Child who doesn't excel at anything with low self confidence

I'd be really disappointed in a school who didn't let kids join the choir of they want to, and there should be a place in the crowd scenes in a play for anyone who wants it. We have had upwards of 50 kids in crowd scenes in our plays before, because we don't want to turn anyone away.

In my school and my dd's school, the junior choir is open to anyone, and the senior choir is from year 10 upwards and audition only. That's a much more inclusive easy to behave and stops any child feeling like they're not good at anything.

No, all schools are not that mean. Ours (also a state comp) has a very decent range of drama and music groups which are open to all comers. There are also one or two which are by invitation only, so that those who really excel can work at a higher level. So they cater for all standards and I absolutely can't conceive of any child in year 7 being told they weren't "good enough".

It sounds like you have a school where results are taking precedence over nuturing the children and encouraging them to find their "thing".

I really hope you can find something more accepting for her outside school. Sounds like she might need it.

What a strange attitude. Why would she have to excel at something to be happy at school? What does she enjoy doing? Please don't describe yourself as being 'crap at everything' in front of your daughter, or at all.

My y8 DD is a bit like this.

The difference however is that Primary and Secondary have both been really good at building up her confidence. e.g. She is really quite poor at Art, but the art teacher gives her 'credits' for trying and for being helpful, so she loves art lessons. The school musical is open to all - if you audition you will get a part in the chorus or something. Parents evening last term was a delight, all the teachers kept saying how hard she was trying and how she was improving.

If school continues like this I would definitely consider moving her if you can find one with a more inclusive caring ethos. There is always a bit of chopping and changing. If open evenings are still going on, maybe pop out quietly to some other local schools and judge them again?

Try to find something out of school. e.g. ice skating can be good, as if you can get her confident enough to get on the ice and skate then that will be something she know she can do.

When my DD finally did cooking in the summer term, we found she was quite good at that, so that is something we are encouraging and that is also doing wonders for her self confidence.

You need to keep looking (and consider moving schools if they continue to be a reward the best only school).

There will probably be an out of school choir or drama group she can join in your local area, you could look into that. Or if she really wants to join a school.group she could do cooking or art, that might be where her talent lies.

Wow, that's a very young age to consider yourself, or to be considered by your mother, as 'crap at everything'. You need to look beyond what's available in school to extend her interests. She might end up enjoying (doesn't have to 'excel' at):
Cycling
Martial arts (everyone starts at the beginning, whatever age)
Looking after animals
Kayaking
Photography
Baking
Anything! Not everyone is talented in a school subject.

So basically she is like me and crap at everything.

What chica said about this. I suggest you find something, anything you enjoy and are good at - she'll pick up on it very quickly.

As for DD, I think guides is a good shout, or something like karate. Hugely confidence building.

I don't think school clubs should be audition only, especially in year 7. I'd politely discuss this with the school and ask them to explain their thinking. Sure, for competitions or major public performances you'd expect there to be some sort of selective process, but just for a club? I don't think that's appropriate or fair at all.

You need to look for those clubs outside of school. There are kids stage school type clubs where she can act and sing.

My DS was like this. Because of his lack of confidence he would not try out for anything. He was going to be moved into a mixed PE class away from his sporty friends and was refusing to go. I spoke to the teacher who agreed to give him a chance and nurtured him. He is now doing GCSE PE. Could your daughter join a non audition choir or theatre group outside of school?

So basically she is like me and crap at everything.

Gosh! How long have you felt like that? It's very likely that your DD is aware of this attitude. If you grew up feeling like that your whole childhood, you need to do everything you can to help your DD not feel like that. I'm sorry but your OP sounds like she's encountering that at home and not just at school.

All her friendship group unfortunately have something they are good at but she doesn't.

Your poor DD. I'm sure she is good at something, even if it's on a more interpersonal level rather than something measurable like drama or sport.

I do also agree that its obvious you lack confidence. It could be impacting her.

I have no outstanding talent in anyone area. I still have confidence and have a good job and good life. Not everyone has a huge talent in any one area.

I think thats quote cruel.

Dd goes to a huge school. Its very strict and high achieving. Anyone can join choir or drama. You may not get solos or main parts, but you would not be turned away from the group. If its your interest, its your interest. Going to the club would probably give you practise to get better.

I would not be happy with this.

Your daughter is still very young and so maybe it's a case of she hasn't 'found' what she could potentially be good at.
Also, I don't want you to take it the wrong way, but maybe she's got zero confidence too because your lack of self belief may be rubbing off on her.

I think it's fine to have an auditioned choir, but it would be good if they also had a choir which was open to all. Likewise, they will need to audition for the school play, but ideally they'd also have a general drama club open to all. However, in the real world, secondary school extra-curricular clubs are usually run voluntarily by teachers.

I suggest your DD joins Scouts or Guides. Open to all, and plenty of opportunities for every child to shine if they put the effort in.

DD (good at art but not hugely confident, not academic, not sporty, only averagely musical) is in Guides and was selected to represent her county on an international camp this summer. She raised the money herself, had a great time and came back a lot more confident.