First week at Secondary School and struggling

Well so far we've had a good week. After Monday, Tuesday went well. As did Wednesday. And tonight was another go at debate club, which went really well. He's starting to settle, the homework is lightening a little, and he's finding his feet with books etc. Got a meeting with his senco next week for an IEP, but so far so good I'm hoping.

Miss, im sorry your daughter's buddy was so rude. Hope she's ok.

Trb, great news about the team!

Fret, great little steps there by DD - hopefully next week will be less intimidating

DS is meant to do sports clubs, but we are hoping by picking music and debate, he's dodged that bullet, as team sports don't go well for him as an Aspie!

That's great news Trb. And Miss I am so sorry to hear about the 'buddy'. Clearly not the right child for the job but really rotten for your DD. I'm not surprised she is feeling reluctant to trust the schools help in future but glad to hear she has had a better day today.
For our part DD seems to have had a better day. Turned up to a club but felt too intimidated by the number of older girls to stay, which is a shame, but at least she had a go. She seems to be chatting to girls in her class a bit more so, early days but she's brighter this eve (no tears!) so I'm crossing my fingers. . .

Thanks Trb. Thankfully she seems to have had a better day today, she has come home a lot more upbeat. Even if she hasn't got a group to sit with, she's got coping strategies to manage on her own.

Great news about your DD, let hope everyone is on the up now

Just found this three. My DD started y7 I this time, none of her primary friends are at this school (due to house love) so she is in the position of trying to make new friends. She's fairly quiet and only had a smallish group of close friends in primary.

We've had tears a few times and some almost school refusal. She's ok with the lessons, she's struggling to break into friendships with others. I contact the y7 welfare support person, who buddied her with another y7 for support. Unfortunate this lasted 1 day when the 'buddy' told her to go and get some friends of her own, as it wasn't fair on her to look after DD. This buddy has come to secondary with a wide group of friend from primary and knows DD through guides.

DD was hurt by this, but (not surprisingly) doesn't want any further help. Not sure what else can be done, but it breaks my heart to think of her alone and break/lunch, struggling to meet people. Any advice gratefully received. She does attend drama club and is planning a few more things in and out of school. Hopefully it's early days and she'll start to make friends soon.

I should say I am genuinely pleased to hear of children who are starting to settle and doing great thing - form captain! New guitar riffs! Brilliant. . Really good to hear.

Hello; thanks for asking Trb and for kind comments above.
Tears again tonight, didn't go to lunchtime club (lacked the courage) and I've had no response from school to my email of Monday morning. I know everyone is busy but I'm a bit deflated that settling year 7s doesn't appear to be high on anyone's agenda.
Ive given DD a bit more of a pep talk about helping herself this evening; she has to make the effort - I hope I judged it right but it we have to move on somehow.
I'll ring school tomorrow and try to make an appointment to see her form tutor. They can't ignore me when I'm face to face with them! I hope . . .
This is hard and the longer it persists the more depressing it is. I know it's early days but poor DD is unhappy and it's so far from the experience we'd hoped for. I'm a bit gutted.

Barbarian, glad DS is doing better. I think I've struggled with the lack of contact with the school, even though we used breakfast clubs etc, I had someone there every day to talk me through the morning or day. It's so hard not to stay that involved.

Trb how did DD get on?

Oh Fret, you poor thing. Do you have a new Y7 meeting or anything coming up? Ours is due in October I think.

DS went into school in tears. His phone wasn't working, the replacement died, he didn't want to go to music club (that he'd been so excited about in July) and cried at me having to work late.

I went to work, cried on my boss, and got told I could finish early enough to get him only 20 minutes after school finished. He was so relieved when I rang at 820am to tell him.

He had a good day, he's getting frustrated by classmates not doing as they should, but thats his aspergers and sticking to the rules, and the class don't sound too bad.

And then I rang to say I was outside to be asked to wait twenty minutes as he had gone to music club and was learning a new rift on the guitar! I nearly cried!! So happy for him.

Tonight we've had a full low down on the day - more than he'd ever shared before - krispy kreme donuts, and we went and got him a new phone as an early Christmas present. He's managed most of his homework, and is so happy and calm tonight.

I know we have masses of hurdles still to come, but so relieved tonight.

Fretnworry I still think it is too early to judge how it is going to turn out, though.

Ds1 had a better week. Seating plans for all lessons now so he's not sitting alone in class, clubs at lunchtime 3 times a week. Enjoying quite a few of the lessons, though not the homework.

No totally new friends but he hangs out w 2 girls he knew from primary. They travel in together too. Whether they will be proper friends long-term or whether its hysterical bonding I can't tell yet. He's got calmer about friendships now that I've stopped constantly asking how its going . Guess I need to be calmer too.

Another miserable, tearful Monday morning. She really didn't want to go in 'I just don't like it'.
I've emailed the school after ringing last Monday. They didn't to any of the things they said they would; speak to her, change seating plans, offer her a 'buddy'.
One teacher stopped her after class and asked if she'd like to sit nearer the front. That was it.
One of the reasons we were keen on this school was its supposedly strong pastoral care. I'm not seeing much of it.
They seem not terribly friendly and not very interested in DD.
I don't know what else to do. The pep talk is starting to sound hollow to me even as I say it.
DD screwed her courage to seek out clubs last week but they hadn't started - I'm not sure, going by this morning, she has the heart to do it again, although I encouraged her to, obviously.
Not helped by primary school friends she saw over the weekend all having a great time with new mates and a variety of clubs. But What can I do? The last thing she needs is not to see old friends.

I'm starting to wonder if we chose the wrong school.

Good progress Bubble and Trb17.

Trb - she is so not tough, her confidence easily knocked and quite shy. I have had to make myself step back and let her deal with it all but it seems to be working so I am pleased.

DS said his form tutor spoke to him, and his maths teacher and everything would be ok. I've told him not to obsess over missing things, I will replace everything at this stage.

He did say there was a mix up with PE kits. Someone took his by accident, gave it to him in the changing room, but he couldn't find his shorts. So he sat down and cried. 😥 He said the class were nice to him, the PE teacher gave him some spares, and they turned up at the end. But he was worried about a kit mark - which I said not to be. But poor thing.

He was massively excited for the weekend bless him!

Trb17 - the carpet burn bled/stuck to her leg today, poor thing .

I hope everyone had a better day today, I know how very worried I was last week when we had tears and stress, you worry that they won't thrive and be unhappy, worry that they are on their own without friends (she was the only person to go to this school from her primary), etc., etc..

This is also a GS but the homework has been minimal, decorate your books, make a poster, write about yourself type stuff. Nothing overboard at this stage.