First week at Secondary School and struggling

I would speak to her form teacher or the head of the school and explain what is happening and how it's effecting your daughter the change etc.
I'm sure they will be of help and you won't be the only parent to have spoke to the teachers etc.
My son is the same and worries about everything and it did effect his work but I went and spoke to his teacher and went over a few things and it all worked out in the end.

It is overwhelming! DS had 7 pieces of homework this weekend and he only went back on Wednesday. Question of the weekend was....Mummy, how do I draw lithium (answer....google it!) although he didn't specify which isotope it was.

trb
Keep going. You're doing well.
We have some 7s who are from primaries of 120 students or so. We have over 1500. It must be so daunting.

All you can do is reassure her and focus on the positives.

Personally id give it a couple of days before sending the email but if you need to then do it.

I've helped DS1 with him homework all week (every night and Saturday for two hours) and packing his bag every day for the next day. Helping them with these little things help them so much emotionally, I can't see anything wrong with it. DS1 has struggled, but I'm hoping now he's into the second week they have lessons and not just every teacher reading the rules for ages which is what he had last week. He's exhausted though.

People who are worried about being 'that mum' are unlikely to be 'that parent' in my experience.

I'd probably give it loads of optimism and try out the great advice given here. Then see how they are by Wednesday/thursday of this week. If no better then give school a call.

My ds started year 7 last week. It has been ok, apart from he missed school bus twice, left PE kit at school once (he needed it for the rugby match on the next day -- Saturday) and got lost on way to the classrooms three times. Hopefully everything will be fine next week.

Thanks for all the tips and suggestions. I'm taking them all on board and have decided that whilst she's struggling I'm going to help her do things like packing bags etc just to lift some of the pressure off her for now. School told us to let them foot all themselves which is all well and good when you've not got a child struggling and in tears.
Definitely. I did this too and will when dd2 starts next September. Once they've settled in and are happy they can cope much better with the odd minor detention for forgetting stuff but before then i gave all the support i could.

You definitely won't be seen as that mum don't worry.

It's perfectly normal for them to feel upset - it's a big leap, everything they've ever known has been turned upside down.

Keep everything as calm and "samey" as possible at home. Lots of praise for making a great effort at school. Each day will be easier than the last. Once she starts making some pals she will feel a lot more confident.

Oh and I had a tutee who was in floods of tears every morning for the first few weeks, and was finding it really hard to settle in. She now has a lovely group of friends, and while she is still extremely quiet, that's just who she is, and she is flourishing.

Hi,
I'm a form tutor, mine have just started Y8. I would definitely not have seen you as that mum! It was so helpful to hear from parents about issues, especially in the first few weeks when I was still trying to get to know them!

I always find that the worst problems happen if no one has said anything for a while, and something which could have been dealt with easily has escalated into a major issue.

I get the impression that people who worry about being that mum usually aren't and people who are that mum probably don't worry about it!

I'm not a teacher but i don't think you'd be seen as that mum. I'm sure year 7 FTs understand that it can be stressful for year 7s starting. Dd is in year 9 and the September of year 7 is the only time I've needed to contact the FT so i don't think I'm that mum but I still remember how helpful and reassuring dd's FT was and she definitely didn't give the impression she thought i was "that mum."

On the CATS tests my DS had something similar with friends being singled out. In the end he achieved similar/better GCSE results, which were about 2 grades higher than suggested by the CATs results. I think partly he was overwhelmed when they took them but also they are not really designed to assess individuals but a cohort and how the cohort has progressed. I got the impression that most schools which still use them don't give out the results for this reason. So please encourage your DD not to think of them as a label, all DC progress at different rates and ability isn't fixed.

Glad you're contacting the tutor, it's what they're there for.

The CAT test thing is yukky as simply rewarding a natural ability [if you trust such things].

I'm a year 7 form tutor and have already had 4 sets of parents on contact this week, all of whom I have been able to quickly sort out and support! Do come think us 😊 we can help

Thanks for the suggestion of emailing form tutor. We haven't met her, she wasn't there at the open evening but let's hope she's understanding. Glad others agree about the cat test letter. Thought it might be just me!

It takes a while for y7s to settle.

Last week when k wasn't teaching I spent at least 10 mins of my free mopping up wandering lost y7s and taking them to the correct place. They're usually so desperate to please and terrified of being in trouble (I had a friendly quiet word with one who left his equipment at home and I thought he was going to cry. )

Make a copy of gheir timetable and colour code it and pin it up in the kitchen.

Pack their bags together the nigh before (but some teachers might be lile me and keep hold of y7 books so thry don't forget)

Please remind them that although staff may seem scary, we are nice and willing to help. They are better off asking for help than struggling and getting into trouble.

If you have your child's tutor or head of year/house, call them and let them know your child is studying and they'll pass it on so staff know.

Hope thay helps.

DD took a good six weeks to properly settle in to High School - pretty much up to the Oct half term. It was a combination of losing old friends, gaining new ones, school size, moving between classrooms, homework, tests and sets. It was a hard slog but she came through in the end. Her confidence grew and that made a huge difference.

Don't be surprised if your DDis the same OP, the first term is a rollercoaster of emotions and worries before they find their feet.

DS2 started secondary this week too. Its exhausting. He's quite anxious and not naturally organised.

I have his two week timetable pinned up in the kitched. Each morning and evening we go through his days lessons/ next days. Think about where they are in the school, how to get there from where he'll be before the lesson. We list the teachers names too. We can see what equipment he'll need and make sure his bag is packed with the right stuff.

We've highlighted the changes week two and there are only a few new lessons, for less core subjects so he's slightly less apprehensive.

DS's form tutor is lovely and I'm another one who suggests dropping your DD's a quick email, just so they can keep an extra eye. The school may also have a pastoral care lead who may have some activities to help your DD settle.

Plus dds friends got a letter congratulating them on being 'promising students' based on CAT scores done last term.
How revolting.... Very ill thought out I hope, rather than just uncaring or consciously divisive.
I agree op with contacting form tutor by email explaining concerns. School may not be aware at how stressed she is. Good luck.

Fret. When dd started year 7 she had a worry and I emailed the form tutor (who is a bit of a dragon!) and she was fantastic. Really helpful and reassuring. Might be worth contacting her FT now as I'm sure most would want to know if they can help year 7s settle in any way.
I agree the letters sound a bit pointless and divisive. Especially as it sounds like they sent them to the students themselves rather than the parents and year 7s are bound not to be very discreet about it and then inadvertantly give their friends who didn't get one the message that they aren't promising students. It doesn't sound very well thought out. If you are given a feedback questionnaire later in the year from the school you could mention it.

That's rotten Trb17. You'd think they'd let the year sevens settle in before rewarding them - it just makes the struggling/under confident feel worse. The teachers can surely see who is not next to a friend and who is struggling? I know they have a lot of kids and it's not like primary but we chose a school with supposedly good pastoral care deliberately - we'd like to see some of it now.

How long do we give it before we approach the school? It's early days but each day something new seems to chip away at her; first they changed classes, removing the only child she knew (a bit), the friends who are together are making new friends, a letter labels others as academically able, primary school friends in other schools are all 'living it'. Poor DD just feels left out and lonely (her words). It's really hard to watch.