Dd is 17 and is in Yr 13. She is a bright girl, in that she gets As and Bs for her course work, but she completely tanked her AS and end of year exams in Yr 12 - she got two Us and an E. She did revise for them, but clearly not effectively. Her results were a big shock for her and for us and we had many discussions, rows and tears. She felt that we had been too hard on her (although she has very few limitations on what she does, she has a wide circle of friends and socialises and goes to gigs more or less whenever she wants). We agreed to change our behaviour, which effectively means that we must not mention studying, exams, university, the future or suggest that she might have the balance between her social life and school work wrong. She assured us she was perfectly aware that she needed to work hard and that she was doing a lot of work in her free periods at school and at home.
However, nothing seems to have changed. She has an important test the first day she goes back to school after half-term, which will determine one of her predicted grades, but the pattern of her days this holiday runs something like: wake up between 9 - 10am, watch youtube, text, instragram, whatsapp etc for another hour or so on her phone, get up, watch TV until hungry, make breakfast, get ready, back on the phone, do a bit of work (but not every day and she has a video playing on her phone at the same time and is also texting etc. This was something I asked her not to do when she was revising last year, but she said it helped her study), then back to watching youtube, instagramming etc etc full-time until dinner, then same again after dinner until bed, between 10 - 12. On school days she gets back, and straight into tv, youtube etc, with maybe an hours' work slotted in before bed.
Is this typical behaviour? The shock of her results seems to have worn off and she has gone back to her old ways. We have tried to talk with her a couple of times, but it results in rudeness, stroppiness, big sighs of "I know" and point blank no attempt to engage with what we are worried about. Her bedroom is an absolute tip, clothes everywhere but again, there is the stropping about if we mention it.
Reading this back she sounds like a complete spoilt brat with a couple of wet lettuces for parents, but she isn't like that really and we are not walk-overs either! However, we don't know what to do for best. Do we just let her carry on as she is and hope it turns out ok? How do we learn to turn a blind eye and not say anything? Do we need to be more strict? Has anyone been through this same situation and how did it turn out in the end?
Thank you for reading and any tips and advice would be very welcome.