AIBU to feel my bullied child was punished instead of the bully

The op's DD kicked back at the girl who went for her. No-one knows what verbal exchanges there were. This is why the school needs to (must) investigate.

I can assure you the Police won't be very interested. These matters are normally for the schools to deal with. Go to the Police by all means, but I can guess what they will say. As I have said, the school has policies and sanctions to deal with this behaviour. They need to establish the facts and this will inform what they do next. The Police would have to do the same but they won't want to. Age has nothing to do with it. On school premises, it is primarily a school matter. Do you think every event like this is investigated by the police? Age of responsibility is not the key issue here.

No one here knows the full details. The OP doesn’t know the full details either really because she wasn’t there, so I don’t think anyone can really judge whether it was an assault or a fight.

It wasn't a fight it was an arrack! No reasonable person attacks another in this manner and I would assume this girl has form. It won't be healer first offience

To call it a fight suggests both parties had previous interactions which they didn't.

And it's not 'clear' it's a matter for the school the girl is above the age of responsibility and therefore it's a police matter.

One incident which was a fight is not systematic bullying. The school should deal with the incident but referring through the Safeguarding procedures would be very heavy handed at this stage. The school must deal with bullying and get to the bottom of what happened and try and prevent it happening again, but at the moment, the issue as reported to us is not Safeguarding. If all such first (and hopefully one and only) incidents were reported to social services and the Safeguarding team, there would be chaos. The guidance makes it clear this is a matter for the school and they should deal with it according to their policies. It should not be referred upwards to the Safeguarding team at present unless the school really cannot deal with the perpetrator. In that case, if there is evidence, they can exclude the girl.

No School can guarantee absolute safety for anyone but they must do their best to ensure this behaviour is stopped. So working with them is best. You cannot expect a child to be permanently excluded before you let your child go back. There needs to be dialogue regarding how to avoid escalation of this.

I would keep her out of school until they can guarantee her safety. My daughter used physical violence to get out of a situation in primary school (yr 6) where a much bigger girl had her in a head lock. The school were amazingly supportive and my daughter wasn't reprimanded at all. I am shocked the school took so long to respond to you as well.
I would always stand by my daughter if she used whatever means she needed to protect herself.

It is safeguarding for both children.

http://www.wakefield.gov.uk/Documents/schools-children/safeguarding/schools/example-safeguarding-policy.doc

Section 7 of the SAFEGUARSING POLICY is peer on peer abuse.

Safeguarding is protecting children from harm. The OP’s DD has been harmed.

It is not safeguarding.

How is this not a safeguarding issue when the OPs dd was assaulted

And absolutely put it on SM if it gets results. People do it all the time and it absolutely sux that this seems to be the only way to get attention now but it's the way the world is moving.

Tbh the police would have been my first port of call. Nowhere else would being assaulted be ignored.

Your poor dd.

It is safeguarding. There is now a peer on peer safeguarding policy because assault of a peer is classed as abuse.

Bad blood!!!

First of all, this is not a Safeguarding issue. It is about discipline and behaviour. The behaviour and sanctions policy should indicate what punishment might ensue if you actually hurt another child. Read all this before you see the Head. It should be in your handbook or on their web site.

If a child is sent home pending investigation of an incident, but a parent is not available, the child will be isolated until a parent can turn up. This does not mean the incident is not being investigated. When you see the Head, ask how the investigation is proceeding and when will they be seeing your DD for her evidence. Make absolutely sure this is happening. Apologise for any Facebook posting as it is not helpful. You need to establish if there is bad bliss between your DD and the assailant and make sure your DD knows who else was there to give evidence and also the 6th form boy. What member of staff was told about the fight? Surely some adult was informed?

Lastly, get your DD to take her earrings out.

You don’t actually know that the Headteacher was ignoring the call. That was the assumption made. This could have been one of several problems going on and was the smallest of the issues. I’m not excusing it but it’s nothing like as immature and ridiculous as putting something on Facebook.

It is both when you consider that they are avoiding them in order to not have to deal with the situation.

And there could also be history?

different
No, ignoring the calls is unprofessional not immature. Social media is never the answer. She now has passive aggressive comments on there and it’s stirring everything up and making it worse.

Out of interest I would like to know if the girl who pulled her off the bench was also in her Year (I’m assuming Year 8) or if this was someone in an older year. Just from having worked in secondaries for so long I’m finding it hard to imagine a younger student not immediately doing what an older student asked. Whereas if it’s someone in her own Year I can imagine it, and it makes things more difficult because she will be in the same lessons.

Massive difference between schools within the same LA. Notably in my case a difference between state maintained and academies. Also between 'areas' and expectations of schools of behaviour from their cohort.
The school ds was assaulted at had a huge bullying problem and general behaviour problem and they punished less severely than his current school does for more minor infractions.

@BoneyBackJefferson that’s shocking. I was assaulted, and it wasn’t serious, and the child didn’t have much previous, but the head decided to PEX almost immediately. So it does happen but I guess varies between schools and LAs which is worrying.

ASauvignonADay
Why do you say that boney?

Because I have been assaulted, my friends have been assaulted and colleagues have been assaulted and the response has been on a scale from nothing to PEX.

and the PEX was after a long, long list of assaults and issues.

because it’s really immature? So is ignoring the calls of a parent whose child has been attacked...

Why do you say that boney? The two times a child assaulted an adult at my school whilst I’ve been here have been PEXed. One was against me.

Piece that's not easy when the child is too anxious to attend school. The school should as a minimum be telling the DD what they are doing to keep them safe.
In my ds case I just kept being told " well pupil is excluded for 2 days so isn't there".
Great - so 2 days of anxiety getting more anxious about their return. Not knowing what other students may or may not say about the situation and not knowing who to go to when anxious.

Imo the effect on victims is downplayed still to far to much of an extent. The police refer to victim support for common assault and so to expect a child to 'just get over it and come in' is totally ridiculous.

As in my DD should not be the one missing out on school

Which is why I would have gone in and demanded it be sorted