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Original poster

Social isolation due to living a distance from school

34 replies

levegal7 · 22/05/2017 10:46

Hi, I am worried that my daughter may not make friends at school because we live 10 miles away. The school is a grammar school and many travel to it but there are no pupils travelling from our side of town. My daughter is the only pupil from her school who will be attending the grammar school. Its really important that my daughter makes friends but now I am worried about the social isolation aspect. Has anyone any experience of their children travelling a distance to school and what it meant for their friendships? Thank you.

OP posts:
fatbottomgirl67 · 22/05/2017 11:36

My DD was in exactly the same boat in year 7. Now in year 12. We live 25 miles from the school and no one else from her primary went there. The school were brilliant at placing girls from same train/ bus route in forms together. My daughter has the best friends shes ever had and has never felt excluded. The thing with grammar schools is there are very few from any one school starting together so they are all in the same boat friendship wise. Just encourage her to join in whatever she's interested in and in sure she'll be fine

juneau · 22/05/2017 11:19

Is there a bus route between the school and your home? That might your lives slightly easier, if she has a public transport option, as well as you. My friend lives in a small village with no bus service, so that makes her life particularly hard, but a regular bus route is a godsend.

monkeytree · 22/05/2017 11:16

Hi there. Yes not much to add, just to say that my dc is likely to be in this situation very soon and it does stress me out a bit, I think I've just resigned myself to driving around the place, hope it works out somehow x

Original poster
levegal7 · 22/05/2017 11:14

Hi juneau, thank you for your reply. Yes, that's a good point you make. All this is dawning on me now (after I have made the decision!). Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
levegal7 · 22/05/2017 11:11

Hi thanks Autumnsky that's really helpful. We only have a little house and my daughter has a tiny box room .... but that's another issue that is on my mind (doh!). Thank you for your reply.

OP posts:
Original poster
levegal7 · 22/05/2017 11:08

Hi thanks for your reply. Yes I think you are right that it is going to be more effort from me and as I am a single parent that is going to be even more time consuming. As for when my daughter gets older, I am not sure I like the idea of her having to travel herself to see friends. If she meets a good friend and she is happy that will make me feel more settled. Thanks for your reply.

OP posts:
juneau · 22/05/2017 11:06

A good friend of mine's DS goes to school a good half-hour drive from where they live. What it means is that he goes into town with friends after school and she has to pick up her little, take him home, and then come out again later on to pick up her old DS from town. It's become such a pain for her that they're actually moving this summer to be closer to the school/town, because in summer it's not so bad, but in winter she hated having to turn out in the dark and drive half an hour to pick him up, but the alternative is for him to miss out on spending time with his friends after school. You may find the same thing - that your DD is fine - it's YOU that will bear the brunt of the situation.

Autumnsky · 22/05/2017 11:04

I think this shouldn't affect the friendship in the school , however, it may mean you have to drive her around to parties and meetings though.

At DS1's school, children come from all over the county by school bus, this didn't affect him making friends. We had to drive him to his friends house. Later, when they were a bit older, they started to meet in the town by public transports.

It is different to the local school though, I can see students from local school often stay in the park after the school finished. But DS1 only meet his friends during inset day, holidays, birthdays etc. So I think this part of after school fun missed.

If you are worried, then make effort in Y7. We invited a group of his friends to our house in the first term on inset days, I think this helped. As Y7, you feel they are too young to be left at home by themselves, so it was welcomed by other mums. And DS1 got invited to his friends house as well. Once the friend group formed in Y7, there are not much effort needed from parents I think.

ifonly4 · 22/05/2017 11:02

I haven't got any experience of this, but I think the impact might be more on you, as you'll have to drive her over to friends the other side of town more and might just find yourself offering to do a bit more, ie if you have them for tea, you'll pop them back. If another parent struggles with lack of transport, then it might be a case of her seeing that friend less often but for longer, ie tea and a sleepover.

As they get older, they'll be arranging things by themselves and somewhere like town will be a central location.