Parents sell home so son can attend private school - how far would you go?

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2705913/Real-life-Billy-Elliot-goes-to-ballet-school-after-parents-sell-house.html

These parents sold their house so the Dc could attend ballet school. He hAd to leave when the money ran out but he then got a scholarship at another dance school.
At the time my daughter asked if I would do the same for her. I'm afraid I had to say No!

When they are living in poverty in old age and their children only visit them once or twice a year if they are lucky, they will wonder why they put all their eggs in one basket. As for having to share a bedroom with your parents, I don't think their kids will appreciate that when they are teenagers!

I do understand the temptation, DD was offered a place at a specialist school for sixth form. But with no scholarship, and DS still needing support at university (he/we qualify for minimum loan only) , we have had to turn down the place.
I wish with all my heart we could have made it work and if we sold our house and used the capital then we could. But we would still need to live somewhere, and DD is one of three and it would be unfair to use our savings just on her, so head prevailed over heart.
But, I wish we could've done it!

I hate it when people talk about "making sacrifices" to pay for private school. "Compromises" is a good word, but "sacrifices" is actually offensive.

I have made compromises for Ds to go private, but I feel it's nothing too far - and selling the family home is def too far!

All our holidays are haven / Butlins type affairs and we rent off a family member as I can't afford to buy. Our tenancy is secure though, I'm not sure I would feel differently if I was in general renting. Ds is an only child and all his dads maintenance goes towards the fees, so I literally pay for everything else myself.

It's not always easy but DS is in the right school for him, he has flourished there, and I'm hoping for a scholarship at the next stage. He will never know that there are sacrifices being made (though I do think he should know he is incredibly fortunate to goto a private school - as are all his friends) and I don't care what his outcome in terms of career is, so long as he is happy and has his education to fall back on.

I'd love to know what the frankly odd house requirements were from your dh - but maybe that's another thread grin

It could take up its own thread! Things like 3m+ ceilings, a central internal hallway, a grand staircase, an eat-in kitchen, no long corridors (??!). We live in the guts of Lewisham, s London, with mainly Victorian and 1930s housing stock, and it took literally a year to find this place, because half the requirements contradict the other half. He's lucky I'm such a sucker for property searching .

Nope. We would not be prepared to live in penury for our child's educstion.

DD got offered a place at an academic private school, but our application for a bursary was turned down. She went to the local comprehensive and achieved excellent GCSE results and is now doing A levels.

‘Ironically, as our mortgage is only around £200 a month and renting will cost about £1,000, it is going to add to our outgoings,’ Mrs Morgan said. ‘But this way we can sleep at night. We can clear our debts and, most importantly, pay for CJ’s school fees.

ffs

I'm glad to hear it

Education is important but so much of life outside of school is educational. I'm kind of sad at a few of my friends who have massively stretched themselves but can't enjoy actually living.

I'd love to know what the frankly odd house requirements were from your dh - but maybe that's another thread

That's me calm, sort of - we've ended up buying a flat in the catchment of a very good primary and high school (though what the latter will be like when we get to that stage, who knows) rather than a house elsewhere. But:

• We've not really stretched ourselves much beyond where we would have if schools weren't so high on the list, but for a flat rather than a house.
• The flat meets the (frankly, odd) requirements my DH came up with, which no house in our search did.
• The purchase hasn't affected our outgoings/fun in an unsustainable way. For the last few months we've been slogging through a renovation, so money's gone towards that, but it's a short term thing and nearly over thank fuck-.

I guess these compromises seemed OK to me/us, whereas what the article describes feels excessive. But presumably the parents there went through the same thought process and reached the decision they did.

Essential sorry if I have the wrong poster but haven't you stretched yourself significantly to live in the catchment of a good school? Isn't it the same if you can't afford to have some fun in life?

They're mad, battle abbey prep really ain't all that. The bright kids in East Sussex cross the county boundary and attend the SS in Tunbridge Wells. Battle Abbey, bucks wood and Claremont are left with the also-rans. iMO obvs.

Ds went to a generally well regarded private school. Many of his friends now at university went to a very wide range of schools. Some of them , shock and gasping , got better grades than he did. I fully admit I am not against private schools , but it doesn't give you a shoe in . Unless this story ( old as it is ) is not the full story ( i.e. have they bought a house since) it sounds a little dramatic.

Renting isn't cheaper than home ownership either!

No I haven't read it either, never click on anything daily mail, however have got the gist of it. Seems crazy and far too much pressure on the poor kid. Imagine anyone thinking that they could crowd fund this folly. I do understand parents who make huge sacrifices to send their kid to a school they believe will give their child an advantage, particularly when the state option on offer isn't particularly attractive but to sell the home your child has grown up in and move into rented feels like a step too far.

Not read the article. Is that right that they tried to crowdfund him going to private school?
I can sort of see the thinking by people doing this as I was shitting myself about sending my quiet, geeky dd to the local comp as she was a bit picked on at primary by the cool horrible kids, but it's actually been a huge improvement on primary as she's found a lovely group of friends, is happy and doing well and hasnt been picked on at all. So my fear terror of sending her there was unfounded, but I remember the fear enough to see where they are coming from!

I wouldn't go any distance at all. Private schools are overrated. They're certainly not a golden ticket to 'success', which depends more on the family dynamic and the child's motivation, imo. If they're going to 'succeed' from a private school, they'll probably do the same from a state school.

Very silly. Although my FiL seems to think that by paying for his education my DH 'owes' him and is forever throwing it back at my DH (who happens to be a self made man in a field not taught or encouraged by private education). FiL is a multi-millionaire so didn't sell his home to fund it either!

We will do private if we can afford it, if not state and tutors, if required.

They would have been better advised to move into an area where they could access good state schools. - and supplement with tuition if required. Most good state schools would stretch an academically gifted child as far as Battle Abbey would.

Having said that, I know of a number of families who have had a charge put on their family homes by bursars to allow their DC to stay at private school after a change in circumstances.

Something tells me the child's previous primary school would not have been sorry to see the back of these parents.

We moved house when DDs were approaching secondary level, so that they would be in the catchment area of a very good state grammar school. Unfortunately even though they both passed the exam, neither was offered a place, so we finished up paying for private secondary education. But we would never have thought of selling the house to pay for their education. We didn't go short of very much either as both DDs got good scholarships.

If he is bright, then a good state school will stretch him as necessary.

Yup. Thinking of myself and my family, if I owned a home where all local state school options were bad and I felt my children were falling behind as a result and buying somewhere better was financially out of reach then I could see us selling and renting in a better catchment. But the "private school at all costs" option of the OP's link doesn't sit right with me.

My parents told me repeatedly about how we couldn't go on holidays etc because they had to pay my school fees. Aged 11, I asked to go to the local comp. They said no. Cue another 7 years of telling me how much my school cost, sacrifices made etc. In hindsight it looks almost pathological.