Year 7 woes.

29 replies

Trampire · 22/05/2017 07:52

My dd is 12. She's very mature (5ft 5, size 10 women's sizes with E-cup boobs) and she's also very emotionally mature (she speaks like she's at least 15 and we can talk about lots of grown-up things like politics and watch quite serious grown-up dramas together, for example). Teachers have said she'd 'ahead' with her general knowledge, vocabulary and general ideas.

She started secondary where she knew very few others. She wanted a fresh start from primary. At first it was really tough but she stuck it out and joined lots of clubs and eventually seemed to make friends and settle.

However the last week or so she's had a bit of a meltdown. She's off school today with a migraine. She says she feels all the friends she's made don't 'get' her. In order to fit in she's had to pretend to enjoy things she doesn't. Whenever she's tried to join a club to branch out her friends have followed her so she ends up spending all her time with them. They're only setted for Maths at the moment (more setting in Y8) so she ends up spending nearly all her time with people she now not clicking with.

She says the girls her tutor group are in tight little groups of 3 or 4 and there's not much mixing.

There was one girl she really got on with well but unfortunately she moved to the other end of the country at Christmas :(

She has her best friend outside of school but she's in Year 10.

I love the school (dd does too) and their pastoral care is supposed to be good. I've told her to talk to her tutor when she goes back in. They must have seen this before? I'm not sure what else to suggest.

Have I chosen the wrong school or would this be the same everywhere (I suspect it would be)?

I feel so bad for my girl. She just seems about 3 years older than she is and it's making her unhappy.

Has anyone else had anything similar? have you come through it? How?

OP posts:

CrazedZombie · 22/05/2017 12:53

I have a y11 and a y9 and both have changed their friends over their time at secondary school. I would stick it out at the current school.

missminimum · 22/05/2017 09:06

From experience, secondary school is a difficult place for girls. My daughter struggled to find like minded girls to mix with, her friends from primary school, most of whom go to a different secondary school, are still her closest friends with whom she feels most comfortable. She is in Year 13 now and about to leave. She loves her school and is feeling sad to be finishing, so it's not the school, but girls of that age. In Year 8 and 9 she found it difficult to shake off the friends who were making her unhappy, they were following her around and putting pressure on her not to mix with other groups. The turning point for her was when she was virtually forced by a teacher to join one of the sports teams - she had wanted to join earlier but her circle thought it uncool. This gave all the girls involved a sense of being part of a bigger picture and helped stop them focus on their relationships and image. After this my daughter managed to mix with other girls and no longer feels she has to be part of a clique. It gave her the confidence to not worry too much about what others would think of her. I would encourage your daughter to join a sports team at school as it's an environment where no one cares too much about image. She may find that some of the girls she wants to have a break from may not want to join. My daughter did Scouts and drama outside school without most of her school friends and this helped too

Original poster

Trampire · 22/05/2017 08:53

Thanks for replying iseenodust. I don't think they have a debating society but they have done some debating during English lessons which she loved (I'll enquire at school if there is one).

I'd love her to have a hobby at weekends but so far she's been reluctant. She loves drama, music and netball but is only interested in pursuing them through school. The school is big on drama and she's been doing a lot. She's learning guitar etc. She's confident in who is she is but can be outwardly shy if that makes sense?

I feel like it's something that only time will help with but at the moment she sloping around the house all miserable and it's horrible to see :(

OP posts:

iseenodust · 22/05/2017 08:35

I would stick with the current school. Friendship groups aren't finally settled at that age. Is there something like a debating club which crosses the year groups if she is feeling more mature? It is a good sign that her friends followed her to the clubs, means they want to be around her ! Maybe she just slowly needs to be more honest about her own tastes.

I'm pleased for her she has a good friend outside school is there an activity/club she could do at the weekend that would potentially lead to a wider circle of friends?

Unflip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread