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Original poster

DD struggling in y7

31 replies

WhatsitallaboutAlfie1 · 15/05/2017 13:29

My lovely DD entered private from state. It's a high-flying place with many wealthy pupils, and DD is all at sea a year in. She feels 'lesser' on every level - academically, financially, socially, etc, and is unrecognisable, personality-wise. The school is helping all it can, but we wonder how long we give this - while realising every school has 'issues' and DD's feelings of 'not being good enough' will take time to sort/unravel.

OP posts:
MumOnBus · 18/05/2017 19:42

OP my heart goes out to you. My DD is in a local comprehensive (non-faith) but most of her friends went to either the not-so-local Catholic school or one of two private ones. And the range of issues that people have is quite varied!! (there's no perfect place). My DD has settled reasonably well though she misses her friends from primary and at times I wondered whether I had done the right thing in thinking about our lifestyle and day-to-day practicalities above all. I'll keep an eye on her (and her friends too), but I wouldn't be keen on uprooting her as there's no guarantee that she would settle any better in any of the other schools.
As PP have said, you need to think whether your DD would thrive elsewhere Flowers

nocampinghere · 18/05/2017 18:08

what did you like about the school? why did you think your dd would thrive there? are those reasons still valid?

i don't know re the self harm. my DDs are at a coed academic indep.

Original poster
WhatsitallaboutAlfie1 · 18/05/2017 17:14

tbh, I don't think DD knows what to do, and DH thinks she should stay put and things will settle. I am not so sure as friendships have been an issue (cliques). She wants to be a top performer (like in primary), but quite frankly, in this school, that ain't gonna happen. She also said that talk of self harming in school was rife which astonished/worried me. Am I being naive - is that true of most girls' schools?

OP posts:
nocampinghere · 16/05/2017 17:51

what's your alternative?
if it's a good state school with lots of her primary school and you can get in, i'd be tempted to move her. It can take a good while to settle, DD wasn't settled til about Easter (feb half term was a low point) but if it isn't improving there's not much of yr7 left.

Traalaa · 15/05/2017 16:29

I suppose a lot depends on whether you think things will improve A friend of mine's daughter switched from state to private and had similar problems. In the end she moved back to a local state school where some of her old friends were and she's really happy and thriving both socially and academically. Pre-move, my friend did a lot of talking to parents at the state school and comparing, so working out if it might be better for her DD there, etc. It was quite easy for her to do that as she was friendly still with a number of parents from the primary who had gone there. Also she was lucky as they live virtually on the doorstep, so she was high on the waiting list for a place. Obviously each situation's different though. What do you think your DD would like to do?

Peanutbutterrules · 15/05/2017 16:29

Hmmm...that's a tricky one. My DD went private at secondary as well. Lots of quite rich girls; but lots more middle with fees being paid by both parents working, grandparents helping etc so not such a big adjustment.

What other choices do you have locally?

Has she made friends?

If it's destroying her confidence I would look to move next year. You want her settled by yr 9.

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