Is this normal?

Hi just read the posts and wanted to say that my children weren't obviously on the autistic spectrum until the pressures became greater in high school - disorganisation when workload more intense was difficult and despite being very bright , struggled with understanding what was being asked of them in English tests for example. It became clear that for one of my children, their anxiety levels were way beyond usual exam/school pressure anxiety whilst the gap between them and their peer group grew wider throughout high school until they had no friends. Just for a consideration, I'm wary of jumping in and saying they need to get their act together - sometimes there are other issues going on which aren't obvious enough to pick up on when they're younger. And young people are sensitive underneath the don't care exterior...

blanketdog ... Im loving the BUG technique... going to share that with my daughter....

OP - I so sympathise with your situation... I've currently got a y10 DD, academic but unmotivated at the moment.... and I realise that I need to understand what she needs to do and where the gaps are.....and best to start working on these post summer exam results than wait for mocks which is getting rather late...I'm chastising myself for not getting involved before, but on reflection think this is a pretty good time to get involved with a year to go to GCSEs...

I'd suggest you look at:

1. What are his predicted grades in each subject?
2. Are these good enough - in his eyes? in yours?
3. What does he need to do to achieve these? OR to improve them?

Definitely worth getting a tutor if once you've analysed these you reckon you need one... its got to be the best possible time to invest... and even if you only use them for a few sessions, it'll give you and your DC confidence and clarity about where he's at etc....

Our School did a similar thing to steppemum's but they were all randomly assigned jobs. Ds was a nursery worker (poorest paid in the class) dd was a civil engineer. Ds quickly realised when he plugged the numbers in that he couldn't afford a car, a pet or much of a holiday. Dd offered to pay for her friend's holiday as she was on a low paying career as well. It was good toking point for ages - they found it massively entertaining but the message was very strong - ds in particular was not happy being the poorest in the class!

As there is 1 year left for the GCSE, I think you'd better put your effort on help DS improving his learning rather thank push school. As I think school is a big place, there are lots of students, I don't think they are able to do much more.

On one side, get him finish whatever school ask him to do. On the other side, I will ask him to make a plan to start revision on the important subjects from now on. For the important subjects, I mean math, English and science. Along the way, he should find the point he doesn't understand and solve it. For the way to do it, it will depend on your ability to help him. For example, if you can help, then you can get GCSE revision exercise book , get him do it, you mark it and then correct it with him. But if you can't, then you may hire tutor to do it. One of my friend did this, she hired an English tutor and then did the math and Science herself. And also, past paper is useful, by doing it , you can easily find out what he can't do and didn't understand.

We have a termly report for each subject, teacher normally put down comments about DS1's learning, and there is the score teacher put down and also score for end of term exam.Then there is a yearly parents evening, you can talk to each teacher for 5 minutes. Apart from this, there is not much correspondence between teacher and the parents. If we email teacher, they do reply in 2 days.We only emailed once in the whole 5 years.

at ds school they did this really cool thing where they had to fill in a booklet.

It did things like which car do you want, where do you want to live, which phone etc etc.

It began with asking which job you wnated. They then had to add up the cost of all the things they had chosen and see if their chosen profession would cover it!

It was quite an eye opener. Ds was quite clever, he chose a second hand mid range car etc rather than just writing porsche!
It made them realise how expensive London is, and how some jobs are London only.

It made them realise that most of them needed to win the lottery adapt either their expectations, or think about their chosen job if they wanted to acheive that.

It then worked backwards - wnat to be a lawyer? Then you need these A levels and these GCSE, and brought it right bakc to now.

One conversation rising from this was that ds realised he HAD to work on his English, as every single thing that you want to do requires English and Maths GCSE.

It really helped to make what they are doing today relevant

My kids don't read. If pushed to do a non-digital mental activity then they'd rather do puzzles like word searches, Sudoku etc or draw. Ds in particular would rather spend 30 minutes learning new difficult words to sound like Sheldon Cooper than read.

It's good that your ds will talk to you. My kids were embarrassed when teachers suggested set changes. It depends how big your school is but in our school set 1 and 2 do the same work. Being top of set 2 can be good for confidence and people at the top of set 2 will be as smart as the people at the bottom of set 1 so it's worth playing the long game and enjoy being top of set 2 - especially if set 2 has a teacher who's better.
Nobody is going to know or care about his set once GCSEs are over.
I think that it is important for your son to try and work out the problem - if he can't understand it then a tutor will help but if he hasn't been doing it then change can only happen when he makes an effort. My son admitted that he was easily distracted and would leave his phone with me before homework that didn't require the Internet.

I've learned that teachers vary a lot with the marking. Some are too lenient while others are super strict. It helps giving leeway with the strict ones.

I've also learned that my kids learn best with different types of teachers. My son works hard for teachers who are clear with expectations and more old-school. He does not try at all if the teacher is gentle and wishy washy. This is a big fault of his and means that his progress since secondary is super spiky. For last year's chemistry teacher he was on a grade E flight path. This year he's on the A* flight path - crazy.

ds is 14, and the school would mostly talk directly to him, but we would also get an email if they had a chat with him due to concern over work.

Having said that last year he went down a maths set, and we wouldn't have known if he hadn''t told us.

You mentioned the reading. My ds will only read if forced to. So we have made it compulsory that he sits in the living room and reads for 20 minutes before the x-box goes on.
Through the summer holidays, the whole family reads for half an hour after lunch every day.

I got this from my SIL and her teenage non reader. She used to make a thing of it - everyone to Costas with a book; all down the park with a blanket and a book, ice cream to finish etc. (she can afford more bribes than I can!)

ds kicked against it and tried every trick in the book for about a week last summer, and I was quietly consistant. He set an alarm and would stop mid sentence when the alarm went off, but he was reading.

The explanation questions. If he is co-operative, (!) then do a lot of this verbally, maybe over dinner. Ask simple questions and then ask him to explain somethign from it, analyse the pros and cons, explain his viewpoint. Make it about the subject, not the process, so you end up having an interesting conversation about politics, where you have promted - explain why; what are the pros and cons of.....

Could you ask to speak to his Head of Year instead of subject teachers then? I'm guessing they have one. It's bad if apart from the English teacher, no others got back to you. They might be able to reassure you overall, as it sounds like he's doing okay/ well on a fair few subjects still.

Maybe it's easier to ask what he doesn't want his life to look like? Maybe discussing standard of living - where to live, holidays etc.
Ds seemed to think he'd inherit our home - large in the South East and never really have to leave home - that was his plan! We told him our house was part of our pension and we would be selling it and travelling the world for a few years - we have told the dcs there is no inheritance worth relying on, they will have to work their butts off to maintain the standard of living they have now! That is what motivated ds to work - he really didn't want to be poor!

Crossed posts!

I was wondering about dyspraxia? Difficulties often manifest themselves in can't be bothered to disguise the real issue. Messiness, disorganisation, lack of focus may all be indicative of an SpLD. Perhaps it is worth asking about a screening?

This is slightly left field but anyway:

• what are his motor skills like (eg sport, pencil control)
• does he have high level of fussiness wrt taste or materials

Are you sure he is lazy and disorganised and unmotivated because he can't be bothered, or because he doesn't know how to do it?

My DD was diagnosed with dyspraxia in y11. Massively struggled with Point/Evidence/Explain, needed me to organise her revision and schoolwork. It wasn't that she didn't try, she just couldn't do it herself.

There comes a point when you don't want to know about progress - good progress from a low starting point can still mean not passing GCSEs. So ask the questions you want answered, e.g Likely GCSE grade.

I sympathise with the whole making "good" progress. I think it's very misleading. I know a few people that have been caught out by it....believing the teacher is telling them the grade their dc will get will be good, as opposed to, not on the teacher's radar for needing to improve for stats reasons.

I think a lot of kids struggle with describe", "explain", "analyse" - it's part of the exam technique, it's vitally important to get it right....but with the current approach to GCSE and marking, my kids struggle to get the right amount of information down, often they know it they just didn't think they needed to further explain, they have to constantly hone their exam skills till they get a better feel for what is needed. Lots of practice answering exam questions. Someone mentioned a technique that encourages the dc to BUG the question.
Lack of motivation to study is pretty common - they are 15, I think it's perfectly understandable that they don't want to revise but the way of the world leaves them with little choice in this regard. I favour putting the ball in their court, having a chat about what they want for the future and their plan on how to achieve it, creating a supportive environment that encourages school work - distraction free. all the right resources, comfortable, well lit and taking an interest - but not too much. Stay involved in his progress - keep in touch with the school while you remain concerned.

DD is in Y7 and teachers discuss her learning with her and not me. There is a facility to get a demerit which is marked in a contact book and the expectation is that it is DD discusses this with us. There is an end of term report and we saw a discrepancy between term 1 and term 2 on one subject and did contact the school after speaking to DD. I don't expect the school to contact me except in a major situation. Did the school reports highlight anything for your DS? When you looked through the schoolbooks were there any comments from the teachers with comments about how to make the work even better?