build a social network, be resilient and handle bullying, they're all going is life skills aren't they.

My ds is in year 7 and I worried about this last year. He is doing very well though. He joined a club every day because he was worried about being on his own and that has really helped. He loves Lego and the school are starting a Lego club this term.

My ds is also starting secondary this year so we may well have the same issues to face! One thing that helped ds at primary was really spending time on and developing his extra-curricular interests, I think it really helped build his confidence and I hope that can go someway to making him less of a target for bullies. He is much more confident now than when he started primary, in fact, dh and I were taking about how his whole first year in nursery was spent walking around the playground playing pretend games by himself and how sorry we used to feel for him when we say him all alone. Good luck with your ds Miracle and at least he knows he has a lovely mum at home to support him, I know that helped me get through the tough years.

Aw how sad he thinks he won't be able to play with Lego. There's a lunchtime Lego club at our high school and it's really popular. I'm sure he'll find like-minded people.

Miracle I was a lot like your ds and so is my ds! I am another one who had a hard time at primary, I was the youngest in the year and a mummy's girl! Didn't know how to deal with the rougher kids at all and just became quite introverted. At high school things were much better, everyone was looking to make friends and I found a load of non-sporty, clever, geeky girls who I got on with brilliantly. Your ds will be fine but if he does have trouble settling then I wouldn't hesitate to raise it with his form tutor, they will have experience of this kind of thing and can help put your ds with similar dcs'. The clubs idea is good too! Your ds sounds really lovely btw

It's tough isn't it. I have to say though something seems to happen when kids start senior school, it's as though they grow up incredibly fast within the space of a few weeks. I bet you'll be amazed at the change and independence he shows. Try not to worry.