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Original poster

Is this normal?

36 replies

Buck3t · 07/06/2017 07:01

I get my DS is not a high achiever, he likes what he likes and he's stubborn and lazy.

He chooses to hang with the smarter kids and gets teased that he's not black enough🙄. He is extremely shy but he still tap dances and doesn't want to give it up, and only a handful know that. So I'm proud of the fact that he is a resilient individual. Great, that's my DS's profile.

He's in year 10 so GCSE's are looming. As it's my first child I have made mistakes. Number one being believing the teachers in year 9 who say his progress is good. Not fine, not adequate, but good. So I'm no teacher so I'm not sure what I should have been looking out for but it seems my DS has problems answering questions such as "Describe", "explain", "analyse". This has really come to light this year after his spring half term tests. But this doesn't appear to have concerned the school. However, it concerns me so, about six weeks ago I contacted the head of year. I wanted to see if they saw it how we saw it. I asked to speak to his subject teachers. Only one teacher has come back to me so far. His English teacher. Now this is my question really. She had concerns months ago and spoke to DS about them. She asked HIM if he would like to move to a lower set. He said no, she told him that he would have to work hard to catch up and improve. Which he hasn't done as the boy won't read unless you are actually in the room with him and that's the number one way to improve. Is it normal to only discuss with 14 year old? Is this independent learning?

Anyhow. We ended the conversation with the one thing I think is working against him. Her telling me how polite and well behaved he is, and what a joy he is to teach. I know my child's well-behaved thanks. But last time I checked there's no GCSE in polite. So are they overlooking him and his issues (laziness, disorganisation, Lack of motivation), because he's easy to have in the classroom. Am I worrying over nothing (52% on a test he revised for to the detriment of other subjects, so I don't think so.)

What is my next move I'm looking at tutors for English, but then need to look at maths and chemistry (according to him). The subjects he loves seem fine geography (except for those explanation questions), product design etc. He just thinks chemistry lets him down for his triple science.

Sorry it's long, just wanted to paint a picture.

OP posts:
Traalaa · 07/06/2017 08:38

DS's school prefer to talk to the kids themselves and get them to take responsibility for their own learning, but does your school not give you grade/ working at type predictions? I know they're not v.accurate, but ours each term sends parents a report sheet. There's a grade prediction for GCSE, which is based on what they should achieve after their SATs in KS2. Then for each subject you get 'on-track' (academically, so are they on track to get their target grade), 'above track', 'below track' or 'significantly below'. Each subject teacher also gives marks for behaviour in class and homework. It's not foolproof, but at least it gives parents some idea as to whether their child is working/ progressing/ etc. If they're 'significantly below' you automatically get called in to discuss your child's progress, etc.

CaulkheadUpNorf · 07/06/2017 08:38

I remember my maths teacher in year 10 talking to me about moving down a set. I was embarrassed but would have hated my parents to know. I did very little about it as I didnt really know how to, so a tutor would have helped me.

Does he have a diagnosis of dyslexia?

Badbadbunny · 07/06/2017 08:33

So are they overlooking him and his issues (laziness, disorganisation, Lack of motivation), because he's easy to have in the classroom.

That's exactly what happened when I was at school. I started as a straight A/A* pupil and ended up failing all but one of my exams. Because I wasn't any trouble, I was basically ignored. I turned up, did the bare minimum I could get away with, and went home.

Original poster
Buck3t · 07/06/2017 08:26

Thanks Zombie. I can understand that. So I just need them to be upfront on what they mean. And the level that he is working at. I'm wondering therefore if getting a tutor is worth it and maybe allow him to find his own way. So many choices have me tying myself up in knots

OP posts:
CrazedZombie · 07/06/2017 07:55

Progress being good is teacher speak for he's progressed as much as their computer program predicts. So someone achieving D has good progress if they are still on the D achieving curve. To a lay person it sounds like "good progress" means high grades.

Does your school do 2 or 3 year GCSEs? Ours do the latter and they don't really do exam technique until the course has ended. The teachers go through tests in class before y11 but kids like my son who are good at flying under the radar can end up not listening until the end.

I have 2 at secondary and I've known for years that my son does the bare minimum (just homework). He rarely studied for tests before y11 mocks. His sister is the opposite and often asks me to help her study for tests whether it's German vocabulary or Geography case studies. She's very open about test scores and will tell me what the top scores in her class was.

In my experience it's unusual for schools to get parents involved at the micro-level that primary schools do. They try to teach kids the routine of study through tests and homework but it's up to the kids to actually do it. My ds has a routine for study but would never do more than the bare minimum. In my opinion it was not possible to make him change that. He's lucky that he can put minimum effort in and get good grades but I'm expecting him to find A-levels harder. Hopefully the study of the last few months will continue in y12.

Original poster
Buck3t · 07/06/2017 07:53

I'll ask about the report. Had never even heard of it before now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Buck3t · 07/06/2017 07:52

So far the laziness is something we discuss. At home he has a set defined list of tasks that he knows needs to be done or sanctioned. The organisation thing is harder. We can only make suggestions based on what works for us.

Whereas his way looks messy as hell but there is a method to it. Whether it works or not is anyone's guess.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 07/06/2017 07:43

Yes it's normal to discuss a teen's progress with that child and not necessarily involve the parents (otherwise we'd be doing nothing but talk to parents all day). However progress reports usually have a grade for something like effort, do yours not?

If he is lazy and disorganised then you need to give him a kick up the arse. You could ask to have him put on a report at school for a couple of weeks to get a better picture of how he is in lessons if teachers have not responded to your enquiry.

Original poster
Buck3t · 07/06/2017 07:29

Might be easier if I list my questions:
Is it normal to only discuss issues with the pupil?
Is this independent learning?
Am I worrying over nothing?
What is my next move?
I'm trying not to focus on the impression I have that the skill set missing in answering questions should have been identified earlier. And focus on what we can do now, so any help there would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Buck3t · 07/06/2017 07:18

I don't think I am but if he's slipping I would expect them to discuss it with me rather than just him. No? How would I know that he's disorganised with schoolwork? And isn't motivated unless I am made aware of this. I'm not at school with him. When he's at home he does homework, but I don't know the efforts. Everything is online and all we see are progress reports.
I know it's not primary school so the comms is less, but I don't know how to help him if I don't know the issues.

OP posts:
MidnightHag · 07/06/2017 07:09

Are you expecting the school to deal with his issues ( laziness, disorganisation, Lack of motivation ) . This seems to be a conversation you should be having with him.