School's approach to UCAS - is this typical?

No, didn't miss them. Have your son's priorities changed since 10.13am this morning?

I don't think you can expect schools to be letting you know about all the open days. There are some which are just open days, some subject specific days, for my daughter who was doing a traditionally more masculine subject there were spec women in whatever days. With all the unis, is it about 100? plus all the subject combinations I don't think it is practical.

At my kids school there was information available in the 6th form centre and with mine they looked up unis and courses on line. I went to some open days with my daughter, my 3 sons all went to all the open days by themselves or with friends and they certainly didn't want mum there.

Perhaps you son had access to info at school and didn't use it/pass it on to you due to his special needs? Or maybe he wasn't sure he wanted to go or take a year out. My sons all took a gap year, typical laid back boys.

I have to confess that I did think the massive family day outs with grandparents are pretty OTT! And annoying when you want to get into some of the talks/tours with a smaller capacity.

DS's only priority at the moment is his revision.

Well if he doesn't pay attention to the university application process it won't count for much.

I think lots of families make a really nice day out of it.

We went together 2 DC, 2 parents. Had a laugh and usually a lovely lunch or supper somewhere. I even took my mum to Warwick ( she happened to be visiting that weekend). She loved it.

I think (from reading many, many open day threads on here!) that about ten years ago was when numbers of parents attending suddenly increased. I think the universities are now very aware of parents being there, try to separate them off, and don't let them dominate. It's a vicious circle though C8 - if everyone else is in parent-child dyads, it's going to be a boring day for you by yourself (as my dd found), so you take a parent to the next one.

C8 I think your DC may have exaggerated.

The academic sessions are usually a lecture style talk, with slides. The university rep speaks for 30-50 mins. The audience listens.

The Q&A is a bit tacked on at the end. It is very rare that any question ( from applicant or parent) is terribly penetrating . Every year I threaten to have tee shirts printed for my colleagues and I - check the fucking website.

Visits to the library, accommodation etc are more informal.

Yes, that's what us clued up Mumsnet type parents do. That's one of the many privileges most of our children have.

Outside the bubble, many other children have to rely on their schools for that.

I don't see why parents going to open days is such a bad thing.

The descriptions coming back from my kids when attending was that the parents dominated the discussion and the Q&A.

When I went on open days we were groups of prospective students only and felt free to ask whatever we wanted (esp of the student guides). I don't think we would have felt quite so free with parents present. I completely changed my view on where I wanted to go based on what I discovered on these visits.

Why would a child not want to discuss such a big decision with their parents?

Oh I don't disagree with that - we discussed the pros and cons and costs with our children at length but we did that at home rather than on site where they were supposed to be getting a feel for the place themselves and be able to ask about other aspects. To me it seemed the whole object of the day was hijacked.

They're 6th formers. They're young adults. Unless there's other arrangements in place to support those who have additional needs it's for the STUDENTS to tell their parents.

If you have a child of that age, you know uni is coming up so you do the adult thing and find out about it.

Just like you find out about nurseries, primary school etc. Or should someone hold classes saying "there there, this is a letter telling you that you child might be starting nursery".

I don't see why parents going to open days is such a bad thing. Why would a child not want to discuss such a big decision with their parents?

"That's my point. Instructing parents about university and open days and applications etc isn't really school's responsibility."

Of course it is. Particularly if you want to broaden participation at all.........

I really don't think parents attending limit the value of open days.

I say that as parent and lecturer.

Parents funding university would be wise to see what's on offer. It's a huge investment. 17 year olds taking out massive loans could well do with an adult perspective. The unaccompanied ones, often ask nothing or they ask current students what the night life is like .

GrumpyOldBag
It may have been helpful, but I don't think it's reasonable to be annoyed that if a school doesnt do it.

That's my point. Instructing parents about university and open days and applications etc isn't really school's responsibility.

My dd found open days difficult and stressful but has coped fine at university and done very well. I think the school should have explained the process to you, OP.

GetAHaircutCarl

Possibly but mine predated the current ridiculous level of fees (3k per year I think through their slot, eldest would have been 2008) and it was definitely in full swing then.

Even then, I can see parent and child discussing the financial aspects of how they would manage but why do they need to go on the open days and thereby limit the value of them to the prospective students?

It just made no sense to me - what would they be asking that isn't available on the Uni website these days?

C8 I think the real sea change took place when the cost of a university education became akin to buying a flat.

being a little worried how someone who can't sort their open days and let home know will manage the demands of university.

Yes for me this was a big thing. I was happy to pay for tickets and did drive to one but it honestly never occurred to me that parents were even invited to these things. "In my day" I don't recall any parents joining these days and I was wondering when it changed.

C8H10N4O2
When I say parents responsibility I mean as in they know when they are. Know when their child is going etc. Rather than it being school's responsibility to organise the students and tell parents.

I sorted all of mine out and my mam just bought my train tickets for me because I didn't drive.

I'm leaning (maybe unsympathetically) towards what other posters have suggested which is being a little worried how someone who can't sort their open days and let home know will manage the demands of university.

I think that it is parents' responsibility to sort out Open Day visits.

I think its the propective student's responsibility, the school should alert them to timelines to do this. Mine sorted their own out, my role was in reimbursing costs for them to attend.
I did drive one to an open day which was near a client I needed to see anyway. I dropped him at the entrance and went to work in the cafe for a couple of hours. I was amazed to see trains of prospective students with parents in tow. Offspring said parents dominated the Q&A slots so he sloped off and spoke to some of the students.

I'd have died rather than go to an open day with my parents at that age but it seemed silly to allow parents to dominate what should be an opportunity for the prospective student.

Grumpy I'm sure you know your DS well enough to make the right choice with him.

I've not got a great memory of the thread, so sorry if I repeat other posters here, but it's worth flagging!

He will be entitled to help from the disability support service at his university. This is paid for by Disabled Students Allowance. He can have specialist mentoring for a few sessions a week. It's worth getting in the system now, and he can have an appointment with Disability Services before he starts.

I did this with my ex and they were quite supportive, for example they helped him to challenge lecturers who didn't understand ADHD. Ultimately it wasn't enough for him, but there was support there.

A lot of students access disability services for mental health and things like dyslexia, so it shouldn't be stigmatising to attend the service.

My old university even had a student-led Asperger's and ADHD support group where aspies and people with ADHD could meet up to chat. There was talk of aspies voluntarily flat-sharing, because some had problems with their flatmates being loud or inconsiderate.

Whether he discloses to lecturers is up to him. He can choose to have all lecturers informed of his AS, or to disclose on a need-to-know basis. He will also have an academic personal tutor, who I would recommend disclosing AS to.

There are also lots of services at university, like study support and student welfare, which are worth exploring. It's good to have a list of support services prior to going away, as a safety net.