First week at Secondary School and struggling

DD has just started at a selective but not overly pushy school. At her primary school she was loud, funny and confident- she's had a real wobble since starting secondary. She couldn't find some classrooms, got told off as her hair wasn't tied back enough and knows no one. They're also getting 3 lots of prep a night. There were tears on Tuesday evening, but by Friday she was a lot happier!

I think we've made the right choice but it is worrying....

I would agree with pp who suggested contacting the form tutor. DS 1 was really worried about certain things in secondary ( finding classes, forgetting books etc).I emailed his form tutor and she was great , spending time in the morning helping him get organised and asking teachers of lessons he was worried about to come and have a chat with him in form time. They are really keen to help so do contact them .

So sorry to hear the transition hasn't been as smooth at you would have hoped. I can understand how you feel my DS really struggled to settle too. He is a worrier so I didn't expect it to be easy. I called the school spoke to student services, who were brilliant, said it wasn't unusual and they had spoken to other parents with the same concerns. They spoke to DS and reassured him, things really improved after that and I wish I had called them earlier. DS is now 16, left school, passed his GCSEs and started college this week, yes he was still a little nervous!

DD is really struggling. Friends in school but non in her class and the friends are together so having a fun time already, which makes DD feel worse (no criticism of the other children, pleased they're settling).
Plus dds friends got a letter congratulating them on being 'promising students' based on CAT scores done last term. DD didn't get one so now feels socially and academically disadvantaged.
And all her primary mates are living new schools.
It's horrible seeing her struggle and we're wondering if we've made the wrong choice. Not keen on school being so ready to label them based on CAT tests - feels divisive. And the set of environment we didn't want (I know they will stream/label but in first week?!)
We're all a bit fed up. DD has health issues too and she's struggling with that so it's all feeling a bit much.

That's good that she seems happier and it's good that socially things are ok. Before dd started at her comp i said that she might find the teachers very strict at first but it was because they don't want the kids running riot so it would benefit her. I think it helped her to understand this and she's been happy there.

My DTs have started at two different secondaries (a grammar and a comp) without any primary friends and without each other. It's been tough.

The logistics, timings, planners and journeys are different. Aside from the organisation it has been emotionally hard for them and me and seeing all their friends go to a different school. It breaks my heart to see them go in opposite directions when they are the same academically but both did not get in their preferred school.

Hoping it will get easier but its so hard juggling this and work and life right now. I was a year older when I started secondary and I was more mature in so many ways

DS started Secondary School this week, we were all in a bit of a blur on Monday.
DS had to be out the door before any of us to walk to school on time on a journey he's only walked once before with me.
I had to leave for work 10 minutes later and my DD in yr 6 had to leave on her own 10 mins after that.
DS has had to navigate his huge new School there are no old friends in his new class, he has just been busy attending lessons and trying to find the classrooms to be phased by anything else right now.

No shouty Teachers yet though.
Basically he can't really get upset about going because we are all busy doing our own thing that we wouldn't have time to acknowledge it.

DS started secondary this week. It's been pretty rough with overcrowded school buses and not knowing anyone.

Was her primary a small one? There are 730 at my dds primary I'm hoping being used to loads of kids will help when mine start!

Things will relax as she makes new friends, knows where things are and what's expected. The teachers don't know any of them at the moment, but as time goes on they'll relax as they'll get to know each and every one of them. By the time my DD was in Year 10 there was a lot of light hearted banter between pupils and even their teacher in class.

Ds1 started his new school this week and is sad and overwhelmed. Finding it particularly difficult because none of his close friends have gone there with him. We are aiming for survival this week and hoping he'll relax and enjoy it a bit next week.

I'm feeling guilty even though I still totally believe that this is the right school for him long term.

My youngest was sick every morning for the first week - I said to her every day that once she'd been there a week and had gone through her whole timetable and knew what was going on that she'd be fine. She was

It's worth emailing her form tutor if you have their contact details?

One of my tutees had to be picked up by parents because he was 'feeling ill' and too upset to stay in school, then he had several wobbly days where he was coaxed into school and lessons.

This was years ago. He was fine ever after, got excellent A-level results and happily went off to uni :)

DS was completely overwhelmed by it all, it's horrible to see them struggling like that!

We talked a lot and decided on strategies.

DS was scared of forgetting books and being punished, so we packed his bag together and checked that everything was there in the evening.

We did a lot of "what if...?" scenarios and talked about possible solutions and outcomes.

Does your dd have a friend in her form? Can they walk together?

Drop the form tutor a line. They can buddy her up with a more confident child to help her.

Fingers crossed, it's a huge change but in a few week's time all will be good.