How much involvement do you have in 12 year old’s homework?

I helped when they asked for it. Eg when they started French l helped until they got going ..with my rusty school French. But l dont agree that if you cant help them later dont start. Most learning is built on steps and if you help them put in a step now eg in maths it means they have solid foundation. I just said come to me if you need help. My ds got me to hear out history and geography facts which really helped for tests. It was a big bonding thing between us and didnt make him less responsible. Actually teaches him its ok to ask for help. He is now at university and l hear him saying l popped over to friend and we worked together on stuff so its a good thing.
But if you are not comfortable doing it l wouldnt worry about that either.

Also, because her targets are set high, she is getting "could do better" type comments for subjects she's never done before. It seems really ridiculous that because she's reasonably good at maths, she's expected to be great at drama for example.

We are the same! Great SATs but now he's expected exceeding expectations in RE, art, dance etc. Bless him, but they are not his strong areas....

Also, my DT's maths homework is beyond me now, so have to check with my nephews (who fortunately have ALevel Maths).

I agree aracena help and gradually back off is right. We probably all helped our children to learn to read, and to learn their times tables. None of us want to help with degree level work. So the debate is how quickly to back off. Some children learn to be independent in juniors, others need the scaffolding and support all the way to GCSEs.

I think the approach people are suggesting of giving help and backing off gradually is the best. They do need to learn independence. The problem is that failing can be so disheartening for some young people...also I have my own experience of doing very well at school and being highly motivated but this was partly because my parents (both teachers) supported me massively at secondary school with my work: helping me learn for exams, structure essays and discuss topics to help extend my ideas.

I now teach in a sixth form college and know that students need to learn independence but my Y8 12 year old doesn’t have this at all. I recognise myself micro-managing his homework and although I know I am going to have to back-off a bit I also hope I am teaching him and giving him the support a tutor might. However, I do worry he will either a) reject my help soon in a sulky-teenager kind of way or b) crash and burn later on when I can’t help him as much...The difference between my parents helping me and me helping DS is that my parents’ help was in addition to lots of work I did by myself but DS only really works with me...how to encourage that independence is an issue for me but doesn’t sound like you have the problem OP. So maybe give a bit of help in the subjects he’s struggled with to check he's on the right lines and then withdraw again unless he needs more help?

I never help my son but i disagree that helping definitely equals better results. Unless i will be able to help my son with honours maths, chemistry, physics when he's doing his leaving then there's no long term benefit to me helping him while i still can.

My DS1 has also started just started yr7.
I hardly helped at all with hw in primary school - he was at a prep so used to get a decent amount of hw.
However now, depending on the subject, I do help. He’s not really ones to stretch himself and just write the first thing that comes to his head and just think ‘job done!’.
So he had some Geography hw on globalisation which he def needed helps with. Other than that I just check he’s not done annoying stuff like not write his name on it and make sure it’s tidyish. And that’s he’s actually followed the instructions properly.
I should add that my DS is diagnosed with ADD so I need to be involved to some extent.

None whatsoever for year 7 and 8. Year 7 is at boarding school but have not looked at his homework since about year 4. He is very bright and self motivated though. Dd1 does most of her homework in the library at school or in her bedroom.

Ds2 on the other hand is in year 5 and still needs lots of help, so I suspect he will need support in y7 unless he changes a lot. Dd2 is 8 and is like her older siblings, she needs very little help, although I still look at what she does to ensure it's neat.

DD1 (dyspraxic) needed help throughout secondary and 1-1 revision for most of her GCSEs.

DD2 (not dyspraxic but low ability) I am varying between monitoring for some homeworks, to encouragement, to help depending on the subject. If she can get 1-1 support from me now it will stand her in good stead for the GCSE years.

Neither of my children will do A levels (unless DD2 surprises me). I will do my best to ensure they both get 5 GCSE incl English and Maths. Because that is the magic boundary for many further courses and jobs. Succeeded with DD1, DD2 is a work in progress.

Depends on the child and their needs.

^^ That. Precisely.
12yo DD needed to recount her daily social life. She also sometimes liked someone to quiz her on vocab. Very little other support required.

12yo DS1: refused to do any homework, that was that, we had other worries.

12yo DS2: wanted to do h/w but boy needed lots of help organising self & other handholding.

I just ask if she has any then tell her to get on with it - if I didn’t, I think she’d forget to do some or all of it. I haven’t helped her (yet) because she hasn’t asked me. I would help if she asked, however I do think it’s better to leave her to it then if she gets things wrong her teachers can see her areas of weakness. She’s yr 7, at a supposed academic ‘hot house’ school but gets 20 mins at the most per night so it’s not an overwhelming amount and nowhere near the amount that some of her friends at other schools are getting.

I have quite a bit of input for various reasons.

One of them is that because dd did well in her SATS, her targets were set really high. And they give them three levels of hw according to that. So sometimes she's expected to do three times the amount of hw as some of her friends. She's really struggling to do it.

Also, because her targets are set high, she is getting "could do better" type comments for subjects she's never done before. It seems really ridiculous that because she's reasonably good at maths, she's expected to be great at drama for example.

I only help if it's asked for I do print out bits if needed as I'm the only one with a pc attached to our printer and sometimes dh helps with maths but we don't actually do the work. What's the point in that. We can't go into the gcse for them.

I agree. I tend to say that I'm interested in what they are doing and I try to be really positive and not nit pick about things. However they do know I will look and so I will know if test results were poor or work just hasn't been done.....and this kind of thing is really rare.

I think generally that asking to see some homework because it sounds interesting is much more productive than 'I'm going to check your homework'

OP, do you do a periodic check/look at the ex books?
I think simply being told everything is fine and understood isn't quite enough - parents need to see it too. So every couple of weeks I will have a flick through the books - I can see if the work looks completed, what the comments on it are like etc.
And I will pick DC up if I think it looks shoddy or poorly presented or the sheets are all loose and not stuck in or work is unfinished and teacher has asked it to be completed and it hasn't. Obviously none of this is popular, but as it's the norm in our house DC accept it with a. But if low level grumbling.
In my view, reserving the right to look at school work is like reserving the right to look at their phones - simply non-negotiables. Even if it's not popular parents do need to keep a handle on what's going on, but don't need to micro manage.

Kingscote, excellent post about practical help and supplies and setting up routines for work. It makes a big difference.
I think it does help to do homework somewhere like a kitchen table - that way, it's possible to see work is being done while drifting in and out of the room making dinner or whatever, without micro
Managing it and watching over their shoulders.

I am around while homework is happening and DC know they can ask if stuck or needing practical help with paper, printers etc. It's good for them to know help is available if needed without it being imposed.

And I also think it's good for the children to know that you sometimes will look at their homework (and books in general) - it shows an interest, it keeps you as parents informed about what they are studying and how they are doing, and a bit of an incentive of a parent looking occasionally (not all the time) is useful.

So I would say there is a big difference from micro managing and checking (or actually doing their work) and being totally hands off. Neither extreme is good. Some input, especially if they get stuck in terms of organisation etc really helps.

And yes to helping with longer term projects about time management and also if you have a really busy week of evenings which means they might not be able to do every homework on the night it is set - helping them to learn to prioritise really helps.

Year 7 especially the first term I helped quite a lot. Subjects like history are very different between primary and secondary and kids have to learn how to think and analyse rather than just write facts. English and science are also quite a step up. As he’s got older (now Year 9) I rarely get involved, although we do have some quite good discussions now about various things he’s studying.

Battered, that sounds just like my DD

P.s DD is now in Y8

My involvement is limited to a pecuniary one. In Y6 my involvement was limited to praise when she gets a good result and suggestion she practice what she got wrong and helping her work out how/why it was wrong. My main role is paying for stationary, being the printer ink and paper fairy, paying for ingredients and materials for Home Ec and DT. DD even has to buy the food herself in the supermarket on the way home and then I reimburse her. I am mean sometimes .

I help my dd if she asks me to. I regularly ask her if she needs help but she gets it done on her own and knows she can come to me if she needs to - which is rare.
I think once in secondary school they need to take most of the responsibility themselves.