Not rich kid in private secondary

I have never hot housed my children, I am proud to say I've never owned a flash card in my life.
But mini you're right my choice of words: "unmotivated and uninvolved" was totally inappropriate and incorrect I who've worked with disadvantaged much of my working life should know better. I incorrectly extrapolated it from your comments "support/tutoring".
Some of the "big name" who are trying to move to needs blind entry point have yr 9 entry point, this obviously doesn't work well for those in the state sector. Secondly the registration/admissions process often requires knowledge and organisation on the part of parents, this is often provided by prep schools and other parents at prep schools. For those who are unfamiliar with this world it must seem like a different planet in comparison with the admissions process in state ed.

That's ok . In short : I think a not rich kid on a bursary should be fine .Some schools pay for all the expenses . This answers the question.
I don't think he would be treated badly , not worse than anywhere else.

Zzzz I just mean people can be mean everywhere and there's snobs everywhere. There where snobs when my children where at state school too . The end of terraces houses people would not speak to those in the middle for example - many people would not speak to foreigners or those who lived on council estates ...
That's what I mean , there's idiots everywhere.

Some private schools will pay for trips etc too .
My children have been friends with children who received bursaries .
Yes if the word comes out some children might say something mean - but isn't that everywhere ? Overall I think it was great the children got the chance to have an excellent education ( and good friendships , like with my kids :-)). I'm very much in favour of bursaries .

"But you are right those who are less bright with uninvolved and unmotivated parents"

There's a real enthusiasm on mumsnet to label those parents who aren't hothousing/tutoring/sitting their children down for daily maths practice as 'uninvolved' and 'unmotivated'.

Can I suggest a couple of other things that can impact on a parent's ability to push a bright children? When that child has siblings with complex needs, or the parents are physically or emotionally unwell, or working very long hours to sustain the family, or have heavy caring responsibilities for other family members, or struggling with ADD or dyslexia.

I'm sure it's really not the case that the majority of parents are 'uninterested' and 'unsupportive'.

"I accept that this is unfair but for those who are lucky enough to benefit from a bursary it can depending on the school be a pretty amazing once in a life time opportunity and therefore why shouldn’t they take advantage of it if it’s offered?"

Parents will do what they think is best for their children, and that's as it should be.

But the government has got to start expecting private schools to actually start making a difference to the children most in need of their charity in order to defend their charitable status. The children most in need of the largesse of educational charities are those children who are failing educationally, not those who are already at the top of the pile in terms of educational attainment.

Ok most.

I accept that many bursaries are fairly small and are basically give a helping hand to the wealthy middle classes.
But a few (often the big name schools because they have the money/assets to do it) are genuinely trying to move towards a needs blind admissions policy.

mini as in the user name minifingerz hence the bold!

zzzzz that post was replying to a poster named mini, not about small bursaries

My godfather paid for my sixth form and my parents said it was hard as the social activities with friends were expensive too. Meeting up on sat for pizza etc, and clothes all adds up. BUT.... I think it was 100% worth it. I honestly believe it opens up doors, quite often people reviewing CVs in 'those kinds of jobs' do recognise the secondary schools and select for for interviews.

mini bursaries ensure pupils can come from homes with a wide range of financial backgrounds not just the very wealthy. But you are right those who are less bright with uninvolved and unmotivated parents, are unlikely to get one. I accept that this is unfair but for those who are lucky enough to benefit from a bursary it can depending on the school be a pretty amazing once in a life time opportunity and therefore why shouldn’t they take advantage of it if it’s offered?

My DC is a boarder. We are badly off. The other boarders are from wealthy families. She's fine with it. One thing I really like about the school is that there are very few extras. There are school trips, but the school does try to keep the cost down. And lots of children don't go on the expensive trips.

"but the whole point of bursaries (particularly at schools with huge funds for them) is to ensure a mix of backgrounds amongst the pupils."

There won't be a mix of backgrounds however many bursaries the school hands out, because they're only ever given to bright kids with highly involved and motivated parents. That means a whole swathe of the normal population will be missing. That's part of the reason why people like private schools, because they don't admit the 90% of kids who make up most state school intakes, namely those children who have neither money nor the ability/support/tutoring to do exceptionally well in entrance exams.

Nobody should kid themselves that ANY private school has an intake of children that is even remotely representative of the UK demographic.

Also, kids in secondary have independent social lives, so your family trappings are to a large extent unknown, and not of great interest.

My son comes home with a few stories about the more fantastically wealthy children e.g. the ones who mysteriously have pre-release Iphones (not sure if that's true) or make their way home to Moscow or Hong Kong on private jets at exeat, but the fact that he finds it so amusing is a reflection of the fact that it's exceptional.

My DS age 9 is at an expensive private school on bursary. There are some huge differences between him and the other kids lifestyles but he is friends with a lovely little group of boys who just run about playing football.

I've had to explain why he doesn't get an iPhone 8 at 9 years old, why he has to wait for his birthday to get a hoverboard, why he doesn't have a mini fridge in his bedroom, and why his mum has a job.

There is only one kid in his year who says 'I'm richer than you' and so on. He is richer- his dad is a very dangerous/ powerful Russian man.

On the plus side he is in accelerated group's for all of his subjects, he has specialist music and sport lessons from inspirational teachers, and absolutely loves school.

I ask DS frequently if he's happy and wants to change schools. He says no.

It really doesn't matter.

My oldest is at an ancient public school and it's exceptionally diverse, culturally and economically.

My ds attends a very well known boys independent and gets financial support to attend. We are not wealthy at all and have not discolsed to him the support he gets. We made it very clear to him he will not be going on foreign trips with the school due to cost and not wanting him to travel abroad without us (yet!). He doesn't seem bothered at all. He is so in love and very overwhelmed with the grounds, new friends and subjects, by this half term he was relieved to be at home and said he wouldn't like to go on foreign school trips in his half terms (which is when his school takes theirs). At my ds school only a very few go on the skiing trips etc. My son has never been made to feel 'poor' or as though he is missing out.
Nowadays more and more private schools are trying to support more students with bursaries and imo it's more the parents who worry about their child feeling left out due to lack of funds. The majority of parents are working professionals, who put their child's education as first priority, leaving little else for flash cars etc.
My advise: try for a bursary and see what happens! If the school is amazing, I would give it a shot and also look into any grammars, semi selectives in your area- if you haven't already x