Girls schools - good for grades, terrible for mental health?

If after reading all these different views you're still not sure what's best for your DD, OP, it may be that your gut is telling you the coed/all girls choice just isn't a key factor for her. That's what we essentially decided for ours: we chose the school on other factors. Sometimes, too, having trouble choosing between schools indicates that they have a roughly equal chance of being fine, so that the choice just isn't very important. Sometimes my nn is apt :-)

I my experience pressure on girls to look good is to impress their girl peers and not the boys

I think it depends on the school and the year group.

I know of people who have had major problems with bullying and nastiness in a fee-paying girls' school, and in a co-ed comp - both boys and girls involved in bullying.

DD goes to a girls' grammar and has made lovely friends. The school deals with any bullying well - but tbh there have been hardly any issues.

I don't buy the problem with single sex schools being that society isn't single sex.

Society isn't spending 6 hours a day with people the same age as you either!

It totally depends on the child and on the school. You can look at the DfE performance tables to check progress/attainment of all pupils/boys/girls at your local schools.

The main thing that girls' schools have going for them imho is that they're one of the few (maybe only?) institutions that are set up around the needs of girls or women.

DD went to an all girls grammar, it was excellent, didn't seem to be rife with 'bitchiness' (nasty sexist term, that) or MH problems. OTOH there's a private girls' school in the area we wouldn't have touched with a bargepole.

As with all schools, you need to look at each separately, how it might suit your child

I don't see how this question can be answered without resorting to anecdote and stereo-typing.

If anyone's interested in my personal anecdote, I went to an all-girls secondary and loathed it. I was a geek, interested in sci-fi, gaming, coding, graphic novels etc etc. Remember this was back in the 90s when all these interests were pretty niche anyway. I was labelled as being a freak, for having interests that didn't fit in with what the alpha girls deemed "normal". Added to that, I was overweight. I was "Fat Freak" shortened to F-squared for more years than I care to recall. I developed an eating disorder and also self-harmed mildly. The staff preferred the plaster-on-an-amputation approach and brushed everything under the carpet. "Nothing to see here, except our results!"

All this only ended when I went to a co-ed sixth form, and suddenly realised that I was not a freak, and my interests were not at all niche - they were just interests that had a predominantly male following! I found my group (90% male) and found my self-confidence. If I had gone to a co-ed secondary, I would not have had to endure the bullying I did, because I would have been able to retreat to male friendships.

I now am quite senior in a male-dominated field, and I can categorically say that I am here IN SPITE of my all-girls education, not because of it as generalised upthread (I've noticed that a disproportionate number of "successful" women went to girls schools - balderdash!)

I am equally against all-boys schools, having seen first-hand the misogynistic mindset that the boys develop there over their formative years. All my children go to co-ed schools and are thriving in mixed friendship groups. Life is not co-ed, as succinctly put by a PP.

But, at the end of the day, you must choose the school that's right for your own child. No single person's anecdote can make that decision for you.

I didn't really enjoy my single sex school and now prefer the mixed comp I work in (though I know it's different being a teacher than a student!) As a lot of posters have said, really depends on child and school. One thing I would say is that if she does go single sex, aim for some extra curricular activities where she can mix socially with boys - I did scouts and made some great male friends there.

I went to an all girls school, loved it. Lived with those girls 24/7 in term time and we are still close 20+ years later. They know me better than my own family!
No issues making male friends in university either.
My school had good pastoral care though and was pretty inclusive to varying abilities, loads of drama/sport/music/technology alongside the more academic subjects

My own dc's have spent far more time worrying about the opposite sex than I ever did (they are in coed)

ujerney - but you're not comparing like with like? Not all girls schools are high performing - and it could be the pressure to perform causing friendship issues, rather than the all-girls environment. And just because girls are academic doesn't make them all Alpha females. And not all independent schools are the same, as all state schools are not the same.
As others have said - you have to find the right school for each individual, and that needs to take account of the school ethos and atmosphere, support networks etc, not just the academic performance, or whether it's single sex.

I am a huge fan of co-ed schools despite having gone to a girls school where I was happy. My friends with girls at very high performing independent girls schools are having much bigger friendship issues than those at co-ed schools. There are issues amongst girls in all the schools, but it certainly seems much more intense at schools which are dominated by alpha females than at those where there's a broader mix of girls. It's always going to entirely depend on the cohort but certainly what I'm seeing at the girls schools is pretty much a mirror image of some of the vile behaviour which went on at my leading girls school. A friend of mine works a job share at a highly selective girls independent and a co-ed less high performing independent and she said that the social issues at the girls school are on a different scale to the ones at the co-ed. She feels it's mainly the competitive nature of many of the girls and the drive to be the best, prettiest, most popular and the leader which is more diluted in the other school.

I went to an all girls school and it was great! While there were many girls with mental health problems I wouldn't say there were any more than in the coed schools where I knew people, the girls at my school where just much more open about it (which also meant that they were more likely to get help). There was of course bitchiness because teenage girls but it was also quite a supportive, non-judgemental environment in sone ways. The best thing about it is that there wasn't any pressure to 'grow up' too quickly. No bodu called you a looser if you didn't make out with boys on the weekend or if you never even kissed anyone at all etc.

Oops posted too early:

I also happen to agree with this: Personally I'm not a fan of single sex education because society isn't single sex.

I went to girls grammar myself and had a good time there, but did feel awkward around boys at uni later for quite some time.

Re: eating disorders/mental health - I was oblivious to those while at school, as I was in a happy geek niche, but as I finished, I discovered there were actually quite a few issues, which at the time felt like they were swept under the carpet a bit by the school.

Friends' daughter attended a (different) girls school as well and there was an underlying culture of maintaining pretty appearance there at all costs - her self-esteem improved dramatically once my friend transferred her to the local co-ed.

I know for sure I won't send DS to local boys grammar as the sexist, chauvinistic undertones most of them seem to develop there are frankly scary - I've dealt with a few of their graduates now, both at uni and at work... and, no thanks.

Conversely, there are other boys schools around town (that we are not in zone for, sadly) that seem to consistently produce good graduates.

So yes, check school, relate its culture to child and enrol accordingly. Good luck!

I had an active social life outside school which meant I didn't have to worry about the lack of males at school.

I never had a problem mixing with males later in life. I settled into Poly very well (yes I am that old). I think going to an all-girls school gave me confidence in my own abilities as a person, not as a girl. I too studied physics and maths at A level - because I enjoyed them and they were on the curriculum - just like art and music and English (but I didn't like those). I was amazed when I go to Poly how many people told me I couldn't have maths and physics A levels because they were male subjects!! This was from men and women

We're going through similar decisions at the moment and I have to say that this BBC article today here makes single sex sound attractive...

I have heard an ed. psychologist say that eating disorders stem more frequently from the family background/unresolved MH than schools. It just happens that girls who are pushed very hard to succeed during childhood by parents end up at highly academic girls schools, whether it suits them or not.

I am a fan of girls schools only because the pressure to look good is less but I would encourage these girls to do mixed activities outside school.

Agree with PP, depends on the school and child.

I also agree with this statement:

these little slappers

Nice way to talk about children.

I went to a single sex girls' school and loathed it. There was an Indy here that we could have sent our daughters to but they went instead to a co-ed state grammar as DH and I both wanted that (and we couldn't afford the Indy).

Their relationships with boys are so much healthier than mine were. Their friendship groups are wide and mixed gender Both have studied science A levels and both doing/have done really well. There is a little bit of bitchiness but not really in their groups and I have no regrets at all. I have done bits of work in the Indy girls' school and hated the bitching and flirting with the sole male teacher (poor chap was not remotely interested but these little slappers would not relent)

Was just talking about this earlier. DD is very bright and her school have suggested she try for the local girls grammar, there is also a highly rated girls comp and two co eds, again very good, which we are in the catchment area for.

The grammar is very high pressure, she loves learning and enjoys school. I don't want her to lose that.

Over the years, I've heard worrying things about how the girls comp handles bullying. Obv these are anecdotal and it's been interesting to hear the positive aspects of single sex ed.

The co-eds are good but have very variable catchment areas and some resulting issues. Not sure if she'll be encouraged to reach her potential.

As to the negative aspects of boys in the classroom, DD has three brothers so is used to holding her own. Also, much as I wish this was untrue, she'll have to learn to deal with men in the big wide world. Is it not better to learn to handle the negative stuff with the support of school and home, rather than at uni?

DS1's boys school takes in girls for 6th form

This is IMO the worst of all possible worlds. It puts the focus onto boy/girl relationships at just the worst time.

I went to an all girls secondary.

There was a little bitchiness in 6th form but it was restricted to one group and they were easily avoided. One person with an eating disorder out of 100 of us.

The benefits of not having boys there were massive with hindsight. No worrying about how you looked (much less anyway). No reapplying of make up in the loos. We were all very unglamorous despite this being in London. No having to have an ex in your class or deal with the fallout from a breakup. No competition over who's been asked out by whom. No being "rated" on your looks by the boys (ugh).

And far more girls taking STEM subjects (I did maths and physics A levels - don't know if I would have at a mixed school knowing my class would be mostly male)

Agree with that statement too - I know its a very big generalisation but my DD s have found fewer sexist attitudes among guys from co ed schools

And just to add it isn't just a girls problem, DS1's boys school takes in girls for 6th form. The fallout amongst some of the boys who have been friends since they started at 7 years old has been crazy and its all down to trying to ingratiate themselves with the girls. Some of them have no more idea how to communicate with a girl than they would know how to communicate with a different species. I apreciate they have 2 years to practice before going into the world but in some cases I don't think it will be anywhere near enough.

Being single sex or mixed sex isn't the only characteristic of the school. You need to look at the whole picture and which school is the best fit for your child.

My dd went to a girls school that had very good pastoral care and a postitive environment. I attribute this to good managment including an excellent head.