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Original poster

Was this teacher joking or being unkind?

41 replies

youarenotkiddingme · 25/09/2017 18:15

DS (13) is very anxious (has ASD) and struggles with some aspects of school.

He also seems to have difficulties with some teachers which I know is common as some people don't fully 'get' ASD.

One teacher DS has had issues with repeatedly this term pointed a ruler at him today and said "someone annoying is at the end of this ruler"

DS responded cheekily and she wasn't happy about it but then told him he would be let off detention because she didn't want to stay behind at the end of the day.

Personally I think she knows she was out of order and as his keyworker has already had to have words about her following his behaviour plan she was saving face.

DS just says she finds him annoying and doesn't really like him. I get she may feel that way. (She should be subtle about it though!)
I want to know what others think because I'm not sure whether to see if anything develops or intervene before it goes too far?

Any POV gratefully received.

OP posts:
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MumBod · 27/09/2017 10:01

She sounds like a prick.

2014newme · 27/09/2017 09:41

At my school the ruler would have been chucked at you by the teacher!

Lily2007 · 27/09/2017 09:05

I would guess it wasn't a joke by her reaction. I would guess he had been doing something she found annoying that's why she did it.

Hard to be sure though but I have a y6 Aspergers and some teachers don't get it though at primary they now all do. I would just monitor though if you get chance to have a quick chat with her it may help. I find its only the odd teacher who enjoys being nasty, only came across one like that, the rest its more a case of they don't know what to do so they often appreciate knowing what works and what doesn't. I don't think she will be nasty, it sounds like he's making a few comments she doesn't appreciate. Mine does very blunt comments at times like I can't believe how stupid this mother is within earshot of said mother. If you had a chat you could maybe find out what she has an issue with and encourage him to lessen that.

Other way is do you know someone else in the class who can give an independent view of what's happening.

Original poster
youarenotkiddingme · 26/09/2017 22:22

I'm not worried about how she dealt with it: DS likes humour and it works for him. But the humour was a piss take of him which he was expected to take and not joke back.

That is not ok. That's just taking the piss. The asd is a red herring in that scenario because that Luke be unfair on any student.

I know he's not getting along with this teacher. But they are stuck with each other and his keyworker intervenes if needs be.

I will monitor and if things don't improve or get worse I'll ring her.

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TansyVioletta · 26/09/2017 20:29

I would still approach it by asking how he is getting on in class to open up the conversation though rather than starting by criticising how she is dealing with him. You could drop what you think works with him later on in rhe conversation

TansyVioletta · 26/09/2017 20:23

Oh dear. It does sound like teasing him is the wrong approach and she needs to just be straight with him like you said would work. Could you say that to her? Just a bit concerned things might escalate

Original poster
youarenotkiddingme · 26/09/2017 20:13

They were doing a worksheet based on the experiment they'd just done and ds decided to tell her he knew some facts on one of the things they'd studied.

I can imagine he started a monologue! Fair enough - it can be very annoying but he does respond to people saying he's talked enough and it's someone else's turn!

OP posts:
TansyVioletta · 26/09/2017 19:41

Does he know what he was doing that she was finding annoying? If not he might struggle to stop doing whatever it is. Could you contact her and ask how he is getting on in class to try and shed some light on what's going on? It might help resolve things if you have a chat about it.

Original poster
youarenotkiddingme · 26/09/2017 19:31

Ds has said before she made the quip about not wanting to stay behind she told him not to be a smart mouth.

I've just told him to keep his head down and next time she makes a comment that is unkind - whether or not he thinks she's joking or not - then he's to say to her please not to make fun of him in front of the class.

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noblegiraffe · 26/09/2017 17:13

If she did give him a detention then the situation would have been clear-cut teacher being a cow. But because she didn't, (a teacher who was really pissed off would surely have set it for another day) it's still possible the whole thing was jokey and your DS misinterpreted.

Original poster
youarenotkiddingme · 26/09/2017 17:03

That's exactly it voice. Big difference between teasing which is a 2 way thing (banter) and her making comments to tease him in front of class and expecting him to take it just because he's the pupil.

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Voice0fReason · 25/09/2017 22:26

Can teachers not even use gentle teasing these days?
When teasing can only go one-way from the teacher to the child, then it's not really gentle. If it is truly gentle then he shouldn't get told off for teasing back.

Original poster
youarenotkiddingme · 25/09/2017 22:20

Ollenus the teacher started the interaction with her joke - or what ds to took to be a joke and he responded that way.

The way she reacted to his response made him confused as to him she seemed annoyed.

To me her response could have been a joke or genuinely annoyed at him and I can't be clear because of previous interactions.

Much easier to ask people what they think.

I'm not going to do anything but I'll keep a further eye on the situation.

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opheliacat · 25/09/2017 22:12

Sorry, cat walked on the tablet and posted that!

DS responded with humour
Teacher took offence?

fuck off, cat

opheliacat · 25/09/2017 22:11

I read it as

Teacher calls DS annoying. This may have been a joke, intended affectionately

OlennasWimple · 25/09/2017 22:09

What do you mean, opheliacat? I meant that if OP's DS can make a joke about not being clear who was the idiot in the scenario (him or the teacher), she can make a joke about "lucky I dont' want to stay behind tonight to supervise detention"

opheliacat · 25/09/2017 22:04

It is the other way round, surely Olennas?

OlennasWimple · 25/09/2017 22:01

Hmm, either DS was saying it as a joke in which case the teacher was entitled to continue the jokey conversation; OR DS was being genuinely rude to her, in which case he was lucky not to get a detention. He can't really have it both ways, surely? He can joke with her, but she can't joke back?

opheliacat · 25/09/2017 21:56

I think if it was meant affectionately she'd have laughed when he sakd "which end?"

Original poster
youarenotkiddingme · 25/09/2017 21:54

His behaviour plan had about sensory stuff. She made him remove it the first few lessons and got cross with him when he argued.

Unfortunately ds is quite blunt in his interactions which can be taken the wrong way and we are working on this.

He assumed she was joking but doesn't think her reaction to his reaction was a joke. I wasn't there so don't know which is why I was asking if she was likely to be joking or being serious.

I'll just monitor it and see if anything develops.

I don't mind the joking and ds likes good humour but I don't agree he should have to be subject of teasing and not respond to it just because the teaser is an adult.

OP posts:
TansyVioletta · 25/09/2017 21:48

I'd never heard the joke before so took it literally, but as it's apparently a well known joke then it's probably as noble described

IndianaMoleWoman · 25/09/2017 21:44

Sounds like the whole thing was a joke - the ruler thing and the "detention." If anything, I imagine the teacher did it to try and make your son feel included if she has this kind of rapport with the entire class. If she knows he has anxiety, she may have been trying to put him at ease.

You say your son has "issues" with her and feels that she is annoyed by him. Could it be that he is simply misreading her attempts to include him in her jokes? I would make it very clear to him that the teacher doesn't really find him annoying, it is just her sense of humour that she uses with all of her pupils. Although it is confusing for him, she is trying to treat him the same as everybody else. Try and focus on the idea that she is trying to build a positive relationship with him even if he is struggling to see it that way.

Qvar · 25/09/2017 21:39

You could use this as an example of "sometimes trusted adults are just unfair. Be careful how you deal with her and talk to your keyworker if she is confusing you"

noblegiraffe · 25/09/2017 21:33

It's so obviously the set up for a well-known joke that I'm struggling to think that the teacher would be offended by the punch line. I would assume that the 'lucky I can't be arsed to give you a detention' was a continuation of the joke, but it would be weird if she was snippy with it.

Not sure it's worth contacting her over it, but just counsel your DS to be more cautious in his interactions with her in future and if she is more obviously off with him then follow it up if needed.

TansyVioletta · 25/09/2017 21:21

I would say that it's not really appropriate to try and outwit a teacher who's picking a child up on their behaviour, much as the response was a good one.

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