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Original poster

Jokes which make you feel a bit clever

138 replies

noblegiraffe · 12/12/2017 20:33

It has been a long term, how about something a bit more light-hearted? I'll start:

Today I couldn't remember the Roman numerals for 51, 6 or 500.
I was LIVID.

Three cats sat on a roof. Which one slid off?
The one with the lowest mew.

Two cats, called OneTwoThree and UnDeuxTrois were having a swimming race across the Channel. Which cat won?
OneTwoThree cat, because UnDeuxTrois cat sank.

OP posts:
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TeenTimesTwo · 16/12/2017 19:52

Should that be 'His face I'll see no more' ? That would make more sense.

TeenTimesTwo · 16/12/2017 19:51

An oldie I learned 40 years ago, but I still enjoy this ditty:

Poor old Brown is dead and gone,
His face shall see no more.
For what he thought was H20,
Was H2SO4. Sad

ScreamingValenta · 16/12/2017 19:48

I know a bank-telling related one, but it isn't very good:

What's the opposite of an ATM-fit note?
A counter-fit note.

loveyouradvice · 16/12/2017 19:39

hello all...loving these... but how about a few more that aren't scientific? Actually a few more of any type but especially these! In bed with flu so enjoying these enormously!

Sadik · 16/12/2017 18:33

I know lots of economist jokes if you want more . . . Grin

allegretto · 16/12/2017 16:29

Sadik - I'm making crackers for my family and that is ideal for my husband, thanks!

Sadik · 16/12/2017 09:15

An economist is someone who doesn't know what they're talking about - and makes you feel it's your fault.

OCSockOrphanage · 15/12/2017 20:48

A mathematician, physicist and logistician go hunting. They see a deer, and fire. The mathematician misses with a shot a bit to the left; the physicist misses by firing to the right. The logistician jumps up and down shouting, 'we got it'.

OCSockOrphanage · 15/12/2017 20:45

A physicist, mathematician and a civil engineer are chatting and get around to simple sums.

What's 1 + 1? is the question.

From the mathematician, the answer is two.

from the physicist, 'it's about 2'

From the civil engineer, 'it's two, but we'll make it 8, to be on the safe side'.

hesterton · 15/12/2017 20:28

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hesterton · 15/12/2017 20:28

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TeenTimesTwo · 15/12/2017 20:21

Thank you. Grin

BikeRunSki · 15/12/2017 20:18

That last post was for Teen.

BikeRunSki · 15/12/2017 20:18

A dozen, a gross, and a score, plus three times the square root of four, divided by seven, plus five times eleven, is nine squared and not a bit more.

TeenTimesTwo · 15/12/2017 20:04

Caglio Translation please Smile

Cagliostro · 15/12/2017 18:50

My favourite limerick :o

Jokes which make you feel a bit clever
Cagliostro · 15/12/2017 18:35

F(x) walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The barman refused. “Sorry sir, we don’t cater for functions”

Cagliostro · 15/12/2017 18:34

When I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were having an affair, I was like “OMg!”

ScreamingValenta · 15/12/2017 18:14

kitnkaboodle I don't often guffaw but I did at this one! Brilliant!

JamieLannisterToMyBedchamber · 15/12/2017 18:11

Language one, doesn't work well in print, say it aloud:

What comes between fear and sex?

fünf

OutToGetYou · 15/12/2017 15:05

Which common plant in the UK can kill you by just standing under it for ten minutes?

A waterlily.

BikeRunSki · 15/12/2017 12:03

My DS has just done Roman Numerals. He loved LIVID!

user789653241 · 15/12/2017 11:00

LIVID is awesome. Now I never forget 51/6/500.
Ds is doing roman numerals at school at the moment. Watching him doing his homework, livid ....livid....livid...kept coming into my head.

BlackeyedSusan · 15/12/2017 10:52

what do you do with a sick chemist?

helium and curium

what do you do with a dead chemist?

barium.

kitnkaboodle · 15/12/2017 09:07

"Hello - is that the cattery? It's Schroedinger here. I just wondered how Fluffy was doing?"
"Ah - well ... we've got good news and bad news ..."

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