Teachers say 14 year old is too quiet in class

I received these comments for both my children. I knew it wasn't a problem as I was also like that at school and had become a fully functioning adult with a good job. At parents evenings my children and I would play Parents Evening bingo - to see how many of their teachers mentioned the 'quiet' / 'needs to contribute more' comments. My son was 1 off a Full House once ! The comments stopped once my daughter was in 6th form as the groups were much smaller and she started to talk. My son has just finished Year 11. Just to reassure you, it had no effect on their academic results - my daughter (now at Uni) obtained 11 As at GCSE and my son already has 1 A and received 8 A's, one 8 (A in old money) and 1 A in his GCSE mocks.

So use a different teaching method then

Are you a teacher, badbadbunny? Which method would you recommend for generating lots of different ideas quickly from a group of students other than discussion? I suppose they could all write their ideas down in silence, silently swap them with each other, read each other's ideas in silence, write down responses to them in silence, swap their papers again... Yeah, sounds very dynamic and productive.

But I look forward to hearing what you do in your classes, badbadbunny.

I don't agree that all teachers have the same personality. There are plenty of teachers who are introverts.

But being an introvert is not the same thing as being anxious about speaking or being unable to speak.

I do get the point about the school system being set up more for extroverts though.

I've been thinking about this all night and from what I remember it was one final incident after many in school that made me then give up bothering with class.

Teacher asked a question, I answered it correctly just badly phrased, everyone laughed at my answer including the teacher only for another student to answer the same question but she phrased it slightly differently and the teacher was full of praise and not one child laughed at her reply.

This was common, it had happened repeatedly, I think it was because I wasn't one of those popular girls (I was nerdy looking with spots and glasses and dressed frumpy). I'd rather get on with my life than cause a fuss/drama over everything. I decided from then I would keep out of everything and only give an answer if I really had to.

School was crap with teachers constant badgering to get me to speak up in class really just made it worse. I wasn't going to be humiliated again by the staff or other students and the more they tried the more I dug my heels in. I don't want to be shown up infront of students/teachers, I don't want to be ridiculed, laughed at or picked on so the best way to deal with it is to avoid the situation altogether. So I decided to keep myself to myself and just get on with my work.

I'm still the same now, I don't want to be judged or compared, I don't want to be humiliated. I don't want to be part of the crowd, I'm not a robot I'm an individual.

Teachers can forget every child is completely different and an individual, school is set up to churn out copies of children with the same level of attainment to show how good the school is not to show how different and diverse their students are. School is not there to allow a person to develop in their own way, to experience their own things, to look at life in their own way. The fact is they have uniforms and they tell every student their task is to gain as many high academic grades as possible otherwise they're useless/unemployable/a failure.

From my experience teachers all have a similar character and personality (they need it to deal with children all those years). Theyre often very similar to each other so they all agree with the same things, they are often like robots themselves but don't notice it. But they do notice if a child isn't like them and they try to make that child more like themselves.

DDs drama teacher just couldn't understand DDs anxiety about performing on stage. Teacher told me it was unnatural and she must clearly have MH issues because she turns into a complete mess when asked to perform infront of people. I pointed out shes just an introvert, she hates being the centre of attention. She scoffed 'who doesn't like being the centre of attention?'. She just couldn't understand how DD works and she penalised her for it by giving her the lowest grade in the class and constantly tried to get her to perform. She even dished out detentions for not taking an active part in drama class.

If introverts can be considered in the school place they would speak up more. One-to-one is better than the entire class glaring at a child who's been asked a question waiting for them to answer. The child feels uncomfortable and panics not thinking straight, the other children start to make noise because theyre fed up of waiting for an answer, the teacher starts to get cross because the introvert child cant find the voice to speak and then they're in trouble with the teacher because they couldn't answer.
Yet get a teacher who wanders around the class and asks quietly a question to the introvert child and they will probably find the voice to answer. No pressure, no-one staring or tutting just a teacher checking a child has understood. What takes up more time? A whole class getting angry waiting for an answer or a quick question quietly on the side of the class.

I do wish people wouldn't equate introvert with 'can't talk or offer opinions'. They are different things.

I'm an introvert. I don't talk much at social gatherings. I prefer staying in to going out. BUT I'm a teacher, so I can clearly talk. When I go to conferences, I can ask questions of the speaker. When I'm in team meetings, I can make contributions. Introverts haven't lost the power of speech, being unable to speak is something different.

I will say that just telling someone they're too quiet and they need to speak up more Does Not Work. It just puts more pressure on and drives confidence down further.

Well said, completely counter-productive!

From an English teacher's perspective, the problem I have is when I get a small A Level set with one or two very quiet students who aren't willing/able to contribute to discussion. My A Level teaching is very discussion based,

So use a different teaching method then!

Oh dear, the extrovert-bias strikes again

Exactly! I was a quiet child and constantly got the "too quiet" complain in my reports. As if it helped! I just sat there trying to do my work and hoping the teacher wouldn't "pick on me" to answer any questions. Even when I did know the answer, I'd not speak up, and would rather say I don't know than give an answer, even if I thought it was right. The more the teachers went on about it and asked me questions, the more I'd clam up. You can't change peoples' behaviour. There's absolutely NO REASON for teachers to keep picking on the quiet pupils, even moreso when it must be clear they don't want to be picked on. My written class work and homework were good, so the teacher should have known I was doing OK without bullying me about being quiet in class.

Poor Henry you had SM and no one ever understood.

It's great that you have managed in adulthood.

There is a teen and adults SMIRA Facebook page if you wanted to think about it with others, if it might help you process your experience.

That reminded me of my GCSE verbal assessment for English I just couldn't do it even when the teacher took me and two friends aside to do it. To this day the thought of standing up in front of people makes me want to puke.

I used to get this throughout DS' school career. Like you, I got fed up with reading the comment about his quietness in every school report - I used to think "Yes, I know, so what are you doing about it"? Then, when he moved to sixth form college and we went to a parents' evening there, I was inwardly sighing when the English teacher started coming out with 'He's very quiet in class.." - only to go on to cheer when she continued with "but that's absolutely fine, because when he does say something, it's worth listening to." She pointed out that often it's very much a case of the emptiest vessel making the most noise. Finally, after 12 years in education, someone got him. He really blossomed in the sixth form and went on to become a teacher, where he isn't quiet at all.

From an English teacher's perspective, the problem I have is when I get a small A Level set with one or two very quiet students who aren't willing/able to contribute to discussion. My A Level teaching is very discussion based, and exploring different readings of the texts is one of the assessment criteria. Therefore the silent students who sit and wait for everyone else in the class to do the hard work of generating ideas can be incredibly frustrating - not just to me but to their peers who feel that they are doing all the "heavy lifting".

Caprianna, what is your expertise in selective mutism?
No one has said it definitely is, people have said it might be worth investigating. "Not being comfortable speaking in class" - but being able to do so if called upon, being able to do a presentation, give a considered response, all the while wishing you were not having to-do that is normal. Only ever being able to give at the most a one word answer even when given time and where more is expected, that is not normal. That is selective mutism. And yes I do know what I'm talking about.

FGS, its not selective mutism if you as a teen don't feel comfortable speaking in class.

I do struggle with interviews and am still known as quiet. I tend to avoid the Dr's so you may be into something.

henrythehoover that is the definition of selective mutism. Someone who is unable to speak in one situation whilst speaking freely and fully in another. I'm glad you have been left with no I'll effects but the evidence shows 30 percent of selectively mute children go on to be selectively mute adults, a further 30 percent can speak enough to manage but continue to have significant difficulties with communicating. There are plenty of SM adults on the Smira page, now in their 20s and 30s, who still have to take their increasingly elderly parents to doctors appointments, who can't get a job because they can't interview. It is a condition that can blight lives. Getting support can only be a good thing.

i was like this at school, I always did well but never answered a question or asked one and it did hinder me. Not particularly academically but certainly in the job world.
I have spent years making myself talk and ask questions and am much happier and more successful at work as a result.
I don't think his teachers are penalising him but not asking questions is an issue as there will come a time when he doesn't understand something and if he's not in the habit of asking it's really difficult to start.

I got this in my school reports. I was always quiet because, tbh, I never felt that I had anything worthwhile to say and why take up time that other people could use. I mostly did fine on written work and sailed through exams. Could your son feel like this?

I will say that just telling someone they're too quiet and they need to speak up more Does Not Work. It just puts more pressure on and drives confidence down further.

Selectively mute? Whatever next I didn't speak a word ar school and did fine. I was just very shy and didn't feel the need to talk. I was loud ar home so my parents just thought it was funny when the teachers told them how quiet I was.

I wouldn't worry too much, we are required to say this sort of stuff, even if we think the student is fine. It is the sort of target set for students that don't actually need any targets set, but we have to set targets anyway. ignore.

Disclaimer: I am not a parent, nor do I have children. But I do have severe social anxiety, so I can say what has helped me. My issues are very extreme - I didn't attend any university lectures until my MSc, cannot make eye contact, cannot speak in many social situations. But I did have the same comments about being the quietest child they had had etc.

Does your son suffer the anxiety about speaking, or is he 'just' an introvert? Some people do just not feel the need to speak much, and that's of course very normal. But it does sound like it's impacting your son more than 'just' being introverted if he's not managing to speak more even when requested.

If that's the case, the idea of 'random' questioning and being called upon to answer questions without initiating that can also be absolutely excruciating, and feeling under pressure to speak makes it feel even more impossible. I just go absolutely blank, and I wonder if that's what your son feels, hence the one word answers?

For me, I went through this way - never communicating, withdrawn, silent, no interacting - until my MSc, when my lecturer/supervisor started to actively suggest ways to help me. For me, this was a very very slow process. This started with him e-mailing me some questions about our topics and I would respond back by e-mail with some short answers. Then we built up to him starting to feed back some of my answers into seminars (and mentioning that it was my thoughts) so I could hear some feedback from others without speaking. Then we built up to he would ask me a yes/no question. Eventually onto a question that he had said he would ask in advance, where I just had to say the answer 'prepared'.

Obviously that is my personal situation, and may not work or be relevant in this case. It does also require a teacher who is willing to spend that time with him to actually help him speak up more (it's not very useful for them to just say 'He's too quiet!' It needs to be mutual if possible). But I wonder if there are some other things they can suggest (or that your son would be willing to try and practice) to help him build up to communicating a bit more in classes?

I think this does need to be addressed because it will limit his future prospects if he just does not engage with people. My friend's DS is having to work very hard on this aspect of his personality in a job that took him a year to get. He has a degree in maths from Cambridge. Do have a plan of action because inaction can restrict what he can achieve. Most of us have to respond to others and not just when we choose to do so.

The speaking assessment is written by the student beforehand so a pupil achieving A-C grades can probably write a decent speech. It's unclear if the problem is nerves or something else.

AQA English Lang and Lit are 100% exam assessed

Yes but there is also a spoken language endorsement which is a mandatory endorsement which all pupils sitting GCSE English language have to do. It normally involves a presentation and questions, though can be a discussion with a teacher. It is graded at pass/merit/distinction.