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Original poster

Why do this group of kids dislike my DD?

33 replies

Titsywoo · 07/09/2017 12:56

DD just started year 8. She struggled a bit in year 7 as she didn't get on with anyone in her form bar one girl as they are mainly very loud and she is more quiet and a bit socially awkward. She made friends with a couple of small groups of girls then got dropped very quickly. Eventually she got involved with a club that meant she didn't have to go to form room in the mornings and she made friends with girls in other forms so was pretty happy.

The 'popular' group in her class however seems to have taken against her for some reason. They call her weird and either ignore her (which she is fine with!) or do things like tell her a certain boy fancies her and push him towards her. He gets cross and says he hates her because of this. The other boys in the group moan and groan if they have to sit next to her. The girls take the mickey out of her. She just ignores it all but it can't be nice for her.

The thing is she is the sweetest kid I know. Always so kind and looking out for others. She is a wonderful friend (as her current friends tell her all the time). I suppose being a bit socially awkward (due to a lack of confidence) might make her seem a bit standoffish and she won't let people copy her schoolwork which pissed a couple of people off (not this group though).

So neither of us understands it. A few of the teachers are aware of the issues and keep an eye on these kids but she often gets groups with them anyway (luckily for the subjects where they are set she isn't with them as she is in the top and they are mainly in the bottom).

Any ideas? I feel bad for her when she says "I din't understand why they hate me Mum - I haven't done anything!) Sad

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 07/09/2017 13:52

They don't have to like her but the way they're behaving is completely out of line. Report everything. The school must stop this bullying.
You say she's socially awkward. How have you addressed this and what have you tried to build her confidence?

nocampinghere · 07/09/2017 13:51

So difficult! T he school should be doing more than "keeping an eye".
Can she move form to where her friends are? Good that she isn't in their teaching groups. I would just avoid them as much as possible.

Ditto what Kenlee says re the 'popular' group all hate each other too. It may seem like they are a cohesive group but the petty bitchness is ever present. They're only a group because each person is scared to not be in the group incase they turn on them - safety in numbers etc.

Ttbb · 07/09/2017 13:44

Maybe if she's a little bit more aggressive they'll leave her alone? Sometime you have to give as good as you get I'm afraid.

Kenlee · 07/09/2017 13:36

All I can say is that the 'popular' group all hate each other too. It may seem like they are a cohesive group but the petty bitchnes is ever present. Your daughter is smart she will have the friends she deserves.

Mum2lots · 07/09/2017 13:18

You've done amazing and so has your daughter encourage her to access lots of groups to make like minded friends like guides etc the morning group sounds fantastic it really is about her knowing her worth and keeping her self esteem high xxx this will give her so many skills in later life . As for the horrors the school needs to do a little more than keep an eye but whilst your waiting / pushing for this encourage her to know they don't like themselves actually they are the ones with the issues. She sounds lovely xx

Embekkisson1 · 07/09/2017 13:14

She may be a lot stronger than you think . My Dd was like this in the early years of secondary school. I told her to stand up for herself but she told me " I'm not retaliating or swearing at them , that's what they are looking for " . My dd stuck with one or two very quiet friends , that's what she was comfortable with , and although the silly bullying carried on my Dd was happy just letting them have their laughs and they soon got bored . If your not happy with the situation email the school or see the student welfare team and tell them it's got to stop .

garud · 07/09/2017 13:05

Tell when a group of not very nice, and insecure, people get together, they often use people outside the group to reassure themselves that their group is the right one to be in, by being mean and bullying them. It barely even matters who that person is. Unfortunately they have picked her, but it is nothing that your dd has personally done, or anything about her personality that has caused it.

Is the school doing anything other than 'keeping an eye' on them?

ScarletForYa · 07/09/2017 13:04

Poor girl. She sounds lovely. Unfortunately nice people are not always popular. Sometimes niceness is viewed as a form of weakness.

Groups can 'bond' through bullying and excluding people. There doesn't even have to be a valid reason. It happens for the flimsiest, whimsical reasons and it seems to me once it happens, it's almost irreversible.

Glad to hear she's refusing to let them copy her homework. I would focus on teaching her to become a little bit more assertive.

She still mightn't be popular but the bullies will probably back off a bit. It'll also give her a feeling of control.