Fed up of grammar school debate!

RoseO I totally understand how you're feeling.

For me, I think the other parents were irked because the school I chose does indeed have better academic results and much lower free school meals than the feeder school. I guess it's reputation is more MC. However that's not why I chose it. I chose it because of its Drama and Music and it's general approach to the Arts. Randomly I also fell in love with the school library which was stunning and I felt so at home (and it wasn't even me going to the school ). I just had a gut feeling that it was a better fit for my dd. Which it is indeed turning out to be so far.
The school also has a stunning and outstanding 6th form and the students are a very integral part of the whole school which I really liked (the other school has no sixth form)
Once having experience of the school I found that the whole school is anything but very MC, with some of the most talented pupils having come from some of the most deprived areas (it has a wide catchment) and the intake is extremely broad.

However the primary school parents decided that the only reason I chose that school was because I was a snob and 'too good' for the local school.
I was told that a child must be able to walk to school (I never did. I got the bus, then drove).
That my child wouldn't be able to visit friends (she does, it's just over a wider area).
It was hinted that I was a part of a 'problem' in sending dd to a different school I wasn't helping improve the local school.

You see, I found choosing a secondary school the most nerve wracking thing I've done in a long time and had lots of anxiety around it. Every time a parent foisted an uninvited opinion on me and told me why I was wrong it made me come home and question myself all over again. It's hard not to listen to those little voices that tell you you're doing the wrong thing.

I'll stop banging in now because it's something I could go on about for hours. It really added a lot of stress and anxiety to my life around school applications and it really really shouldn't have. Yes, it's no-ones business but some people just can't let it go.

All I can say is trust your gut. You didn't go far wrong before and you'll do the same again OP. Your dd will do extremely well, and will be happy.

Sorry bit of a bold fail there.

We have been to visit and didn't like it. We don't think it will suit our DD. Most people are incredulous that we are looking at having to pay for a bus/ drive her to another secondary when we could just send her to the local one. A large number of parents don't even bother looking anywhere else, which I find bizarre*

I had exactly this. People literally wanted me to list all my reasons for choosing different to them and/or made sneery remarks about my choice. Many of these parents had never even set foot in different school.

If she's in Y6 then of course talk is going to be of secondary. It will stop once the deadline for applying has passed then start again on offer day.

We are having the opposite conversation. Last year all but 3 pupils from our primary went to the local secondary, and I think 100% of the neighbouring primary Y6 went there as well.

We have been to visit and didn't like it. We don't think it will suit our DD. Most people are incredulous that we are looking at having to pay for a bus/ drive her to another secondary when we could just send her to the local one. A large number of parents don't even bother looking anywhere else, which I find bizarre.

If I were in your situation I would be looking at the grammar definitely and yes I believe you are depriving her of an opportunity, but then you know your DD and the schools and only you could answer that. The fact that it's bothering you so much does suggest you are wondering if you are doing the right thing. If not, ignore them.

Oh OP, I do sympathise. I've had this type of thing in buckets when I applied for my dd's secondary school 2 years ago - however for me it was inverted snobbery as I chose not to send my dd to the feeder Secondary. Not that there was too much 'wrong' with the school, I just preferred a different one for my own dd (my dd got one of the highest SATS scores in the year). I still have parents who don't speak to me at school because of it, and now I'm applying for ds it's beginning to crank up again.

You'd have thought I'd have sprayed the school in shit the way some parents reacted to me.

I didn't talk about schools deliberately. However parents actively came to ask me, then the endless 'why?', then the slagging off of my chosen school, then even comments that I was no longer part of the community. It was awful. It really really got me down.

I don't agree with Grammar Schools either OP, but I don't think it's necessarily about this with the parents who are niggling you. I think it's purely anxiety that you're choosing something different to them. It makes them question that there's only one way of doing well. It irks them. I think it's bloody rude of them, especially as they must know your older dd got to Oxford from going to the very school you've chosen.

I don't have much advice. People advised me here not to talk about schools but it's hard when people cross the school yard to interrogate you. I just practised smiling through gritted teeth.

If I were you I would just repeat "Well, eldest dd loved it there and did really well so......"

Also "Well, it would be boring if we all did the same thing......"

In all honesty, if this is third time round for you, it's no surprise you're finding it boring. I guess it's the first time for your friends, though.

I would point out that your younger daughter is going to the same secondary that taught her older sister well enough to get her into Oxford. I also agree that it's not their business and if your daughter is bright (as it seems that she is) then she will succeed wherever she goes.

I'm surprised, to be honest. If you've sent the other two to the comp and they've done well, I'd expect other parents to be asking your opinion on things, not overly forcing their own on you. Also, our geographical situation is not dissimilar and I found the opposite to be the case: lots of parents telling me not to bother with the 11+.

Really, all you have to do is change the subject, abruptly if you want. They start talking about school choices, you start talking about ... anything; food prices, buying stuff for university, gardening.

Or just listen and smile with the smug air of someone who's already negotiated these waters and finds the journey a little dull.

It's that time of year again, open evenings, 11+ tests, CAF deadline looming... Don't explain yourself to others, don't bother. You won't persuade them and they're just being an arse and giving you their judgements opinions

If you are happy with your choice then just smile and let it pass.